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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think baby showers are completely ridiculous?

279 replies

woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 10:31

I didn't have a baby shower (ds is 6 now) as it wasn't the 'done thing' back then. My real friends saw me throughout my pregnancy, picked up lovely little trinkets and outfits when the mood took them etc.

I didn't ever expect gifts or any sort of fuss, I mean - you have chosen to have a baby, surely the onus is on you to buy your moses basket etc (I have seen several given as gifts at baby showers and was Shock )

AIBU to think they are ridiculous, boring as hell and rather cheeky?

OP posts:
banana87 · 08/09/2011 11:00

"it's a piece of nonsense designed to line the pockets of Hallmark et al."

Sorry but what a load of crap.

Original poster
woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 11:01

What I hate about them the most is the 'sniff the nappy, eat the babyfood' type games that are in no way fun!

maybe I am just miserable?

For the record, I didn't mention the 'americanism' thing - that is not the reason for my irritation!

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 11:02

I'm not sure baby showers are an American import. I can remember them from about 40 years ago in the West of Scotland. It was a pleasant afternoon while female family and very close friends sat around with tea and cakes oohing and aahing over the hand-knitted matinee jackets, bootees and sometimes the passing over of the family christening gown.

The difference I think is that these parties were mainly attended by the older generation - the pregnant woman's mother, aunts, grandmother, and those friends that she would have known as 'Auntie X' when growing up. In away, it wasn't so much about the presents for the baby as almost being a rite of passage, being welcomed into the state of motherhood by those already there.

shineynewthings · 08/09/2011 11:06

YABVU and Very Stiff British.

I don't know about you, but there are so many negative things going in in this world, why the hell not celebrate something good and positive? It sometimes seems that in this country we just love to mark sad ocassions and go over sad events again and again, why not take a few hours celebrating a new life instead? It can't hurt can it?

I do personally think some of the gifts given at baby showers can be over the top, but then if a someone genuinely wants to buy a friend an extravagent gift who is to say they shouldn't? Better to spend money on a car seat for a friends baby that you know they'll use than all the stuff brought at Xmas (a festival that hardly anyone celebrates for the right reasons anymore) that just hangs around or is thrown in the tat bin.

roundtable · 08/09/2011 11:07

That's alright Filibear I hope your baby grows those teeth quickly so you get some sleep, horrible hearing them cry with pain and you can't help them. Sad

peacypops · 08/09/2011 11:08

WhereYou LeftIt - my mum had a similar thing when pregnant with me. All the close female family/family friends got together and gave her knitted items for the baby.

worraliberty · 08/09/2011 11:09

And while I'm on one, why does it need to be criticised because it's from America? Replace America with certain other countries/cultures and people would shout racist as soon as it was typed. (I'm not American btw)

It because it is American twaddle imo. If it was Indian twaddle or African twaddle or twaddle from any other country, it would be the same thing.

Proms
Baby showers
Play dates
Even the constant use of the word 'gotten'...it's all American.

peacypops · 08/09/2011 11:15

Yes, but worraliberty would you actually say something was 'African twaddle'? If there was a particular African custom that you though was a bit strange would you actually say 'oh, it's just a load of African nonsense'? Perhaps not.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 11:17

The baby showers that are going on now are not the kind of 'have a few mates round for tea and buns before the baby is born' thing that have been going on for years. They involve an imported idea (and it just happens to be from America) which consist of silly games, cards, (Hallmark are rubbing their hands at this, lets face it), and the expectation that you will come with gifts.

The only one I've been to was organised by an American neighbour for another neighbour. It involved chocolate in nappies (wtf?), all that Matalan had to offer in the way of party goods and the unwritten rule that you would bring a present. Personally I'd rather buy a present for the baby after it's here, once I knew what sex it was, and in my own time - not sitting round with your gift being opened in front of everyone with budget noted

roundtable · 08/09/2011 11:18

worrall I normally agree with you on things! Grin Also I thought gotten was an Australian word, but I could be wrong.

As for the other things, if you don't like it...don't join in! They're not harmful and I do think that if people this openly mocking of certain aspects other peoples cultures, they would be accused by some of racism.

As a more light hearted anecdote, I'm sure other countries must look at morris dancing and raise an eyebrow, doesn't mean they have to take part! If you really don't like it, just don't do it but there really is no need to make a big fuss about it.

worraliberty · 08/09/2011 11:20

Of course I would peacypops if I was trying to point out which country the twaddle originated from.

Not everyone has a panic attack the minute someone mentions the name of another country, when explaining they find their particular custom irritating in the UK.

peacypops · 08/09/2011 11:20

Well, I have been to three baby showers (one being my own - arranged by friends) and they have all been of the 'having a few mates round for tea and buns before the baby is born' variety. No silly games, cards, flash gifts etc.

Insomnia11 · 08/09/2011 11:21

Didn't have one with DD2 but with DD1 a really good friend wanted to hold one for me at her flat, and I thought it was a lovely idea so I did have one. Many of my friends who had come to my hen a year previously almost to the day come along- was like a more sober hen do!

My friend had gone to so much effort, made a buffet and cakes, it was wonderful.

worraliberty · 08/09/2011 11:21

I hear what you're saying roundtable and actually I would never have started a thread about it, because truth be told...baby showers don't affect my life. As you say 'live and let live'

But I do find them bloody irritating if I'm forced to think about them even for a nano second Grin

worraliberty · 08/09/2011 11:22

Oh and yes...Morris Dancing is just wrong no matter what way you look at it! Wink

roundtable · 08/09/2011 11:27

Maisy it sounds like you haven't actually been to a friends baby shower then, just an aquaintance. ( I personally wouldn't go to anyones baby shower who wasn't close friend or family, in the same way as a birthday party)

I'm sure your friends would meet up and have fun as surely you enjoy their company if they are your friends? I know none of my friends or myself, would be adding up values of gifts or noting whether people brought gifts or not. I don't have people like that as friends and if I did I would drop them pretty sharpish.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 11:28

I bet that there would be complaints a-plenty on parenting boards across the world if throwing Morris dancing parties for pregnant women suddenly became the rage! Bloody English customs...

Although I suspect Hallmark would be delighted Grin

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 11:30

No, none of my friends threw baby showers - it didn't occur to any of us. We continued to meet up as normal throughout our pregnancies and then dropped in with presents once the baby was born.

qwepoi · 08/09/2011 11:31

The whole idea just freaks me out in a 'tempting fate' way.

roundtable · 08/09/2011 11:33

worral I don't know about the morris dancing now actually, I will need to get fit again after I've had my baby. Might be quite fun, it does make me giggle when I see it...Grin

ElizabethDarcy · 08/09/2011 11:36

Baby showers are big in South Africa too fyi!

Just because you don't enjoy something/a custom that others do, gives you no right to slag them off. To each their own... and if you get an invite, politely decline. Easy peasy. I dislike the drinking culture (the need to get bladdered is beyond me) some of my colleagues/friends have and I don't slag them off, I politely decline. Maybe that's because I am a adult.

Catonkey · 08/09/2011 11:38

Woowoo actually I do agree with you that the games you describe are horribly cringe-worthy, but I'd feel the same about that sort of forced frivolity in any setting, not just a baby shower.

roundtable · 08/09/2011 11:41

Maisie (sorry for the previous misspelling) I think we may be onto something here. Prenatal morris dancing...herds of pregnant woman flinging their body parts about with bells attached! Grin

I think it would cheer me up although at 38 + 5 I might be responsible for causing an earthquake somewhere in the world!

Also it sounds like you still met up and saw each other which to me is the essence of a baby shower. Quality time with friends Smile

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 11:42

Ooh
yes, the ones which the mum to be organises and have a gift list from expensive store for

TheSmallClanger · 08/09/2011 11:43

I've always had it drummed into me that giving presents for babies before they are born is bad luck and tempting fate. I know this is irrational, but it's how we do things in our family. I think it stems from my mum giving my old Moses basket to a friend before the birth, then the baby died. Mum is normally a very rational, sceptical woman, but that basket has remained in her attic ever since and she would have a heart attack if anyone put a baby in it.

Sorry, going off-topic here, but just trying to illustrate that some people feel very strongly about baby gifts.

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