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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think baby showers are completely ridiculous?

279 replies

woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 10:31

I didn't have a baby shower (ds is 6 now) as it wasn't the 'done thing' back then. My real friends saw me throughout my pregnancy, picked up lovely little trinkets and outfits when the mood took them etc.

I didn't ever expect gifts or any sort of fuss, I mean - you have chosen to have a baby, surely the onus is on you to buy your moses basket etc (I have seen several given as gifts at baby showers and was Shock )

AIBU to think they are ridiculous, boring as hell and rather cheeky?

OP posts:
peacypops · 08/09/2011 18:31

HappyMummy totally disagree. My friend organised one for me and it was really not about presents - it was simply a gathering of my close female friends for an afternoon of tea,cakes and chat. Granted, I got a few gifts but they were just little things - nothing fancy at all. It was a lovely day and I really appreciated it as I'd had quite a difficult pregnancy and hadn't been able to get out too in the latter stages of it.

ladybutterfly1 · 08/09/2011 18:43

i never had a baby shower but i have no problem with them each to there own i say

wildspinning · 08/09/2011 19:28

Engagement drinks + hen do + wedding + new baby presents + christening are enough celebrations in my book for any couple.

In fact, wedding + new baby presents are enough.

We do not need an extra pre-birth commercial event.

My only exception is for people who have waited a long, long time for their baby (IVF at least). A celebration of their baby's conception is then warranted IMO.

PedigreeChump · 08/09/2011 19:57

YABU. You have obviously never attended any of the 4 baby showers I have thrown for friends and family, which were all absolutely lovely. Smile

nowwearefour · 08/09/2011 20:17

i have always declined invitations to baby showers and dont intend to start accepting them anytime soon! (not that i have had very many such invitations!)

SansaLannister · 08/09/2011 20:21

YANBU.

It is counting one's chickens before they hatch.

Alwaysconfused · 08/09/2011 20:54

What if they were called baby-afternoon-tea-parties? Maybe the word shower is what is upsetting folk? My "babies" are off to uni now, but I remember that when I left work to have my first son, there was a collection for a gift for me/bump and we all went out to the local pub for a final get together. Having a baby should be a happy, celebratory time and a bit of fun with friends seems harmless? Gift lists? Sad - but then they have always been in vogue for weddings.

theinet · 08/09/2011 20:55

to the person that said buying presents for babies and clothes, celebrating it before it is born is deemed as unlucky and tempting fate - i don't believe in such superstitions.

But i did go to a baby shower for a friend just before her baby was born, and it ended up being stillborn.

it was horrific having being at a joyful event celebrating a baby to come one week, and to be present at it's funeral the next.

Alwaysconfused · 08/09/2011 21:06

Also, as someone who originally was born on the other side of "the pond" (Mum was a Yorkshire woman through and through), I do remember going to bridal and baby showers before we came back to UK to live. Bridal showers were instead of a load of underdressed women going out and getting as drunk as possible on a hen night, and were held in somebody's home. The idea was the get together. Presents were small fun items such as tea towels, wooden spoons and cheese graters. Gifts for baby showers tended to be practical items such as baby lotion/powder and bibs. Small and cheap but given out of female friendship.

KittyDeTour · 08/09/2011 21:58

No thanks, they're not my cup of tea. Went to one a few years ago and whilst it was nice my friend, it isn't for me. I hate being fussed over and the centre of attention prefering to take a back seat but she really enjoyed it. Got some amazing friends but not for me. Hmm

randommoment · 08/09/2011 22:13

As an unmarried mummy, and there are a lot of us about, I didn't get wedding presents or a hen night or engagement drinks, and frankly I'd have loved a baby shower. The twins were a bit premature and I had only acquired six vests and a very large Moses basket when they turned up. Had to borrow most of my needs off the hospital until I could get to the shops. The congratulations flowers were lovely, but I'd rather have had some multipacks of nappies!

wisecamel · 08/09/2011 22:19

YABU - I've just been to a lovely baby shower. It was my first one and 3 generations of my friend's family there and her friends too. Her nan told us funny stories about being a young mum 50 years ago, we had little snacks, played silly games and basically celebrated her pregnancy and wished her all the best for the birth. Her mum organised it as a surprise.

I do see why some might not want to do anything until the baby's here, but losing a baby is a horrible experience, I can't see that having a baby shower during the pregnancy could make it any worse.

Thumbwitch · 09/09/2011 02:37

I don't see it as "tempting fate" or unlucky but I do agree with the "don't count your chickens" aspect. One of my first friends to get pg had a stillborn son at term and it coloured my attitude to getting too much stuff in before the baby is actually born.
However - each to their own.

lettingitallgonow · 09/09/2011 08:17

Like anything I think it all depends on the person and situation. I wouldn't ever want one, but I'm the kind of person that loathes being the centre of attention, I'd be really uncomfortable and hate every minute.

That said I've been to a friends, which was arranged by her friend and had a great time...

I've also been to one which was arranged by a friend of the mother to be, but she was instructed by 'said' mother to arrange one, and was basically an excuse to be the centre of attention and get lots of presents - it was awful!!

ZZZenAgain · 09/09/2011 08:27

it is not me really. I suppose the intention is kind but I don't really understand why they are done the way they are with baby-based games and so on. I would be a duck out of water at one of those I think.

catgirl1976 · 09/09/2011 08:51

Mine is next weekend........organised totally by my BF. I haven't been involved at all. I will let you know what it is like. I am not American or grasping. I just have a BF who loves nothing more than organising parties.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 09/09/2011 09:45

Any excuse for a party !
If people have something to celebrate then I'm always happy for them.
I've been to one or two and think it's a lovely idea.
I'd rather make it a girl's night with DVD and pizza or chocolate fountain though rather than get uber material about it and provide guests with a gift list. Hmm
That is going a bit far !
If you get lots of baby-grows or muslins so what ? - You'll probably need them !

HeatherCommon · 09/09/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 09/09/2011 13:28

Or you could just organise your own, or hint to your BF !
Without the commercial aspect
Just my opinion Grin And I'm not selling anything Wink

TheControversialJessie · 09/09/2011 13:41

Actually, someone once told me that baby showers started originated as an occasion, for older family members to pass on things they'd used with their own children.

Back in the days when everything was handed down, and you couldn't organise Moses basket distribution over Facebook, or make sure young Angela had been given everything she needed, otherwise.

Sounds lovely and considerate.

MrsGraph · 09/09/2011 14:09

i think it would be interesting to know if there is an age divide on this one, i am predicting older and perhaps second or third time mums against and younger mums in favour.

Personally i see nothing wrong with getting friends together but i don't see why gifts have to be involved, or why the stupid "shower" name, seems like something else dreamed up by marketing people to part us from our cash.

Thumbwitch · 09/09/2011 14:30

I'll put my hand up to being older and against but I only have the one DS. However, I think there is another aspect to it as well, which is the willingness to take secondhand stuff - one of my friends told me that his DD was having a baby similar time to me, but she (about 20y younger than me) wanted everything brand new. About the only new thing my DS got was his cot mattress and sheets, and the babygros and stuff that people bought for him when they came to see him.

See, I have no problem with people bringing gifts for the baby if they want to when they come to visit after the baby is born. I'm not that ungrateful! Grin

qwepoi · 09/09/2011 14:33

Can't think of anything more grabby and just generally awful than having a 'baby shower' with a woman there selling stuff! That's just beyond the limit of tacky grabbiness! If I was 'invited' to one of these I don't know that I'd ever speak to the person again!

roundtable · 09/09/2011 15:17

I've reported the selling post. That really does give baby showers a bad name. I don't know anyone who would hire someone to sell baby things at a baby shower. What a horrid, manipulative idea. Only a very certain sort of people would do that and they would be no friend of mine.

Thumbwitch I agree with you about a certain amount of snobbiness about accepting secondhand things. Most of our things, including moses baskets, clothes, buggy, toys etc are all at least second hand, infact the only 2 new things we have are a car seat (as recommended by the powers that be) and bizzarely a cot mobile as we just haven't been able to find one on gumtree or other such places. However, a lot of other people of my age want everything brand new and have spend thousands kitting out their nurseries. Strange I think but certainly not unusual amongst a certain set.

MrsGraph · 09/09/2011 15:21

I agree wholeheartedly about the whole selling things at baby showers, and while we are at it I generally can't stand the idea of any "selling" parties, eg. Ann Summers, Avon, Virgin Vie etc- I would be mortified at the idea of inviting my friends round so they would feel obliged to buy crappy stuff that isn't even that special, in order to make me some commission, I just don't get it.

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