Is this just an unusually early bedtime or a sign that something is amiss?

[Moulesfrites]

We spent saturday at pils and stayed overnight. Bil and sil were there too. They have 2 ds's, with a 11 m age gap. Oldest dd is 16m. She had some pizza for lunch at about 2 pm. At 6 pm bil and sil said they were going to put her to bed. I was confused as she hadn't had any tea, and they said "oh no, she's usually in bed at 4pm". Aibu to be a bit at this? Mil was horrified as she thinks it means the dd is under stimulated. Bil works nights at a call centre so mil thinks the early bedtime is so that they are in bed by the time bil goes out to work as sil can't cope with it alone.

Now in some ways I can sympathize, I have a 7mo ds and bath/ bedtime is a 2 man job! I am lucky that dh is around at bedtime, but if I had to do it myself I would, but 2 might be trickier. I'm sure a lot of people manage though. I just can't believe she goes to bed at 4! Does anyone else have a bedtime this early? Apparently she sleeps until 7am. Aibu to think this is unusual or am I just bitter because my ds is nowhere near sleeping through yet?

She also has a morning nap about 10 I think.

That sounds weird to me. Do they never give her tea?
I do all bath/bedtimes for my 17m old alone and will have to do it alone when next one arrives so sil is being a real wimp if that is the real reason!

So 15 hours at night plus say an hours nap? That doesn't sound quite right for her age IMHO.

Does she get enough food/meals in the day?
6pm bedtime is not all that unusual but 4pm? what time is the child waking up in the morning and what time is she actually falling asleep by?

To me the skipped meals and hours on her own would be ringing alarm bells for me.

That sounds way too early to me. I have a 16month old ds and he goes to bed at around 7.30pm and sleeps until about 6am if I'm lucky!
He has tea at around 4.30/5pm and a bottle just before bed.
He also sleeps for up to 2 hours in the day (varies) but always has 3 meals.

That is weird, and way too early. As I recall DD went to bed at around 7.30pm (though it did vary quite a bit) at that age. But I am more concerned about the lack of meals. DD always had an evening meal with us, as soon as she started weaning really. If she hadn't eaten at around 6.30pm she would have woken in the night ravenously hungry. I think an evening meal of some kind for young children is essential really.

The lack of stimulation and parental contact for that immense amount of time would also worry me. 15 hours straight is a long time in solitary for a child that young.

4pm does seem very early! And to sleep through till 7am too.
Do you know how long she naps for?
FWIW my DD barely slept at all the first year of her life-10 minute naps if I was lucky and up several times during the night.
When she got to about 15/16 months (she's now 18mo) she started sleeping from 7pm-8am and having a 2.5 hour nap during the day aswell so perhaps sleeping a lot is normal at that age?
I'd be more worried that your DN was going from 2pm to 7am with no food though!

not necessarily that length of time with no food but no fluids too. Thats a long long time. Would it be worth a call to the HV to pop in to see if mum is coping ok?

That does sound early. My 9mo goes down around 7pm and sleeps through til 6am if I'm lucky, still waking for two bottles (around 10pm and 5am)...I'd LOOOOVE an unbroken night's sleep

My ds was always in bed and asleep by 5.30, couldn't keep him up any longer he'd have fallen asleep anyway! However he was having 3 meals a day and woke about 4am for a feed and would then go back to sleep til anywhere between 9-11am. He only ever had 1 nap in the day because of this. This just happens to have been his sleep pattern. As he has gotten older (4 now) it has changed and he is rarely asleep before 8 pm now.

That does sound quite early and a long time too. DS2 is nearly 16 months and goes down at about 7pm and is usually awake at 5:30am. He varies with daytime naps from 1-2hrs depending on how active he's been.

The food thing would particularly concern me though.

4pm-7am is a long time. Mine go upstairs at six then lights out at 7:00 - 7:30 or later in holidays. They are between 13 and months and 6 years (13 month old normally falls asleep as soon as they go up even with the lights on etc so her bedtime is more like 6pm). I would worry more about the food and drink and also nappy changes she must get very wet/dirty nappies for all that time unless they wake her to change - its bad enough with normal bedtimes!

apparently I was a weird child and up until I was 6 I was in bed for 4.30 every night and slept til 7 the next day. Mum would make sure I'd had my tea though

I think in this case, part of the reason the DC is so tired is because they are missing the main meal of the day. It does seem a bit odd to miss tea

Sounds odd do they give her anything to help her sleep ? The only other i child i have heard of sleeping that long was a terrible case where parents were dosing the poor thing with antihistamines. Thank-fully this was stopped.

I'm not convinced it's hunger. Hunger would normally result in early waking/ not sleeping rather than sleeping too much.

It does seem quite a long time. If it was my child I'd probably mention it to the doctor. That said, DS basically slept 17 hrs a day until he was 8mo. I wish I'd enjoyed it instead of worrying there was something wrong with him.

Bed at 4pm with no tea? So the child only has 2 meals a day then? Poor little thing. I'd be concerned. Maybe her mum isn't coping well with having 2 children so close in age. Could you have a chat with her? YANBU to be concerned.

I have a similar age gap between mine, and at 18 months DD1 would go to bed around 6pm having had 4 meals in the day. DD2 would go around the same time but obviously would wake every few hours for feeding.

Some children just need a lot of sleep. From the age of about 2 months - 2 years or so, I slept from 6pm to 9am every night (right through) and also had a daytime nap. My mum used to wake me up at 9am as she thought she wouldn't fit all the feeds in! I don't need that much sleep now. I have a degree and am perfectly normal (well, I think I am!). Unfortunately none of my own children were similar to me!

It could be that although shes in bed at that time shes not actually asleep iyswim?

Perhaps she rises v early and has breakfast then lunch at 10 ish and dinner/evening meal at 2?.

It doesnt sound right to me but she wouldnt sleep unless she was tired or drugged.

It does seem rather odd, especially the lack of food! I could almost understand it if she had eaten a large cooked meal at 2 pm and then would probably not be hungry later and would be quite tired however I would still have expected her to have a bottle. I have nothing against pizza being given every now and again but it's not really enough for a baby to keep going on all day and all night. Could your MIL say something to either of them?

I'm just boggling that a child would willingly stay in bed that long. Mine never did. All those hours without food or water at such a young age?
Missing a meal every day is really disadvantaging them (well the older one anyway). Good nutrition makes all the difference later on.

Dh's initial reaction was " are they sedating her?" but it doesn't seem that funny to me. It is very odd and I just can't stop thinking about it, the fact that she might be sitting in her cot for hours just playing on her own . But then I would have thought hunger would lead to less sleep not more? Mil might well say something, she was appalled.

my DD is now 21 months and really active but she still sleeps loads goes to bed later 8pm sleeps till 8.15 but quite happy to lie awake and though i obviosly give her breakfast she is not desparate for it so she goes 13 hours without eating/drinking she drinks loads and has 3 meals and at least 1 snack she then sleeps 2 hours minimum after lunch but mostly 2.5 about 1.30pm to 4pm I mostly wake her then as if she sleeps till 5 which she would she then does not want to go to bed at 8pm, so she has 14.5 hours at least a day. I generally don't say how well my DD sleeps and has always slept as it does sometimes make mothers of non sleepers mad/jealous/guilty etc and it does not help to rub it in that yours sleeps; but I know it is just her she needs it not that i have magic sleep solution

if the child is happy and not underweight why worry, if she sleeps till 7 she may have breakfast at 7 good snack at 10 and lunch at 2 so may be getting 3 meals

Hmm, ever since we started bedtime routines mine have gone to bed at same time - 7pm! So tea at 5, bath at 6.15, bed by 7. So definitely from 6 months on that would happen. Sounds really odd. Get your mIL to ask! Hope everything is OK.

It does sound weird. But on the same note DD stayed in bed a LOT at that age. She would go to bed at a normal time but sleep very late for a toddler (9 or 10) and have naps of up to 4hours.

The truth was that she didn't sleep all that time, she liked to play in her cot on her own. And it was so unusual it freaked me out a bit, I certainly wouldn't have put her to bed any earlier.

I think the fact that she isn't regular being given dinner is more worrying.

(Now DD has a bed that odd habit has totally gone and she sleeps much more normal hours, but can still add at least an hour to the normal naptime for her age playing on her own.)

YANBU. That's just odd. How is your sil otherwise? Is she OK?