Is this just an unusually early bedtime or a sign that something is amiss?

[Moulesfrites]

We spent saturday at pils and stayed overnight. Bil and sil were there too. They have 2 ds's, with a 11 m age gap. Oldest dd is 16m. She had some pizza for lunch at about 2 pm. At 6 pm bil and sil said they were going to put her to bed. I was confused as she hadn't had any tea, and they said "oh no, she's usually in bed at 4pm". Aibu to be a bit at this? Mil was horrified as she thinks it means the dd is under stimulated. Bil works nights at a call centre so mil thinks the early bedtime is so that they are in bed by the time bil goes out to work as sil can't cope with it alone.

Now in some ways I can sympathize, I have a 7mo ds and bath/ bedtime is a 2 man job! I am lucky that dh is around at bedtime, but if I had to do it myself I would, but 2 might be trickier. I'm sure a lot of people manage though. I just can't believe she goes to bed at 4! Does anyone else have a bedtime this early? Apparently she sleeps until 7am. Aibu to think this is unusual or am I just bitter because my ds is nowhere near sleeping through yet?

It seems like alot to me. My kids go to bed around 7pm. At half four we're just eating tea.

On a side note. You think bathing one child is a two person job ? I bath all three of mine on my own and have always done. (aged 6,3 and 20 months) even when youngest was a newborn I managed to do them on my on

It's hard to tell lemon. I don't think she would say if she was having problems coping. She is quite young (21), neither dd was planned, and I think this has made her quite defensive, like she has to prove to people she can do it. She is always bragging on fb about how good her girls are, how they have both slept through since 8 weeks etc. Me and my friends with babies spend all our time bemoaning our lack of sleep, etc but she would never join in, it's as if she would see it as an admission of failure or something. She also has weird food issues, she doesn't eat much and what she does have tends to be takeaways, pizzas etc. She was funny about her dd touching food for ages, saying it was messy, but I think she has got over this now.

My oldest was sometimes a 2 man job because she had reflux, so one of us would clear up my DD and ourselves and re-feed her while the other cleared up the floor/walls/carpet. 2 dcs can be a 2 man job if they both need supporting/close supervision in the bath.

Anyway back to the subject . . . have none of the family been aware of this before? That she sleeps 15 hours a night and only has 2 meals a day?

That is odd and worrying IMO. At that age a child needs 3 meals plus a couple of snacks. Putting a child to bed at 4pm with no tea does not sound good......that's the way children were punished 50 years ago.

I don't think it needs two people Icooksocks, but we have just always done it together, out of habit I suppose. It's quite nice. As I say, if I had to do it myself I would, obviously, and have done if dh has been home late.

Dd1 would sleep 12 standard, but occasionally up to 14 hours at night from 8 weeks. From about 9 months she was napping for 2-3 hours in the afternoon. Even if she woke at 6pm she was always off to sleep no problems at 8:30pm. She slept those hours until she was about 2.9yo when she started to drop the afternoon sleep.
She did eat well though.

On the basis of what you've said, If she's sparko for the whole 14 hours then that would be unusual, plus a nap, and only one or two small meals a day doesn't sound enough food. No dinner at 16 months? EVen if they're overdoing the milk she should have something to nibble at at tea time surely.

Its possible she's not going straight to sleep but that she's occupying herself in her cot for more than an hour in the evening and in the morning before she nods off. But I'd say that isn't ideal either, OK enteraining themselves for a while is good or soothing themselves to sleep is good but too much time penned up on their own awake is a bit neglectful.

Toddlers tend to be more vocal about articulating their desire for more food or to get out of bed when they're not tired any more, so there may be a natural end to it.

I still put DS2 (21 months) down at 630pm - I used to put him down at 6. he wakes at six and naps once if I am lucky for about 90 mins but he's had three little meals plus snacks for at least a year. And he still gets bottle of milk morning and night .

My dd1 would have been in bed by 5.30 up until she was about 2. She would have had her dinner at about 4pm, she was up for the day at around 5.45am. So she would have slept around 12 hours at night with 1 nap during the day. Some days we would have fought to keep her up until 5.30pm. The next two didn't follow in her footsteps!! But at 16 months she would still have had milk in the morning and at night and three meals plus the odd snack just earlier in the day than most.

I would be very concerned.

It does seem rather early 4 pm to settle for the night,
How does the child seem? Happy and active in her self?
How does she appears?
If malnourished, withdrawn, under active, yes I would agree there is a reason for concern, I am not sure what can you do about it.
Somebody up in the tread mentioned, child would wake up earlier if hungry, or not sleep soundly, but on the other hand if this has been going on for a while, child would not wake just for food and would be use to this unhealthy routine
Going by my two when they were that age, I feel stretch of 15 hours sleep without proper dinner it's way too long.

pretty unanimous that something's not quite right then.

whosegotmyeyebrows they live about 1.5 hours away from PIL and don't see them that often, although I do recall mil commenting that she thought dn slept an awful lot.

I wouldn't say she looks malnourished. She is quite slight, she felt lighter than my 7mo ds but then he is a 91st centil bruiser.

Don't know what to do now.

are you related to mysil. I agree with your mil under stimulated.

my dneice is only ever awake for 1n hour and a half at a time sleep for an hour so probably three hour long naps a day and in bed at around 5pm, she is 2 next month and I feel she appears more like a one year old.

At 16 months, I would expect a toddler to be in bed from 7pm, - 6am. With an hour am nap and a 2 hour pm nap. (When I say expect, I mean hope )

So if the toddler went to bed at 4pm....slept for two hours, then woke up for three/four hours, and ate during that time, and then went to bed at 10pm and slept until 7am it would be a normal routine, just shifted a couple of hours. Could that be an explanation?

That's weird IMO. My friends ds was a very sleepy baby, would go down 6 ish sometimes and they would have to wake him at 9am, turned out he had a really severe milk allergy which makes him sleepy and was also anaemic, not sure why but even he didn't go down at 4pm.

Its the food thing that worries me too. Not sure what can be done though.

Lynette, she does not wake up after 4 - she sleeps through til 7am - sil takes great pride in telling people how she sleeps through and has since she was 8wo

Does she seem alert and lively Moulesfrites? Not ill in any way?
I cannot imagine 17m dd doing that, and she does generally do 7-7 so she's not a bad sleeper.
The only time we've had anything like 4pm -7am has been when she's had a virus with really high temps but I'd be waking her up at 6 and 8 to do milk and medicine and she'd have another moment at 2-3am.
festi - am also shocked about your niece. Only awake for an hour and a half - that's like a 12 week old!!

no, not a nap. bedtime.

worrying - I second contacting a hv to 'pop in' and personally if my sil had told me that about my niece or nephew I would have gone mad!!! 4pm is way too early.

I am worried.

It doesn't sound right at all.

I think if it was normally 6pm that would be fine. But 4pm is not bedtime in anybodys spectrum.

And clearly she is not getting an evening meal. Very strange indeed, and I would be concerned too.

I suspect she does wake in the night OP and just stays quiet. when my sil stayed with my dn she woke in the night and was awake for 2 hours just cooing in her cot, she didnt cry, I suspect that she is just to that, I was itching to go into her, she wasnt distressed in any way, I found that very strange and I couldnt settle utill she was back to sleep but dsil gave her a bottle and left her to it, I wouldnt be giving a nightime bottle at that age. I suppose different people have different ideas.

I find that quite heartbreaking festi. I just hate the thought of dn playing in her cot alone in the dark .

My eldest was a good sleeper.From 6 weeks would go down at 7pm- sleep till 6am, have a feed and nappy change then sleep again till 10am.

But at your DN age she was sleeping 7pm-7am.

My youngest is 15 months old. Day starts between 6-7am with breakfast/playtime etc plus doing school run. She has a nap around 9.30am for around 2 hours. Lunch at 11.30/12. Has snack in afternoon. Evening meal 4.30/5pm. Bath time pm. She is in bed for 6,30pm and sometimes straight to sleep but usually by 7pm.

Would be weird to me if she slept from 4pm-7am. My partner would hardly see her after work, and my eldest would have no time with her little sister as she does not finish school till 3.15.

Did she really eat NOTHING else before bed:?