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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to my friends birthday meal

78 replies

moominliz · 06/09/2011 10:22

I don't know if I'm being a bit precious and unreasonable so need some MN opinions!
Its my very good friends birthday at the end of this month and she's booked a meal then going for drinks afterwards. However, I'll be 5 and a half months pregnant, no real problem there (obviously wouldn't go for drinks just meal) but the restaurant is an hours drive from where I live, in a city I don't know and I'll be going on my own. The table is booked for 8:30 so it would be a late night.
My DP is also a bit concerned about me driving that late at night and having to find my way round a city I don't know on my own.
AIBU and a bit pathetic to consider not going!?

OP posts:

G1nger · 06/09/2011 10:44

Can't you find somewhere cheap to stay overnight?

BimboNo5 · 06/09/2011 10:44

I cant actually believe since joining MN how many women (and men) seem to think they are made out of glass during pregnancy, ive never heard the 'but im pregnant' as reasoning for not doing very ordinary low risk things quite so much. Am I the only person who went about life pretty much as normal?

SnakeOnCrack · 06/09/2011 10:45

If you're not feeling unwell/over tired then I don't really see the issue. Obviously it's up to you, but take a good look at the area on a map, plan which car park you'll use (with a back up) and plot your route.. or use a sat nav if you want (if you don't have one, borrow one?). Being pregnant doesn't really enter into the equation does it?

I'm 5 months pregnant now and it wouldn't put me off.. if you're worried though, why don't you drive to your friends, travel in with her, go the drinks (soft drinks obvisouly!) then on to dinner, travel back with her and drive home from her house? (assuming they're not going clubbing etc and if they are, get a taxi back to hers to collect your car?).

And it looks like you'll finish at about 11pm, hardly a late night.

It's a rubbish excuse though if I'm honest!

mamofK · 06/09/2011 10:45

I'm guessing this is your first pregnancy and you feel a bit precious. I went to a wedding in Kiev by myself (DH was working) when 6 months pregnant - so (not being mean here) get over yourself! City driving at night will be fine, there'll be no traffic. Park outside restaurant so no walking by yourself. However, if at last minute you just feel a bit crap, then don't go - but don't limit yourself this far in advance. Enjoy your last few months of freedom when you can just go off out for dinner with friends with no hassle (apart from that of your own making).

BoscoIsMyLover · 06/09/2011 10:47

Im sorry I think its a bit of a cop out too...As mouse says, if you would have gone when you werent pregnant, there is no reason not to go now.

Vallhala · 06/09/2011 10:47

I fail to see the problem.

And no, Bimbo, you're not alone (says she who went riding, walked miles each day, went out for the night and at 8 months pregnant did a sponsored jail break from Scotland to South of England, hitch-hiking all the way, travelling on the floor of transit vans... ). :o

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 06/09/2011 10:49

In that case OP, drive to one of the other's houses and go in with the rest of them. If you decide not to go on for drinks afterwards you can get a taxi back to your car and drive home from there.

smilesy · 06/09/2011 10:49

I think the issue here is that you are not comfortable driving in a city you don't know. The pregnancy at 5 months is a bit irrelevant (apart from not drinking!) I think you should get out while you can as others have said. later in pregnancy and certainly when lo arrives it will be more difficult. Why don't you do a trial run in the city if possible? You may well find when the baby is born that you have to drive to all sorts of weird and wonderful strange places wit lo in tow so may as well get some practice in beforehand!

drcrab · 06/09/2011 10:49

if you're feeling well and the pregnancy has so far been stressfree, then you should go. especially if it's a really good friend's birthday party. Can't DP drop you off and then say hang out somewhere (maybe at the good friend's partner's house or...) so that you don't have to do the drive there and back?

upahill · 06/09/2011 10:50

bimbono5 I totally agree with you.

As long as there are no complications or medical advice telling you otherwise life goes on and for me that meant my social life (except no drinking) still went to gigs, still travelled- managed to get to America, Canada, Malta and Tunisa while pregnant with DS1. I worked until 4 days before DS1 was born and was still working when DS2 was born (he was early)
I know not everyone can and maybe next time around I wouldn't be as well but I have thought quite a few times 'hmmm you are only pregnant' quite a few times since I've been on mn.

create · 06/09/2011 10:52

Well, if you don't want to go then don't. If you don't want/think you should go because you're pregnant then you're being ridiculous.

In a few month's time you won't be able to go without arranging childcare. Make the most of every opportunity!

NHScutback · 06/09/2011 10:52

i personally don't get this whole pregnancy preciousness, these threads always contain an over protective DP somewhere don't they?
I was at the other end of the stupid spectrum though, put off starting mat leave, finished a night shift and went into labour on the train on the way home.

MrsRhettButler · 06/09/2011 10:54

Oooh, you do sound a bit feeble tbh.

What's the problem with late night driving?

Original poster

moominliz · 06/09/2011 10:59

I obviously am being a bit precious.

I don't think that now I'm pregnant I'm made of glass or should stay indoors away from harms way, more that it alters how I'd ordinarily be. I would have stayed at my friends and gone with her so (therefore I wouldn't have needed to worry about driving in a city I dont know) but as they are planning on going on to bars/ club after the meal the times don't go together i.e. I'll want to come away earlier as I really don't fancy going clubbing!

OP posts:

Takitezee · 06/09/2011 11:00

If you don't want to go then don't but please don't use your pregnancy as an excuse, it gives pregnant women a bad name. I can't see any reason that you have brought your pregnancy into this other than using it as a get of jail free card.

Why is your dh so worried? Surely the city will have signposts and you have a mobile phone and breakdown cover for your car.

YABU and a bit pathetic yes.

Cocoflower · 06/09/2011 11:03

I wouldn't blame for not going clubbing though

Bad enough when not pregnant!

BimboNo5 · 06/09/2011 11:04

You've got to live your life, you're a long time stuck in the house with a screaming baby going out of your mind and considering dialing the talking clock just to hear an adult voice...

LovelyCuppa · 06/09/2011 11:04

Stay over?

slavetofilofax · 06/09/2011 11:04

I think you are being a bit feeble too tbh, I'd feel let down by a friend doing this to me, because there is no real reason why you shouldn't go. If your reason is that you are feeling a bit precious because you're pregnant, then say that. I would have far more respect for someone that could tell the truth and admit they were being slightly unreasonable than I would someone that made feeble excuses.

Most people understand that you feel a bit precious with your first pregnancy, but it's harder to understand why a grown woman can't cope with driving in a city just because she has never been there before. Especially if your freinds offered to walk you to your car, which I'm sure they would.

If this is your first pregnancy and your dh is so concerned, why can't he drive you there and pick you up? Or even just pick you up in the evening if you got the train there?

BimboNo5 · 06/09/2011 11:06

I went to a friends hen night when 32 weeks pregnant. I spent £6 all night and had a great laugh at her pissed up mother flashing her threpenny bits to all and sundry.

firsttimer84 · 06/09/2011 11:11

I hate that some people think that all pregnancies are the same. Some people can still be running forty miles a day until the day they give birth, whilst some people actually can't do anything but sleep past 730pm.

Op if you don't feel confident going, don't go. You're not being precious, you're having doubts whether you could actually do it and I think the answer is no if your immediate opinion isn't yes of course I can go.

Cocoflower · 06/09/2011 11:14

Its the called the "competitive pregnancy sydrome" dont'cha know firsttimer84 ?

upahill · 06/09/2011 11:15

firstimer, moominliz has said it is because she doesn't want to go clubbing not that she is knackered or struggling.

I wouldn't want to go clubing before or after a meal either!!! (in fact I would be happy never to go clubbing ever again!!)

Laquitar · 06/09/2011 11:15

If this is your first and not other children to mind you can have a nice nap before you go so that you wont be tired and you enjoy it. You can still go to the bar, have a non alcohol drink.

If you don't want to go thats another issue....

G1nger · 06/09/2011 11:17

I wouldnt go out drinking afterwards, certainly. I went to a concert at around 26 weeks and spent a lot of time feeling pissed off with people bumping into me and knocking my bump. But I would - at your stage of pregnancy, given how I felt at the time myself- and if I could afford it- check in to a hotel (or get a taxi) and go to the meal.

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