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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to my friends birthday meal

78 replies

moominliz · 06/09/2011 10:22

I don't know if I'm being a bit precious and unreasonable so need some MN opinions!
Its my very good friends birthday at the end of this month and she's booked a meal then going for drinks afterwards. However, I'll be 5 and a half months pregnant, no real problem there (obviously wouldn't go for drinks just meal) but the restaurant is an hours drive from where I live, in a city I don't know and I'll be going on my own. The table is booked for 8:30 so it would be a late night.
My DP is also a bit concerned about me driving that late at night and having to find my way round a city I don't know on my own.
AIBU and a bit pathetic to consider not going!?

OP posts:
saadia · 06/09/2011 10:23

YANBU I wouldn't want to go either.

HairyGrotter · 06/09/2011 10:24

You can do what you want, your friend might be a bit miffed but if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it.

Cocoflower · 06/09/2011 10:25

If it was because you felt very unwell and exhaustedin your pregnancy and need to be in bed by 9pm like me then YANBU

But driving late at night- 8.30 is not really that late...

Its your choice but I think the reasons are a little bit feeble!

smoggii · 06/09/2011 10:26

I would go but months 5 and 6 were my only good months during pregnancy! Can you offer to do something just for the two of you another time? I'm sure your friend will understand if you just don't feel up to it.

scrambedeggs · 06/09/2011 10:26

shock horror, pregnant woman goes out alone after 8 pm!!

get back in that cotton wool woman!!

fanjobanjowanjo · 06/09/2011 10:27

yanbu city driving's a nightmare anyway if you don't know the city, specially if it's dark (as it will be later on). Is there anyone going who's coming from your way you can carpool with?

lels99 · 06/09/2011 10:27

I made many alast minute excuses for not attending events like this whilst I was pregnant. Didnt feel like I could say in advance that I wasnt up to it so was very sick a lot :(

SenoritaViva · 06/09/2011 10:27

I wouldn't have a problem with it but then a) I own a sat nav and b) I'm a bit like that.

It's up to you although you friend may feel a little put out, can you suggest having lunch with her at another time?

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 06/09/2011 10:29

If you don't feel up to it, don't go!

It will be a late night and you will feel shattered! Don't worry what other people think - bear in mind that it is YOU that willl be feeling crap the next day (though probaby the rest of the group will, too with hangoversGrin). But seriously, look after yourself first. I am sure your friend would be understanding and if she is not then she's not much of a friend. I would perhaps suggest another outing closer to home maybe?

Either way don't fuss. Put yourself first.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 06/09/2011 10:32

I think you are being a little BU, but then I'm me and not you.

Personally I'd make the effort to go to the meal at least, you could even go to the drinks bit too and have soft drinks - there's no compulsion to drink alcohol in bars!. At that stage in your pregnancy you should be feeling pretty good.

I'd look into car sharing, or bus/train alternatives if you're not keen on driving but if it comes to it then borow a sat nav.

This will be one of the easiest nights out to arrange that you'll have in a long time (I'm thinking once your lo is here) so go on and make the most of it!

Bloodymary · 06/09/2011 10:32

I do not see a problem with driving in a strange city, late(ish), after dark whilst pregnant myself. What could possibly happen?

Tho, of course if you do not want to go, then do not go!

Original poster
moominliz · 06/09/2011 10:35

Everyone else going lives quite local to the restaurant so couldn't car share.

I know pregnancy isn't an affliction and am ordinarily quite independent.

Driving there at 8 isn't the issue, its the city driving and the drive home a few hours later that I don't hugely like the idea of.

OP posts:
WineAndPizza · 06/09/2011 10:37

Really wouldn't see the problem - I don't understand why being pregnant means you shouldn't drive after 8.30? If that's all that's stopping you then I'd say use a map or a sat nav (or share a lift) and tell your DH that he's being a little over-protective.

However it sounds like you just don't want to go - which of course is fine, and don't - but if I was your very good friend I think I'd be a little hurt.

harassedandherbug · 06/09/2011 10:38

YAB a bit U.

They are pretty feeble excuses, and remember that there won't be many chances to go out for a while once the baby arrives.

I'm 25 weeks, and I'd def go, and would for quite some time to come but then that's me.

WineAndPizza · 06/09/2011 10:38

Sorry - x posted with you - even still I don't see the problem with driving a few hours later, bring your mobile. If your DH is really concerned can he drop you off and pick you up? Or come along?

MajorB · 06/09/2011 10:39

If you're genuinely worried about the drive there and back, could you borrow a sat nav from someone for the night (presumably you don't own one or you wouldn't be worried) and stay the night with your friend who will I'm sure be pleased for a lift home?

If it's actually a case of not wanting to go, then make your excuses and don't bother - but don't get upset in the future if that friend/friendship group doesn't make an effort for your events.

diddl · 06/09/2011 10:40

Is the concern more yours or your partner´s?

Can you drive to someone´s house & get a lift to the restaurant?

Then taxi back to your car & drive home?

Or if you just don´t fancy it, don´t go & meet your friend somewhere more convenient to celebrate.

emsyj · 06/09/2011 10:40

I think it is a bit pathetic, sorry, but if you were my friend I would let you off if you said you were too tired due to pregnancy.

MinesaGandT · 06/09/2011 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BrawToken · 06/09/2011 10:41

I would go, but then I'll do anything for social time with adults Grin

mousesma · 06/09/2011 10:41

Would you go if you wasn't pregnant? I think if the answer is yes then your excuses are a bit weak (assuming of course you are having a problem free pregnancy).

BimboNo5 · 06/09/2011 10:42

Why would you or your DP be 'concerned' about driving at night Confused

Thumbwitch · 06/09/2011 10:42

Actually I probably wouldn't go, but mostly because I discovered that my spatial awareness went off while I was pg and I had a couple of minor scrapes through misjudgement that I wouldn't have normally done - so doing a drive in the dark in a city I don't know while pg would have been a touch daunting for me as well, especially coming home when you'll be tired as well.

Your friend should understand that you are not comfortable with it, whether or not she agrees with your reasons.

upahill · 06/09/2011 10:43

YABU
If your pregnancy is ok then no problems.

I remember driving round Liverpool (not knowing the city) two weeks before DS1 was due looking for the Empire to see Patti Smith. (about hour and half from where I was living at the time and took 2 and 1/4 hours because I got lost and didn't know where to park!)

Looking back that was a bit bonkers because it was before Sat Nav. However I really really wanted to see Patti Smith. (t'was fab!!)

If you are feeling well go and enjoy yourself.

flack · 06/09/2011 10:44

Most of us find pregnancy pretty tiring, if you feel too tired to face those extra challenges right now fair enough. Only you can call it.