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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him walk to school

137 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 06/09/2011 08:51

I'm pissed off already and it's not even 9am. Angry

I said to my ds1 on Friday who is 14 years of age he is to find his Oyster card ready for back to school today. He hasnt found it and has said 'just stop my pocket money for 2 weeks and get another one' This is his bloody answer for everything and he must have had 8 last year if not more.

I know it's a hated phrase on here but I will use it anyway. These kids have a sense of entitlement that is astounding. I am trying to rectify this .

He rolls his eyes at me and has just screamed at me 'I've looked for it' He hasn't looked for it he's just lifted up a few items.

Sometimes I just wanna smack that attitude right from him.

I'm fucking furious that the 1st day back, nothing has changed and we are doing the ole lost Oyster routine.

He is just not bothered and knows full well I will replace it. He dont even care. So, AIBU to make him walk to and from school until it's found.

Its about 1 .5 miles and would take him around 20-25 minutes

OP posts:
antshouse · 07/09/2011 10:07

Could you buy the snacks and let them take them in from home. That way you aren't giving them extra cash and have more control over the snacks.

sarahtigh · 07/09/2011 10:15

personally i would walk all the time, I walked to school and back from 5-18 upto 12 it was 6 minute walk but i came home for lunch so did it 4 times a day at senior school 25 mins both ways family only had 1 car which took my father to work so not available had to walk whether wind rain or snow ( in 1970 & 80's school was not cancelled due to snow.
There was no bus to catch

regarding £2 obviously he has to pay back, if docking money does not work ban things using electricity x box laptop DVD TV music centre it may concentrate the mind!!! have to be earned back

ladyintheradiator · 07/09/2011 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2011 10:44

Oh yes I see I misread. I agree with you ladyintheradiator.

mankyminks · 07/09/2011 10:44

Well done so far,he might learn to enjoy the walk you never know Grin. My DC walk absolutely everywhere within a 5 mile radius or cycle if that takes their fancy. Don't think they would even consider asking for a lift in the car as they know that would be met with a [Hmm. We all do,we have a car but that's more for weekly shopping trips and trips further out. It keeps you fit in a very easy,natural way. DD went to her first hockey training last night after a 2 months break and was easily the fittest of them all. Out run the lot on stamina.

With regards to school snacks,I put £10 in each of my DC's school cantine account on the 1st of every month. They can do with that what they like,if they blow it on day 1,fine by me,if they save it up that's fine too. Teaches them to budget as it isn't enough to buy a snack every day and each month has a different amount of schooldays. They take a packed lunch to school and there's always plenty of fruit in the bowl so no need to go without.

DD saved her cantine money up once to take her friend 'out' for school lunch as she was dying to try it,but never had any money Grin

LoveBeingIgnoredByMardyBra · 07/09/2011 10:58

Then they need to earn their money to realise the value of it.

Smellslikecatpee · 07/09/2011 11:49

DO NOT BUY HIM A NEW ONE!!!

If he?s lost it in the house he?ll find it if he looks properly, if he?s lost it outside the house he walks till he gets fed up enough to save his pocket money.

As for DS 2 he gets his pocket money stopped and stays stopped till he works it off.

Make a list of chores (and not stuff that he should be doing like keeping his room tidy, or clearing table etc.) a list of jobs like cleaning the car; sorting out the garage etc. Give them a monetary value and tell him to choose amd get on with it.

If you don?t have their respect now when will you get it?

Smellslikecatpee · 07/09/2011 11:53

Is the snack money as well as pocket money?
If so that should stop too, pocket money is for things like snacks, things they want not need like sweets and snacks.

No wonder hes not bothered about you stopping his pocket money if he still has all his little luxuries in life

And yes snacks and sweets are luxuries.

Tyrionlovingyourwork · 07/09/2011 12:15

How much money do your DC get? If they get pocket money, this should be their entire budget IMHO.

Also, if you think snacks are necessary, buy them with your shopping and let them take them from home.

Also chores/ behaviour and pocket money should be linked

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 07/09/2011 12:24

DS1 (14) getss £7.00 a week, this has been cut as he doesnt do his chores.
he has to empty the dishwasher daily and take the dog for a walk 30 mins weekdays and an hour weekends.

He was bringing the dog back after 10 minutes ALL the time and the dog was crapping in the garden as a result

DS2 (11 ) gets £3.00 a week, he gets up with the baby in the mornings at weekends while I have an extra hour in bed. He's an early riser and so is baby (she's3 btw, not a baby baby)

OP posts:
Smellslikecatpee · 07/09/2011 12:26

But is that as well as snack money?

Tyrionlovingyourwork · 07/09/2011 12:30

DS1 14 gets £7
DS2 11 gets £3
How much for lunches/ snacks?

Do they get anything else?

killercat · 07/09/2011 12:33

I'd make him walk Grin But then, I'd probably make him walk anyway!

ivykaty44 · 07/09/2011 12:49

Noooo don't buy him a replacement card - if he wants a card he can use his pocket money to buy one. As winter goes on and it gets colder it will be his choice whether he walks or uses his pocket money to buy a replacement free card.

Let him make the choices, don't do everything for him let him decide and work things out for himself.

cottonreels · 07/09/2011 13:03

If you give ds1 snack money, wont he just spend it on busfare?

Snorbs · 07/09/2011 13:25

If he spends the snack money on busfare then it's still a valuable learning experience. It shouldn't take him too long to realise that if he got off his arse and found his Oyster Card he'd be able to get snacks and the bus.

fivegomadindorset · 07/09/2011 14:21

I would stop the pocket money. I would say here is what I want you to do and this is how much you will get if you do it. Then the responsibiity is on them to earn it.

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 07/09/2011 15:03

I give snack money on top a couple of pounds once or twice a week. No I dont give anything else and they dont have to buy anything out of that , I buy toiletries and anything they need.

OP posts:
notcitrus · 07/09/2011 15:06

Once he's saved up enough pocket money, he can buy a new Oyster himself if he wants - he's old enough to make a simple phone call!
If he doesn't want... well that's his problem. Bus probably takes the same time if it's anything like my part of London.

Not your problem.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 07/09/2011 16:04

So what is their pocket money for? Not sweets, not cans of Lynx. What else is there for 14yo boys to buy?

Seriously - you are spoiling him, in the truest sense of that word. In another couple of years he will be beyond your control and it will be too late.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 07/09/2011 16:11

DS1 has a monthlly allowance paid into his bank account. It is to cover ALL his expenses (mobile top up, bus fares, school lunches -I will provide him with a pack lunch for free, treats etc) When it's gone IT'S GONE. Last year he spent his allowance one month within 10 days. He then had to cycle to school for the rest of the month, take a packed lunch every day and miss out on some treats. It was November and freezing. maybe I'm harsh but he hasn't done that again and I hope it helps him realise what budgeting and managing his finances is all about.

GandTiceandaslice · 07/09/2011 16:14

He should be walking that anyway. IMO.
hoiks up judgey-judgey pants Wink

Smellslikecatpee · 08/09/2011 11:47

So £7 pocket money and £2-4 snack money, lets split the difference we'll say £10 a week for nothing (you said he wasn't doing his assigned chores)
You buy all his toiletries, so what does the money go on?
Serious question?

I don't know about anyone else but £10 a week is a lot of money to me now never mind at 14.

In a few years time he'll be out in the world (hopefully) be it working or at uni. Ask yourself now how long do you want to/ can you afford to sub him?
Because respect for money won't appear when he gets his first pay cheque, he'll assume that if he blows it all at once that you'll sort it all out.

Theres a programme on I think it's BBC3 or 4, called young dumb and living off Mum, they maybe extreme examples but thats where you're heading.

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 08/09/2011 11:59

I don't really know what he spends his money on, chips sometimes, drinks, I don't know to be honest.

Like I say I buy sweets , toiletries, clothes and phone contract etc.

He phoned me up this morning asking me for a lift, because he caught me on the hop I said I don't know. I will be out and about around the time he comes out of school so I could do it, but I should still say 'no' shouldnt I?

He was asking me about an xbox his mate was selling for £85.00 this morning, he asked me about a bike last week as 'it's only £90.00' / I told him I'm getting him nothing until Christmas ,

He had a brand new HTC Wildfire last month. I'm starting to realise that he /they have no concept of money

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 08/09/2011 12:05

If he wants a taxi service form you - you will need to explain that the fare of 2 quid per lift ( this will cover wear and tear on tyres, gear box and petrol) needs to be paid in the morning before he wants a lift and to except that the taxi will not always be available....