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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him walk to school

137 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 06/09/2011 08:51

I'm pissed off already and it's not even 9am. Angry

I said to my ds1 on Friday who is 14 years of age he is to find his Oyster card ready for back to school today. He hasnt found it and has said 'just stop my pocket money for 2 weeks and get another one' This is his bloody answer for everything and he must have had 8 last year if not more.

I know it's a hated phrase on here but I will use it anyway. These kids have a sense of entitlement that is astounding. I am trying to rectify this .

He rolls his eyes at me and has just screamed at me 'I've looked for it' He hasn't looked for it he's just lifted up a few items.

Sometimes I just wanna smack that attitude right from him.

I'm fucking furious that the 1st day back, nothing has changed and we are doing the ole lost Oyster routine.

He is just not bothered and knows full well I will replace it. He dont even care. So, AIBU to make him walk to and from school until it's found.

Its about 1 .5 miles and would take him around 20-25 minutes

OP posts:
Readyisknitting · 06/09/2011 11:39

My dc's walked that to school and nursery in half an hour every morning. Didn't make them go at that pace going home though. I totally agree, he will not lose it if the weather is pants.

Loving the phrase 'parent the attitude out of him'!!!!!

MrsRobertDuvall · 06/09/2011 11:45

He seems to have no boundaries and no punishments.
He is walking all over you.

DoMeDon · 06/09/2011 12:44

Agree that you need to take the small stuff seriuosly too. I feel for you - it sounds like your boys aren't showing you much respect.

I would be very firm over this stuff and be removing privilages for sure - with consistency. OC is a privilege AFAIC

Illegitimate · 06/09/2011 16:28

Did he walk home OP? Hopefully the dreadful weather will encourage him to look harder

AppleyEverAfter · 06/09/2011 16:33

I'd make him walk, he may keep hold of the next card for longer if you do.

mumeeee · 06/09/2011 18:29

Make him walk. When my DDs were at high school they sometimes got a bus and sometimes walked. 1.5 miles is not fat for a 14 year old to walk.

FabbyChic · 06/09/2011 18:37

Just as you walk into our hallway from the front door there is one of those radiator cabinets, on their I have put a glass bowl, in that bowl goes my sons wallet and his keys, I also put my keys there, we never lose our keys and my son never loses his pass or his wallet because it is in the bowl.

Have somewhere so that when he comes home at night his keys and his wallet/Oyster card go right by the front door so that he always knows where it is.

LoveBeingIgnoredByMardyBra · 06/09/2011 19:10

I hope you didn't give in _Grin

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 06/09/2011 19:56

OP - apologies if i have you confused with someone else, but didn't you post a while ago about how you thought you and your DH were too soft on your DCs and bought them too much stuff? Sounds like this is all part and parcel.

Again apologies if I have mixed you up with another poster.

SeniorWrangler · 06/09/2011 20:00

My dyspraxic 10 year old cycles 2 miles each way to and from school every day. What's he getting the bus for???

robotlollypopman · 06/09/2011 20:01

1.5miles? Unless he IS an oyster, make him walk.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/09/2011 20:13

"Have somewhere so that when he comes home at night his keys and his wallet/Oyster card go right by the front door"

Only trouble with this is, it makes it very easy for a thief. We got burgled, thief only got as far as the downstairs hall; got my handbag, DH's phone, carkeys, DS's wallet, back out of the house in seconds. By all means have a glass bowl, but after everyone's stuff is in it, take it to the upstairs hall for the night and bring it back down again in the morning.

BlueFergie · 06/09/2011 20:17

Shiny - the stealing of the £2 would piss me off a lot I have to say. My punishment for this would be that the amount be repaid plus a fine for theft and an extremely high rate of interest. So for the £2 I would dock at least £5 from allowance. That should teach the little chancer.

SpamMarie · 06/09/2011 20:24

25 minutes walk? My mum wouldn't have even offered to buy me an oyster card to begin with! She had us walking the 25 minutes to school as soon as we started aged 11. Just make sure he has a brolly and he'll be fine!

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 07/09/2011 08:53

Alibaba You are right that is us Smile

Day 2 of making him walk although it is quite a nice morning and not dreadful like it was yesterday. He still hasn't made an extraordinary effort to find his Oyster.

I did say to DP that we will buy him one once we think he has genuinely made an effort to look for it.

Or should I still not?

BTW the £2.00 was the other son Wink

OP posts:
nocake · 07/09/2011 08:56

No, don't buy him a new one. Make him save for it himself or he won't learn the value of things and will be forever turning to you to get him out of financial problems.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 07/09/2011 09:03

no, Don't buy him another one. And stop his pocket money for all of the children. A sense of entitlement is not the way forwards. They have to earn money as we do. Whether that's through good behaviour, chores, jobs, etc that is up to you to instigate and make sure they are carried through.

Also, stop buying them new clothes and anything else unless its really mandatory for their day to day existence.

TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2011 09:08

DON'T BUY another one. A reasonabe effort would result in finding it. A slack effort will not. Let him discover that for himself. If you do everything for your children you are literally spoiling them, ie you are making them less effective/nice/able to look after themselves in the adult world. You are making them the kind of unpleasant dicks that people are complaining about in the relationships section.

Againagainagain · 07/09/2011 09:15

Mines just left school but he always walked, takes around 30mins. Mine is a really lazy sod but had no choice. I'd make him walk even if it's just for a few weeks. Might teach him to be more careful with things

ladyintheradiator · 07/09/2011 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eglu · 07/09/2011 09:27

Agree with pps, don't buy him a new one. He can buy his own. It won't kill him to walk.

fivegomadindorset · 07/09/2011 09:36

No, he lost it, he pays for it.

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 07/09/2011 09:53

ladyintheradiator I am going to take it from his pocket money Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 07/09/2011 09:55

What about snack money, I normally give them snack money in the week for school. Do u reckon I should stop that too and make them take their own?

I want to get rid of this sense of entitlement they have got and strip it down to the bare basics

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2011 10:00

Don't take it from his pocket money. He doesn't care about his pocket money and he told you to do that. Just back off and let him sort himself out - why are you so worried about it? He is 14 you know, a big boy nowSmile