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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him walk to school

137 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 06/09/2011 08:51

I'm pissed off already and it's not even 9am. Angry

I said to my ds1 on Friday who is 14 years of age he is to find his Oyster card ready for back to school today. He hasnt found it and has said 'just stop my pocket money for 2 weeks and get another one' This is his bloody answer for everything and he must have had 8 last year if not more.

I know it's a hated phrase on here but I will use it anyway. These kids have a sense of entitlement that is astounding. I am trying to rectify this .

He rolls his eyes at me and has just screamed at me 'I've looked for it' He hasn't looked for it he's just lifted up a few items.

Sometimes I just wanna smack that attitude right from him.

I'm fucking furious that the 1st day back, nothing has changed and we are doing the ole lost Oyster routine.

He is just not bothered and knows full well I will replace it. He dont even care. So, AIBU to make him walk to and from school until it's found.

Its about 1 .5 miles and would take him around 20-25 minutes

OP posts:
DartsRus · 06/09/2011 09:33

Another vote for making him walk. My dd started at secondary last week, and it's about 1.5 miles to walk. As she's been going to a primary just 2 mins away up to now it's been a bit of a shock for her, but she's with friends and she'll get used to it (and get fitter....

marriedinwhite · 06/09/2011 09:38

If he didn't have an Oyster for a free bus ride, wouldn't he be walking anyway? Sympathies OP we had similar last week - after a fortnight of me saying please make sure everything is ready for school and tell me if you need any new stuff - first day back "mum, where's my tie, mum where are my trousers". Ended in a blazing row. Teenagers!

TheProvincialLady · 06/09/2011 09:40

All this talk of feeling bad because it might rain later and not making him walk 1.5 miles between November and MarchShock

If he was my son I just wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't tell him to walk, I wouldn't moan at him to find the Oyster card, I wouldn't tell him he has to save his pocket money for a replacement. I would just let him work out what he needs to do and if he offers any attitude in return, I would dock his pocket money. It sounds like he doesn't have a lot of respect for it anyway if he is so willing to let it go - do you constantly buy him stuff anyway?

OpinionatedMum · 06/09/2011 09:42

Buses are very expensive here. My DD 5 walks 25 mins to school. Not unreasonable at all.

Takitezee · 06/09/2011 10:15

Bloody hell my kids have have walked 20 minutes each way to school since they started - no legs have fallen off and nobody melted in the rain.

If he wants another Oyster card then he can save his pocket money for two weeks and buy one at the end of him. Don't lend him it in advance.

yellowraincoat · 06/09/2011 10:20

I walked that and back every day from age 9. I still love walking now, good habit to get inti, keeps you fit.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 06/09/2011 10:30

olderyetwider me too. A nice cagoule and a rain hat Grin

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 06/09/2011 10:32

I've just recieved a phonecall '
Muuuuuum, can u pick me up after school'

He was a bit taken aback when I said no. he was like 'oh errr, why', expecting me to say yes.

Perhaps when he gets home he will look for his Oyster card Grin

Thanks Ladies for the confidence boost

OP posts:
shewhowines · 06/09/2011 10:34

Natural consequences are great.

mousymouse · 06/09/2011 10:36

that was early Wink

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 06/09/2011 10:36

Yes ProvincialLady

That's what i'm going to start rectifying. I just replace stuff all the time . I think these children will get a short sharp shock.

Take yesterday for instance. My ds2 (he is nearly 11) has his haircut at the barbers yesterday. I gave him a £10.00 note and the haircut was £8.00,he'd previously asked if he could spend the change. I said no.

He spent it anyway, no remorse, no guilt, no apology, just an 'oh well' and a shrug of the shoulders

OP posts:
Snorbs · 06/09/2011 10:37

Another vote for:
a) Let him walk (my 12yo DS walks 1.5 miles to school every day)
b) Let him deal with the paperwork etc of organising the replacement card
c) Don't advance him the money. Let him save it up

Yes you'll get an attitude off him but to back down just because he pulls a strop is going to teach all kinds of wrong lessons. Stay firm.

DoMeDon · 06/09/2011 10:37

And what did you do? What were the consequences for him stealing your £2?

eurochick · 06/09/2011 10:39

I'm glad you put your foot down!

I was walking about 1.5m each way to school as soon as I started senior school (age 11). There was a bus but there was no question that my parents would consider shelling out for it! I would sometimes get a lift home on my dad's day off once a week as a special treat.

I think free travel for kids is a bad idea. I have seen lots getting on the bus to travel one or two stops. No wonder there is a childhood obesity problem if they never walk anywhere!

Snorbs · 06/09/2011 10:39

Oops, cross-posted. Well done on saying "No" to the lift!

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 06/09/2011 10:43

Nothing dpnmedon I was at work. I asked him about the £2.00 when I phoned up yesterday evening and he told me then.

I had a moan at him but tbh he isnt remorseful , I didnt know what to do, he is grounded anyway for his attitude

OP posts:
SiamoFottuti · 06/09/2011 10:47

My 4 year old walks that far to school and back twice a day. He should be walking every day, no need for any cards to lose then.

LoveBeingIgnoredByMardyBra · 06/09/2011 10:49

Good for you, make sure he doesn't get you to change your mind about the lift home.

Re the other take the money off his pocket money.

nocake · 06/09/2011 10:49

I'd reduce his pocket money as punishment for his attitude and make him save for a new oyster card.... but then I'm hard and cruel Grin

Make the lazy @rse walk. It's not going to do him any harm.

TheCrackFox · 06/09/2011 10:54

Well done for refusing to give him a lift - the walk home will do him good.

Charge him double for his Oyster card, after all why should you do his admin for free? Cheeky sod.

RandomMess · 06/09/2011 10:55

I think you need to stop being a doormat tbh

singinggirl · 06/09/2011 10:57

Well done for making him walk - both my DS's walk 20-25 minutes to school and back - they are 8 and 10. With the oyster card - I would say that if he wants it replaced, it should be by him from his own money. He might start looking then!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 06/09/2011 11:01

If my Ds goes round a friends and I give him money to spend on lunch if they go out I ask for receipts . This way he cant spend it on rubbish and I get the change . I dont think he has sussed he could give me a different receipt and spend the money on crap .

memphis83 · 06/09/2011 11:05

Im betting once he has walked home in the rain and is told that it is forcast rain all week he will search his room til he finds his card!
I agree with poster above about taking the £2 from the pocket money too.
My nephew has to walk 50 mins to school, he is the same age, he doesnt moan no matter what the weather, he cant ever be picked up as my sister only has a bike.

TheProvincialLady · 06/09/2011 11:18

The £2 thing isn't much money, but it is stealing. You told him specifically NOT to spend it. It wasn't his money. I'm not trying to carp at you but it sounds like you need to be a lot tougher on the small things, as they don't seem to have a lot of respect for money or for you. You musn't let it go. I would be inclined to stop buying anything except essentials for them, make pocket money dependent on chores, behaviour and attitude, and not trust them with a single penny. It can only get worse from here if you don't do something fast.