To have been MORTIFIED for DSD this morning and to be quite angry with DP over it??

[SisterOfRome]

So first day back at school. DSD (13) gets ready and leaves the house wearing just the school polo shirt (as do all the kids at this school). The bus stop is literally across the road from the house so she walks over and stands with her friends. Also standing there is a big group of lads from the school and a few non-school passengers waiting for the bus.

It's a little chilly but not freezing - then it starts to spit with rain. In true "cool teen fasion" none of the kids at the bus stop put on their jumpers or rain coats.

Well, DP goes over to the window, mentions that she has no coat on, opens the front door and SHOUTS:

"DSD!! DSD!!"

EVERYONE looks towards the house. DSD's face goes white.

"DSD!! PUT ON YOUR COAT!"

She shakes her head and I could have just died for her.

"DSD PUT ON YOUR COAT NOW!"

The group of lads fall about laughing. DSD looks like she's about the burst into tears. Her friends are looking gobsmacked. Again she shakes her head.

"DSD YOU BETTER PUT THAT COAT ON RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME AND DO IT FOR YOU! I DON'T CARE IF I'M EMBARRASSING YOU, GET YOUR COAT ON NOW".

I'm cringing. DSD's friends are cringing, the lads are in hysterics. DSD looks like her entire world is over. She reaches into her bag and puts on her coat. Her friends exchange glances and are trying very hard (and failing) not to laugh. DSD has tears in her eyes. Once her coat is on, DP slams the door.

I can't believe he did it. I know its HIS dd and none of my business but I actually thought that bordered on abuse.

AIBU??

Because diddl, no more child has the capacity to tell whether or not they are cold or wet. Obviously. Only their parents can do that on their behalf.

Something like this could be bullying fodder for some evil bastard kids for months even years.Your DP was being an absolute dick and you really should give him a taste of his own medicine.

I´m pretty sure that at 13 I always wore a coat if necessary-and if I didn´t, well-more fool me!

Can´t ever remember my parents making such a ridiculous fuss tbh.

It doesn´t strike me as caring for his daughter-just getting her to do what he wants for the sake of it.

YANBU, what a shitty start to the day for her,kids don't do wearing coats,mine won't unless it's snowing and even then it's not guaranteed. It's their choice in my humble opinion,jeez,it won't bloody kill em
Your DSD is 13 not 3 and your DP wants to get a grip of himself,teens have a hard enough time getting the piss taken out of them as it is without some loon of a middle aged man making a show of her!

Abuse is a far too strong word. He embarassed his daughter for sure, but YABU just for equating it to abuse.

YANBU to have been upest by his behaviour.

He is setting a shit example by shouting in public across a road. He handled it all really badly. It was more than 'embarrassing dad' IMO - and mine was supremely embarrassing (he used to follow school bus on his push bike to make sure I got there OK!!)- it was more nasty, don't care how you feel dad.

TBH I am surprised you didn't step in and say soemthing. I think all adults have a duty of care to the more vunerable - children, animals, elderly.

I have and do step in when DH crosses the line with DSC - I may not be their mother but am never going to stand by and watch them be treated unfairly.

There was a rule in our family. That up until a child was 14 they had to wear a coat if it was raining or cold. Once they were 14 they could do what they wanted and if they got drenched that was their problem. I'm not sure how this rule came about but it seemed to work. Between 14 and 18 they didn't wear coats very much. But once they were 18 they seemed to see sense again.

seems like a pointless rule

Teenagers are young adults, if they aren't allowed to make simple choices such as this then how the fuck are they going to mature

I think the 14 thing is a bit silly, sorry. Why on earth should anyone wear a coat if they don't want to?

Well I think mine have been deciding since they started school at 6 tbh.

Is it a British thing or is it to do with having to wear a particular coat as part of uniform (if that´s the case).

Here in Germany we don´t have uniforms & I don´t see teenagers without coats on cool/rainy days as part of a fashion statement tbh.

My kids (13 & 15) automatically put a coat on when they leave to go to school-unless it´s very hot.

YANBU. I told mine they were likely to die of hypothermia but it was their choice. They chose never to wear a coat-it was up to them.

Well I'm 51 and I don't put a coat on unless it's either very cold or heavy rain. I really can't see why someone needs a coat because it's 'spitting with rain'. I agree, it wasn't abuse but it was total over reaction and embarrassing.

Cringe for your DSD, bless her.

I wouldn't label that as abuse by any stretch, just dad being embarrassing. She's a good kid though doing as he said, I'd have told my dad to 'Fuck off' if he had done that to me at 13

I'm with Dad on this! Parents are embarrassing, it's a fact of life, she'll get over it. From the moment the dad decided to tell her to put her coat on I think he was right to insist, just from a 'parental authority' point of view. Kids need to know where their limits are, and the dad clearly hasn't gone too wrong in her upbringing seeing as she eventually put her coat on rather than tell him to sod off (which is exactly what I would have done when I was an unruly teen who had no boundaries).

so he embarrassed her in front of her friends - big deal. Tbh if your dsd is crying over being told to put her coat on then she clearly isn't very mature.

Parents are embarrassing, sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly. But I do actually think that we as parents shouldn't be afraid to tell our children sometimes, and shouldn't be afraid of what to say in case we embarrass them in front of their friends. When my sister was sixteen she went past her curfew (which was 11:00). She'd rung up to say that she wasn't going to be home in time and had been told in no uncertain terms that she would be home at 11 or else. She wasn't, so my dad went out looking for her, and bloody right he embarrassed her in front of her friends. She didn't do it again.

It was just a coat. If she'd just put it on as she was told and rolled her eyes then the whole scene wouldn't have occurred.

At 13, she's old enough to decide whether or not to wear a coat. Dads are embarrassing but he was being over the top on the first day of term. If I was his daughter, I'd be plotting a bit of payback.

bordered on abuse??

FFS, thats insults people that have been abused!

Honestly that is nothing - my father was a really high profile teacher AT MY SCHOOL from ages 11-18. I had to sit through assemblies given by him. I had to die inside when he shouted loudly at the cool boys in the dinner hall. Honestly this is nothing and its character building

Haha, my dad was a vicar but thankfully I was expelled from the CofE school he did assemblies at and sent to a Catholic school, couldn't catch me out there pops, mudafugger

Poor thing. He's just gonna encourage her to tell him what he wants to hear and do whatever she wants when she gets round the corner.

"She wasn't, so my dad went out looking for her, and bloody right he embarrassed her in front of her friends. She didn't do it again.

It was just a coat. "

But expecting someone home at 11pm is quite different (imo) to not letting them decide about putting a coat on at age 13.

Quite! A coat isn't a big deal which is why he was an idiot to make such a big deal out of it. But clearly he backed himself into a corner and couldn't back down. So his DD had to - in front of her peers.

can't believe how OTT both the op and here DSD are being over this!

He told her to put her coat on and had to tell her more than once - big deal! Dad's are supposed to embarrass their kids just like mum's are supposed to nag them!

Can't wait to see the threads when the DSD starts to have boyfriends