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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been MORTIFIED for DSD this morning and to be quite angry with DP over it??

142 replies

SisterOfRome · 05/09/2011 10:59

So first day back at school. DSD (13) gets ready and leaves the house wearing just the school polo shirt (as do all the kids at this school). The bus stop is literally across the road from the house so she walks over and stands with her friends. Also standing there is a big group of lads from the school and a few non-school passengers waiting for the bus.

It's a little chilly but not freezing - then it starts to spit with rain. In true "cool teen fasion" none of the kids at the bus stop put on their jumpers or rain coats.

Well, DP goes over to the window, mentions that she has no coat on, opens the front door and SHOUTS:

"DSD!! DSD!!"

EVERYONE looks towards the house. DSD's face goes white.

"DSD!! PUT ON YOUR COAT!"

She shakes her head and I could have just died for her.

"DSD PUT ON YOUR COAT NOW!"

The group of lads fall about laughing. DSD looks like she's about the burst into tears. Her friends are looking gobsmacked. Again she shakes her head.

"DSD YOU BETTER PUT THAT COAT ON RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME AND DO IT FOR YOU! I DON'T CARE IF I'M EMBARRASSING YOU, GET YOUR COAT ON NOW".

I'm cringing. DSD's friends are cringing, the lads are in hysterics. DSD looks like her entire world is over. She reaches into her bag and puts on her coat. Her friends exchange glances and are trying very hard (and failing) not to laugh. DSD has tears in her eyes. Once her coat is on, DP slams the door.

I can't believe he did it. I know its HIS dd and none of my business but I actually thought that bordered on abuse.

AIBU??

OP posts:
eurochick · 05/09/2011 11:48

Insomnia being cold does not cause colds. Colds are caused by a virus.

Mitmoo · 05/09/2011 11:52

He was a pratt, not an abusive pratt but an embarrassing one neverthelesss.

seeker · 05/09/2011 11:53

Nobody believes that getting cold gives you a cold, do they? What about sitting on radiators giving you piles? Or babies being found under gooseberry bushes?

stayforthekids1 · 05/09/2011 11:56

abuse?! For not wanting his daughter to get wet in the rain? pfft.

YANBU though about the shouting in front of her friends. Dads are so embarrassing. Its their job. Next time clonk him over the head with the nearest solid object. Now thats abuse. Grin

DawnTiggaWeirdyBeardy · 05/09/2011 12:16

It's only abuse if your dp does this kind of thing all the time, as a one off it's just stupidity on your dp's part.

my parents did this type of thing all the time to me out of a deep seated need on their part to make me look small and keep my self esteem at zero. There is a huge gulf between the one off and the repeated daily humiliation.

HopesThisIsAOneOffTiggaxx

ragged · 05/09/2011 12:22

Being cold (chilled, esp) & very damp weakens the immune, system, contributes to the risk of getting ill. Those conditions (like any other stress) also exacerbate symptoms of cold/flu virus. It's a myth to say that there's never a relationship between getting cold and getting a cold.

Maryz · 05/09/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Insomnia11 · 05/09/2011 12:27

Insomnia being cold does not cause colds. Colds are caused by a virus.

That's what I thought until a few years ago when I read that actually lowering the body's temperature slightly can make you more vulnerable to catching colds.

www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/onlinestuff/snot/why_do_you_feel_hot_when_you_have_a_cold.aspx

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 05/09/2011 12:29

Huge overreaction from you and dsd tbh.

Most of the kids I know would have told him to bugger orf, if she's spouting tears over having put ya coat in shouted at her I suggest she grows a pair before joining the adult world !

pictish · 05/09/2011 12:31

No it's not abuse - don't be ridiculous!

So he told her to put her coat on....and embarrassed her.....why did she not just chuck the coat on, shout 'happy now?' and roll her eyes at her embarrassing dad? Why was she crying fgs?

Mountain out of a bloody molehill.

pictish · 05/09/2011 12:33

Maryz I can't wait to embarrass my kids in pulic as teens!! Grin
Payback time.

"he has just succeeded in completely knocking the stuffing out of her."

Tosh. he told her to put her coat on. Perspective please!

nickschick · 05/09/2011 12:37

I dont think hope sincerely thats not what you really call abuse Blush.

Ds1 is 18 and has just finished his A levels recently he had his friends around and I decided to nip to tesco so they came with me......I heard Blush heard,ds1 say to friends 'look my mums a bit funny about the rd so just dont cross 'til she says'.......all 5 6 ft boys stood there waiting for me to say ' we can cross'.

Tbf I have been paranoid since a boy in ds1s school was killed in a road accident Sad.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/09/2011 12:39

I don't have any teenagers, but I've been one, and I just cannot see why this is a big deal at all.

Dad shouts. DD refuses. Dad shouts again. DD refuses again. Eventually he shouts and she complies. That's it. He didn't actually storm over there and physically force her into the coat, or ground her, or tell her that she's never wearing a coat again. She could get on the bus, roll her eyes and take the coat straight back off, thus restoring her cool in the eyes of the other kids (stupid Dad, thinks I'll keep it on?).

This is your biggest problem in raising a teenager? Hope it keeps fine for you, frankly.

Fo0ffyShmoofer · 05/09/2011 12:43

Aahh snarky comments abound. Any excuse.

It's not abuse far from it. It IS however, unnecessary embarassment.
Had he wanted her to wear her coat he should have had that conversation with her before she left the house.
She wouldn't have died from the lack of a coat even though no-one likes to think of their child sitting in school soaking.
Perhaps he needs to look at being at bit more sensitive to the feelings of a teenage girl.

Saying all that, if that was me my DS would not have set foot out without his coat.

ZombiePlan · 05/09/2011 13:27

It's a bit worrying that he actually said he would "come over and make her" put the coat on, and that he didnt care whether he was embarrassing her. Kind of looks like he wanted to "win". Does he always make such a bloody fuss about minor issues that, at the end of the day, aren't really anything to do with him (she's 13 fgs - more than old enough to decide whether or not to put on her sodding coat)?

Morloth · 05/09/2011 13:42

Dad of teenage girl is embarrassing?!

All dads are embarrassing, its their job. They get special classes. Get taught things like 'pull my finger' and 'Put your coat on I'm cold'.

If this is what we are now calling abuse and bullying we are fucked.

Embarrassing Dad is embarrassing, not exactly a news flash.

Againagainagain · 05/09/2011 13:47

Don't know why he bothered, she will have taken it off the minute he's out of sight

scrambedeggs · 05/09/2011 13:48

In some countries 13 year olds run the family home.

yep in this country too, where parents are too frightened to say NO

see it on here daily :)

KurriKurri · 05/09/2011 13:55

My DD was permanently embarrassed by her dad, - it didn't really matter what he did, when you're 13, dad's are embarrassing (as are mums). If he'd shouted at her to put her coat on, she'd have done it, with accompanying eye rolling and saying 'Oh my God he's sooooooooo embarrassing' to her friends' and they'd all laugh. She wouldn't have cried.

I think your DSD does have an embarrassing dad, and he was trying to embarrass her, which is a bit off, but if she learns to shrug it off, she'll find she doesn't get so upset.

mumeeee · 05/09/2011 13:56

YANBU to think it was embarrassing. But you are over reacting to say it was bordering on abuse. Also to whoever said it was bullying it wasn't. It wad just a parent telling his DD to put her coat on. Yes he should have just left it but all parents make mistakes. Also if the girl had put her coat on when asked he would have shut the door and she could have just taken her coat off again when she got on the bus.

Ormirian · 05/09/2011 13:58

Not abuse but extremely stupid and clumsy. Given the choice between getting a bit wet and being humiliated, any teenager would choose getting a bit wet.

diddl · 05/09/2011 14:00

But why did he feel the need to tell a 13yr old to put her coat on?

Let her decide for herself?

cantspel · 05/09/2011 14:01

She is 13 and as such if her parent tells her to put her coat on she should.

How can anyone think it is abuse is beyond me. She is a child and as such her parents have the final say. If she then went out of sight and took it off again that is normal teanage rebelion.

seeker · 05/09/2011 14:03

That's what I keep asking, diddl. But apparently 13 year olds not wearing coats is a symptom of the broken society.

Insomnia11 · 05/09/2011 14:05

I don't think it's abuse but I think it's this sort of disrespectful behaviour in an adult, if perpetuated which can lead to disrespectful behaviour in a teen.

If you yell orders at your kids across the street don't be surprised when they mimic the behaviour.