I just dished out some tough love to DS, now I feel unreasonable...........

[Wormshuffler]

DS has just gone into year 6, and like most children has to be nagged to school on time. At the end of last term I said he would be responsible for himself when he got to year 6 and if he was late there would be a consequence.
We get to this morning, and I remind him that he is in charge of getting himself up, washed, dressed breakfasted and out the door in time to get there for the whistle blowing, the consequence of being late being an electricity ban tonight (ie no television/playstation etc)
So it gets to 8.40 and there he is sat merrily watching filious and ferb until that finishes and he checks the time. "what the?!" being exclaimed as the penny drops!
So we wander to school, him still feeling no urgency to rush and get to the school just in time to hear the whistle go, the gate was already locked meaning he is officially late. I explain he knew the deal, and now will have no electricity, so he goes into school crying on the first day :( now I feel awful..............So come on ladies what do you reckon unreasonable?

goldenbear I don't force it on her she loves doing things for herself, she'll be 6 in October and there's nothing wrong with learning how to do things around the house.

She already puts washing in the machine, takes it out and hangs it up, she is not forced to do this, she enjoys helping and she gets pocket money for her troubles.

How did it go this morning wormshuffler ?

I support you 100% and can't believe the negativity on here.
With his agreement you devised a plan, that is hardly cruel or difficult to implement, that will in the long run make life easier for you all. It was pointed out to him that watching TV could possibly make the plan fail. It did. Lesson learned. Move on.
Fantastic parenting IMHO. Set boundaries in place with consequences. Be consistent. Everyone knows where they stand. Why do so many people have a problem with this?

Wormshuffler, no it doesn't show a complete lack of respect- you have completely missed my point! You believe this harsh lesson will equip him with a premature independence that will afford him great advantage at school and in later life - it won't necessarily is my point. Believe it or not some employers would like you to perform well or exceptionally well. Your ability to arrive exactly as the second hand strikes 9 is to a large-scale extent irrelevant in certain working cultures.

Some employers purposefully allow for that flexibility so that they can expect it in return. Not all of us leave on time, would you therefore say that an employer is showing a complete lack of respect in expecting an employee to not clock watch?

I disagree you did 'orchestrate' it as you knew it was highly likely he'd fail and you'd dish out a consequence - how horrible of you. If the Police did this it would be called entrapment. Did you feel good about a completely avoidable upset on his first day?

Actually having read all of the posts you should OP ban the tv in the mornings. You put up boundaries as a parent or will you let him decide on things like curfews etc too?

Also you keep referring to your DD, sounds like she's the golden child in your house. They are different people so be careful of going down that road. Do you say this to your DS? Do you tell him of she can do it why can't he? Sounds like he needs more guidance so give it.

well done...good training in progress.....your daughter can do it and so can he.

Boys more easily distracted by TV and more willing to let others take control in my opinion so double well done for parenting him so he can grow into a responsible young man rather than the "man-babies" who can't cope in the real world

Bloody hell OP that is way too harsh for a first day when he's not been in any routine for weeks.

YABVU.

Oh crap I'm a day late on this thread.

As you were.

YANBU. I am inspired.

Be v nice to him this evening so he knows its not personal.

Well despite my apparent overly harsh treatment we actually left the house five minutes earlier than usual!
I am astounded that it is felt removing electricity for one night is deemed such a harsh punishment.

I think the idea of taking away electricity is a great way of putting it btw.

What happened last night though WS? Was he distraught about the lack of electrical stuff to do? Are you saving for the ineviatble counselling sessions he will need?

I think it's great you're getting your son to do this. He's quite capable.

I do think you're crazy letting him watch tv though. Very few children would be able to avoid getting sucked in and be late, it's just too tempting. I can't imagine what it does for a child's concentration at school too. There was a child at my school who every morning with her siblings had to run down their (very long drive) with their father behind them in the car keeping them at a certain speed. I'm not recommending you do that , nowhere near, but I know which child is going to be better prepared to start school work at 9am. (for the record we all felt very sorry for her at that age)

I don't want to go all 'in my day' but I was reading 'Swallows and Amazon's' with a friend's child I was visiting the other day and I know it's only a book and all that, but those children go off to an island alone, able to sail independently, fish, gut and scale fish, light fires, and cook their own supper and they survive. It is so easy to mollycoddle children. They are quite capable of all sorts.

Hoiks bra.

Pls come back & let us know how he's doing in 3-6 months time, OP.

worzelswife, you do know that Swallows and Amazons is a STORY? not real? Like Faraway tree, those children didn't really do those things.

I'm amazed that stopping tv and computer time for one evening is seen as harsh. Here the tv goes away for a week at a time sometimes. and no morning screen time either. and if they are late to school I suggest/enforce an earlier bedtime. that's for 11 and 10yos.

Well, the oldest children in Swallows and Amazons were 15ish. Why couldn't they have done those things? Actually, my 15 year old could. Apart from the fish thing. She'd go all unnecessary if presented with fish guts. But if she was given the gutted fish she could certainly make a fire and cook it. And if there was a suitable island, she could certainly sail to it and put up a tent and sleep in it. And so could all her Explorer Scout friends.

my 11 and 10yo can do some of those Swallows and Amazons activiites too, we are quite a S&A type family. lots of boats and cooking on open fires. But I'm not sure about the 7yo non-swimmer Roger going off camping on an island with his siblings. I don't think that was normal in the 1920s. or them all going sailing round the South China seas and getting caught by pirates. Perhaps a little unlikely?

Yes, Fennel thanks for pointing that out in CAPITALS in case I'm a bit stoopid. As I said in my post 'I know it's only a book'

I was just trying to make a point about how capable children are. There are children all over the world who act as carers, and children in generations gone by who did an awful lot of independent things. Some people on the thread seem to be saying how a child can't possibly get themselves organised and out the door in time for school. Fabbychic for one. I'm sure most people don't think that, but some do. And as another poster said there are grown adults out there who still have their mothers wake them up for work etc!

No need to get your knickers in a twist.

You do know that the sailing round the South China Seas and pirates thing was just a story they told over the winter when they couldn't sail? It didn't really happen - even in the story.

If you expect DCs to do it they will-if you think them incapable they will prove you right. He isn't going to bother being responsible if he knows his mother will do it all for him.

I cannot believe the amount of mums that are still chivvying about after their kids in the morning. I have a 12 year old with ASD, and even she has learned that she must be out for 8.20am in the morning for her taxi. She is usually early, so yup I do let her watch TV for about 20 mins.

So I don't think YABU, I would do exactly the same.

It makes them feel needed SusanneLinder. They will still be doing it when he is an adult and then DIL will get exasperated and people wonder why MILs get a bad name!

He's what 9/10? He shouldn't have to be completely free of nagging by you just yet. Yes he needs to learn some responsibility, but you will still probably need to nag him for a while yet.

We have a 'no TV' policy until everyone is ready to leave the house in a morning, if we're all ready and there's 10 minutes to spare, then I don't mind them turning it on. TV is a massive distraction.

He is year 6 not year 5.

Sorry 10/11yrs not 9/10yrs