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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just dished out some tough love to DS, now I feel unreasonable...........

158 replies

Wormshuffler · 05/09/2011 09:28

DS has just gone into year 6, and like most children has to be nagged to school on time. At the end of last term I said he would be responsible for himself when he got to year 6 and if he was late there would be a consequence.
We get to this morning, and I remind him that he is in charge of getting himself up, washed, dressed breakfasted and out the door in time to get there for the whistle blowing, the consequence of being late being an electricity ban tonight (ie no television/playstation etc)
So it gets to 8.40 and there he is sat merrily watching filious and ferb until that finishes and he checks the time. "what the?!" being exclaimed as the penny drops!
So we wander to school, him still feeling no urgency to rush and get to the school just in time to hear the whistle go, the gate was already locked meaning he is officially late. I explain he knew the deal, and now will have no electricity, so he goes into school crying on the first day :( now I feel awful..............So come on ladies what do you reckon unreasonable?

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 05/09/2011 10:23

I am often sometimes late for work because I'm watching Frasier or something. YABU. It's your job to make sure he's up and ready on time. Don't have the TV on for goodness sake!

ilikethesun · 05/09/2011 10:24

I think you did good.

My son was naughty last friday and i banned eletricity until Monday morning.

We had a great weekend we painted and read and he learned to sew a button on and is now making a patchwork quilt [of sorts].

It was hard to follow through the whole weekend but we did it and he knows what will happen if he does it again.

He is now sat on the playstation .

Original poster
Wormshuffler · 05/09/2011 10:25

Well eric.........I feel it is my job to teach them time management skills and independence. Maybe you weren't taught this lesson and that is why you are sometimes late for work!!

OP posts:
Cleverything · 05/09/2011 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilikethesun · 05/09/2011 10:30

What works for my son when we need to be ready for something is , he looks at the guide and then says I can watch up to the end of say dick and dom then i have to get ready and go.

My son is 10 next month.

AuntiePickleBottom · 05/09/2011 10:35

the tv isn't allowed on in my house, until ds is ready for school....if he has time to watch it he may have 15 minutes.

i wasn't taught 'time management' when it came to go get to work, i am only late is the bus don't turn up

niceguy2 · 05/09/2011 10:36

I am often sometimes late for work because I'm watching Frasier or something. YABU. It's your job to make sure he's up and ready on time. Don't have the TV on for goodness sake!

Is this a windup post???

I don't even know where to begin except that if anything it should make OP even more determined not to let her son end up with an attitude like above.

verytellytubby · 05/09/2011 10:37

Harsh on day one. I've banned TV in the mornings.

AuntiePickleBottom · 05/09/2011 10:43

i know some are saying you was harsh, but in my son's school they reward the children attendance and that starts on day 1.

in the whole term if they attend everyday without being late they can pick something from the treasure chest, so if ds is late on day 1 he has lost the right to pick something from the treasure chest.

he will not get it this term any how as he has a hospital appoinment.

ilikethesun · 05/09/2011 10:44

To all those who say it is harsh on day one when do you suggest it began.

Do you suggest she said dont worry about being late the first couple of days lets start it on Wednesday shall we?

LeQueen · 05/09/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 10:58

I would say it worked. He won't do it again. YANBU.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 05/09/2011 10:59

YANBU

When you said this 'I have a friend who still gets her 30 year old son up for work and makes his pack-up! that is not going to be us!' I thought of my mother and brother. Are you friends with my mum??

My brother bought the house next door to mum and dad and they have to get him up (he is 30 this month) and mum does his pack up for him before work!!

I don't see the relevance of it being his first day TBH, he needs to learn good timekeeping it makes not one jot of difference whether it is his first day or not. Adults who have relaxing holidays still have to remember timekeeping when going back to work. My DH has had the holidays off (works at local college) and he remembers time keeping as his mother did not mollycoddle him. Unlike my brother who will not make it once mum and dad are no longer here to look after him as no chance in hell I am doing it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/09/2011 10:59

It's not a wind up! My point was that TV is very distracting. 10 year olds aren't very good at regulating their TV watching. I think it's the parent's job to put boundaries in around TV watching and before school is not the time.

AnyFucker · 05/09/2011 11:01

who has said it is ok to be late ??

zukiecat · 05/09/2011 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 11:06

You told him in advance, he agreed, you followed through. Seems fair enough to me.

ragged · 05/09/2011 11:08

If I was that desperate to get my child so independent, I would sit down with them and write out a schedule of what to do with timings next to it. DD has had something like it in the past (probably one reason why she's a good self organiser now). Post the list on wall of child's room in easy to see place, and refer child to it repeatedly in mornings until they have the ingrained habit of referring to it for themselves.

I do know adults who still need lists like this to function; certainly they need deeply ingrained habits/routine to get everything done in time in mornings.

Eg: 7:25 awake, 7:30 choose clothes, 7:40 Get dressed, 7:50 hair, 7:55 Breakfast etc.

MmeLindor. · 05/09/2011 11:13

I think that the consequence of his actions was that he was late for school - and presumably was told off by teacher.

I would not punish him this evening as he has already had a "punishment" from school.

For a first day back at school, it was a bit harsh but it is done now.

MadameCastafiore · 05/09/2011 11:13

I wouldn't allow him the TV on - once he dressed and washed and breakfasted he can watch as much TV as he likes but not before.

I am tring to make DD realise that she has to be a bit more oragnaised and act with a sense of urgency when she has to be somewhere but still find Ihave to nag her to hurry up - just part and parcel of being a mother I think.

prettybird · 05/09/2011 11:20

YANBU. You had explained to him what he needed to do. At 10, he is capable of following them through. he knew enough to ask you before switching the TV on.

And children's TV (at least CBBC) has a clock on it, so there is no excuse. I know this, because ds commented this morning in irritation that they had b]ut the clock back on, but they hadn't done so 3 weeks ago when the Scottish schools went back another example in his mind that it is the EBC, ie English, rather than BBC*

Hedoes watch some TV in the morning, but he is always ready and very aware of the clock and takes great pride in the fact that he has never been late. He voluntarily leaves the house at 8.30 to cycle to school (5-10 minutes away) for a 9am start - but partly because he wants time to play with his friends before school.

You were maybe a bit harsh to do so on the first day - a wee reminder might have not gone amiss - but having made the threat, you must follow through on the consequences.

LeQueen · 05/09/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeamDamon · 05/09/2011 11:35

No-one is saying that it is OK for him to be late on the first couple of days.

What I am saying when I say that it seems harsh on the first day of term, is that I would put a routine in place that gradually withdrew my support rather than expecting him to do it all by himself all at once.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 05/09/2011 11:56

I think the idea of teaching him these skills is the right thing to do but do agree that it is a gradual process of removing your assistance from him.
You said his sister had been managing to do it for 3 years but she is not him.
My 2 oldest are 8 in 3 weeks and 5. My 5 year old ds is great at getting organised in the mornings I give them breakfast and their uniforms are laid out and he is ready to go with shoes and bag and all his bits and pieces but dd whi has for the past 5 years had to get up and dressed in the mornings for nursery then school drives me up the wall I have to remind her every step of the way and the morning routine has not changed in all this time.
She is just far less naturally organised than her brother and in all aspects of her life far more scatty so she does benefit from a visual reminder of things to do when and does for now need a bit more support with learning these skills than her younger brother.

I also agree that the electricity ban would have been better saved for the morning ie. if you can't get your jobs done on time then there will be no telly before school.

Another option is a timer or if he has a mobile get him to set alarms for time limits for the things he has to do and one that goes off 5 minuted before he has to leave so that he knows the countdown is on and he needs to get his bum in gar and go.

LittleMissFlustered · 05/09/2011 13:05

If I had made the threat, I would follow through on it. Regardless of what day it is. It sounds like something I would have done (and I have done similar things) and he had enough warning that the consequences were there.

In year six most kids are capable of understanding cause and effect, so it's his own fault he's being punished.

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