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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just dished out some tough love to DS, now I feel unreasonable...........

158 replies

Wormshuffler · 05/09/2011 09:28

DS has just gone into year 6, and like most children has to be nagged to school on time. At the end of last term I said he would be responsible for himself when he got to year 6 and if he was late there would be a consequence.
We get to this morning, and I remind him that he is in charge of getting himself up, washed, dressed breakfasted and out the door in time to get there for the whistle blowing, the consequence of being late being an electricity ban tonight (ie no television/playstation etc)
So it gets to 8.40 and there he is sat merrily watching filious and ferb until that finishes and he checks the time. "what the?!" being exclaimed as the penny drops!
So we wander to school, him still feeling no urgency to rush and get to the school just in time to hear the whistle go, the gate was already locked meaning he is officially late. I explain he knew the deal, and now will have no electricity, so he goes into school crying on the first day :( now I feel awful..............So come on ladies what do you reckon unreasonable?

OP posts:
seeker · 05/09/2011 13:16

But it's ok to rethink. It's just as useful a lesson for children to learn that adults can make mistakes and do something to put it right.

Flisspaps · 05/09/2011 13:22

YANBU. It's not like you sprung it on him this morning with no warning.

Definitely enforce a no TV in the morning rule though.

niceguy2 · 05/09/2011 13:35

I disagree, enforcing a ban in the mornings still means OP is taking responsibility for his time management.

In year 6 he's perfectly able to look at the clock and sort himself out. Yes he will have to learn the hard way but rather now and getting punished by losing TV/Internet/gaming rights later than in 20 years by getting the sack.

EricNorthman, the reason I think your post was so wrong is that using your logic, it's not OP's son fault he's late but hers by not turning the TV off. That's just abdicating his personal responsibility. When does it become HIS responsibility and not hers? Like I say at his age, he can sort himself out.

My 10 year old who is starting Y6 is perfectly able to get up, get himself dressed and breakfast. Even last term he was going at the right time himself.

If you never let them take responsibility for their own actions and let them fail they'll end up like the guy mentioned above who at the age of 30 is still being mothered.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/09/2011 13:35

I think the fact that the OP had gone through the routine with him, and he was doing brilliantly before asking to put the TV on, is key. As is the fact that she agreed but again reminded him what time the TV needed to go off for him to get to school.

Some of you are reacting like she said 'oh by the way you're responsible for getting yourself to school from now on' and then wandered away. She didn't. She helped him work out the time management needed, she warned him that the TV would have to be off by a certain time, and in fact he still would have been on time if he'd rushed to school, it was further dawdling that caused the lateness.

So, OP, YANBU.

That said, TV is horrible. Turn it off in the mornings.

seeker · 05/09/2011 13:41

Children shouldn't watch tv before school anyway- so bad for their concentration and alertness.

Hullygully · 05/09/2011 13:49

My dc have already done a full ten hours up the chimney before they go to school.

LeQueen · 05/09/2011 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully · 05/09/2011 13:51

But that aside, all kids learn in different ways, no? Like adults. So if that's the best way for your particular dc to learn, so be it. It wouldn't work for mine, but so what.

Do agree no screen in the morning.

Hullygully · 05/09/2011 13:53

The way it's viewed depends on the culture, though. In many cultures it is viewed as caring and helpful, it is mainly in ours that it is seen as "fussing" and "worrying."

DoMeDon · 05/09/2011 13:59

YANBU to carry through your punishment. YWB a bit U not to help him along a bit on first day and not to take responsibility over the TV.

He will have learned his lesson though and hopefully you will have learned to be a leeetle bit more flexible.

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 14:03

I suspect that far too many Mums deliberately encourage this sort of dependence because they like to feel needed and necessary.

Hits the nail on the head!

rocketty · 05/09/2011 14:13

yanbu. If you made the threat, carry it through.

I can well believe there are adult men out there who need to be woken up in the morning. I think that this is not a harsh lesson for a Y6 child and not unreasonable at all.

I agree with other posters who say no tv before school. It's not allowed in our house because the kids never want to stop in the middle of an episode of anything, and I don't want to deal with whining children trying to negotiate two minutes more time every morning: when we have to leave, we have to leave, end of.

gillybean2 · 05/09/2011 14:14

good grief no. I encourage ds to hurry the heck up because I have to drop him at school and then get to work myself. If he is late then so am I.

He is also a very heavy sleeper and needs 10 hours a night still. If he doesn't get enough sleep he is miserable when the alarm goes off and will easily fall asleep if I don't check he is actually awake. He will sleep 10 hours regardless if what time he goes to bed. It really doesn't help that his peers tell him they go to bed at midnight (and beyond) which makes him determined to stay up later than I suggest.

I also check that he has everything he needs for the day because he hates school plenty without having to have un-necessary detentions etc on top and having to listen to him being upset all the way too school (half an hour) if he realises hasn't got xyz which stresses me out tbh!
So when we get in the car I do still get him to run through his timetable to make sure he everything he needs (I do the saame for me) and then we go...

Acandlelitshadow · 05/09/2011 14:14

He had plenty of warning, got reminded on the day and still chose to faff.

YANBU.

LauraShigihara · 05/09/2011 14:23

YANBU

It's good to start as you mean to go on. The first day back isn't some magic 'no punishment' day, it's just a day when your child is back to school. At ten, most children can get ready without help or chivvying along. My oldest sorted themselves out because I worked and I couldn't get them and myself ready at the same time. If they weren't ready by eight, I'd take them to school as they were....

A screen ban is very good for children Wink. I sometimes dish out a whole week of it just to get some peace from the tv and computer games.

Backing you all the way

Original poster
Wormshuffler · 05/09/2011 14:53

Ah nice to see some back up, I'm off to collect him shortly and just hope he will speak to me!
He does have plenty of time (to the person further up the thread) he has been getting up by his alarm clock at 7am for the last 2 years without a problem. So that part of the plan isn't new.
I will update you all tomorrow as to whether it worked!
I don't think he will get told of by the teacher today, as he was there before they did the register. Just not in time for lining up in the playground, so officially late in my eyes, but probably not the schools regarding a late mark in the register.

OP posts:
redexpat · 05/09/2011 15:08

Harsh but fair. Would love to know how often (if at all) you have to repeat this.

LeQueen · 05/09/2011 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 05/09/2011 18:38

Don't know if it's already been mentioned but as you were taking him to school, it's natural for him to let you be 'in charge'.

Expecting him to take the lead and especially letting him dawdle when you were with him was mean and unreasonable.

If he was old enough to do it independently why wasn't he? You going along gave mixed messages.

Poor little boy Sad

Finallygotaroundtoit · 05/09/2011 18:40

My point is that if was walking to school alone, he would be 'in charge' of himself and I bet he wouldn't have been late.

Original poster
Wormshuffler · 05/09/2011 19:34

Oh do behave!! He knew the rules so much so that he had even questioned on an earlier conversation what would happen if he was ready and I wasn't, to which I replied you can walk on your own. (We live in a village with no major roads to cross)
He is fine by the way, not a poor little boy at all. He has taken his punishment very well and is currently upstairs reading his comics.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 05/09/2011 19:37

I also agree with those who have said, Why on earth do you have crap TV on in the mornings?

We have BBC News on in the morning in the kitchen as low background noise, for the accurate time, the weather reports, and the news, but it doesn't exactly rivet the kids to the screen.

LineRunner · 05/09/2011 19:39

God that sounded pompous. Sorry. But you get my drift.

wellwisher · 05/09/2011 22:31

Agree with everyone who said don't allow TV in the mornings - end of. TV is for relaxing. It's not appropriate before school/work!

FabbyChic · 05/09/2011 22:43

And you all wonder why your kids grow up too fast, want to do things that are beyond their years like shagging and getting pissed.

it is because they are made to grow up too fast.

Plenty of time for children to get up and do things for themselves when they are 15, ten fucking years old jesus.

Trying to get him off your hands so you have time for your baby when it is born.

That sucks.

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