I just dished out some tough love to DS, now I feel unreasonable...........

[Wormshuffler]

DS has just gone into year 6, and like most children has to be nagged to school on time. At the end of last term I said he would be responsible for himself when he got to year 6 and if he was late there would be a consequence.
We get to this morning, and I remind him that he is in charge of getting himself up, washed, dressed breakfasted and out the door in time to get there for the whistle blowing, the consequence of being late being an electricity ban tonight (ie no television/playstation etc)
So it gets to 8.40 and there he is sat merrily watching filious and ferb until that finishes and he checks the time. "what the?!" being exclaimed as the penny drops!
So we wander to school, him still feeling no urgency to rush and get to the school just in time to hear the whistle go, the gate was already locked meaning he is officially late. I explain he knew the deal, and now will have no electricity, so he goes into school crying on the first day :( now I feel awful..............So come on ladies what do you reckon unreasonable?

OP
I don't think you were unreasonable today. You followed through and your DS has learnt a lesson the hard way.
It is right for you to foster and encourage independence and use appropriate punishments if he does not measure up to what you think he is capable of.

But, it is your responsibility to ensure the environment is right for him to achieve this independence. I don't think it would be reasonable of you to ask your DS to iron his own trousers and shirt before school. Equally, it is not reasonable to expect him to be able to get ready whilst the major distraction that is TV is on.

Take control of TV in the mornings.
Stick to your high standards with your DS.

Am I getting this right?
Year 6, first day of term after 6 weeks off, and he's totally responsible for everything?

You didn't think of easing him in up till half-term? ie, making sure he's up, reminding him of the time, and turning off the blasted TV?

At half-term, he'd be in the swing and able to do it all for the rest of the year and then up to Secondary.

Yes I think you were too harsh.

Wormshuffler IMO you did exactly the right thing and (once again IMO) your reasoning for it is 100% sound.

Q - Why will he make DD late next year? Surely she'll just continue as she is - you wont make her wait for him will you??

Q2 - If it's a Village and he could walk by himself - why doesn't he?

Fabby...have you been on the cooking sherry again?..

And ChippingIn's Q2......Why doesn't he just walk by himself?

YANBU I'm sure he learned his lesson and it's a valuable lesson for him to learn

If you had taken charge this morning and said no tv then he wouldn't have been in control and therefor wouldn't have learnt anything.

If I were you I would have a conversation with him about why he was late and how he thinks he can prevent it next time, maybe you could suggest that if he hadn't watched tv in the morning he would have had a lot more time later to watch and play video games.

I think it's great that you are teaching him responsibility, he's 10 not 4!

ChristinedePizan totally agree mine has no time for tv in the morning as they are getting ready got school and I really
Ly don't think its helpful for the school mindset to have just watched some shit on disney dx

Mine get up own their and get sorted by the time I am woken dd is standing by the door waiting for his dinner money and and kiss good by

I just cannot believe 10 and 11 still need to be gotten ready by their mums dear lord

Dd1 was getting himself off to school by 8

Any spare time is spent going over spellings, reading or cleaning his stink pig

Oh fabby just likes to be controversial.... Don't mind her you just need a big pinch of salt

*Trying to get him off your hands so you have time for your baby when it is born.

That sucks*

Is there a barrel you can go any lower to scrape FabbyChic ?

Dd is 5 and just started year one.
She already knows how to get her clothes out the night before and she washes her face and brushes her teeth before I even get up, she has her own alarm that goes off every school day and she is just starting to get her own breakfast cereal too, I'm going to start teaching her how to use the toaster safely (obviously at 5 I am still going to supervise)
I am due dc2 any day now and while I am still going to be there for dd she needs to be independent about certain things so that if I'm feeding the baby I can instruct her on what to do and she will feel confidant in doing it.

Bloody hell Fabby, you really are a broken record about these things...

Fabby's alright really you know

Tis the bloody sherry talking..

DS has just gone into year 6, and like most children has to be nagged to school on time. At the end of last term I said he would be responsible for himself when he got to year 6 and if he was late there would be a consequence.

He's 10 years old and on his first day back at school. YABVVVU!

Why don't you give him responsibility for his own cooking and laundry too with a consequence if he cocks it up.

I am due dc2 any day now and while I am still going to be there for dd she needs to be independent about certain things so that if I'm feeding the baby I can instruct her on what to do and she will feel confidant in doing it.

MrsButler what you have done if DC2 was due when you had a 2 year old first child. Train them to look after themselves and potty train themsleves? It's big of you to "still be there" for a 5 year old child.

But she's not 2 so that's irrelevant A1980

YABU and I agree with Finally, very mean to essentially set him up to fail. What an odd thing for a mother to do. I just can't imagine orchestrating a scenario that would deliberatly upset my child. You are unreasonable and a bully to boot!

Being on time in life is important but it is not a passport to wealth, happiness and sucess. I worked for one of the major broadsheets and most rolled up at 10.30 - 11. I also had a job that allowed flextime and so was never late. I was late everyday in year 11 but still got 10 gcses A* - B. It is not true that punctuality will significantly enhance your life!

Well, she must be at it a lot then..

I think YABU for calling it Filious and Ferb. when it is actually PHINEAS and FERB...

MrsRhettButler, I have a 4.3 year old and a 5 month old, believe me it will still be entirely necessary for you to look after your 5 year old, if anything they will probably regress in behaviour in response to the new arrival and will be looking for you to reassure them that they haven't been replaced! Do you think they will find this from you if you force independence on to them at such a young age?

I have a year 3 dawdler.

Our rule is: once you are fully dressed, including shoes (preferably appropriate school shoes, one left, one right...) & coat, with bag, PE kit, lunch bag grabbed from fridge...

...THEN you can watch shite tv whilst your parents get their disorganised arses in gear .

It works quite well. I might've cut your ds a bit of slack on his first day, & definitely agree no telly etc whilst geting ready.

Fabby I'm not trying to "get him off my hands" what an idiotic thing to say, I would have done this anyway, and DD has been responsible for herself since the beginning of year 6 also, as will the new baby.

ChippingIn I like walking with him, it gives chance for just me and him to have some chatty time together and I like the exercise and to see my school gate friends. :)

Nanny0gg the getting up getting washed dressed and breakfasted was all done before the telly went on, all his own doing. He has been getting up on his own with an alarm clock at 7 successfully for 2 years.

A1980 In a few years they will be responsible for their own ironing and some cooking and cleaning, with the consequence being no pocket money, I believe they have to earn their money and they presently don't get their pocket money if their rooms arn't tidied, that is an entirely different thread for 2 years down the line.

Goldenbear I would have loved to have been proven wrong, and not had to punish him. I didn't orchastrate a plan to upset him, I did something that I feel he should be now taking responsibility for, with a consequence if he didn't. What relevence is the fact you worked at one of the broadsheets and how many gcse's you got at A* if you along with your peers can't even get it together to arrive at work on time? It shows a total lack of respect for the rules of your job. DS may not be able to work flexitime in order to facilitate his inability to get to work on time

I am still not going to take the telly away from him in the morning, he needs to learn to control distractions and by taking them away how is that teaching him anything? It is his decision, he can just as easily choose not to watch it.

I don't think ywbu at all. At ten children should be responsible for themselves at times. At school their behaviour will be being picked up on right from the minute they get there to ensure that standards are set (and to get them out of holiday mode asap) for the coming year. You seem to be doing that at home too, which IMO is a good thing.

Fabby does make me laugh.

Of course she does not mean what she says she just says it for effect.

Well I hope she does'nt because her sons would of had the piss taken out of them something cronic if everything she says is true.

Yanbu, my eldest was a nightmare for being late until she left school. Caused me so much stress!

I do what ravenAK does with my primary age ones, works well!