To feel so let down by by husband?

[QuestionTime]

Hi
Can feel myself getting progressively more worked up so could really do with some perspective
Basically im 26 and live in windsor, my parents live in Penzance. 3 weeks ago my mum collapsed and was rushed into hospital intensive care. Her brain had swollen up and it was 2 days before she could even recognise me. It turns out that she has 3 nodules in her head that the docs think is cancer. I of course rushed down to be with her and dh came with me. I stayed a week until she got out, dh came home after 3 days as we were worried about the cats etc
Thursday (just gone) she met the neurosurgeon to get the results of her MRI. I drove down to be with her for the appointment. Dh didn't want to come but instead went to visit his friend in Exeter the next day (fri)
Anyway at the appointment we find out that she has 8 tumours and life expectancy of a few months. Going home with her it's obvious how much she has deteriorated already- so forgetful, can't write etc. I'm in absolute pieces - she is not just my mum but my best friend.
Anyway the aibu bit... Dh said he might come back today or mon. He has no signal where he is staying but they have a landline. He hasn't rung me once to see how I am doing. I have just got back to Windsor and sitting home alone is more than I can stand. Surely he should know I need him and come home today to be with me? Or at least just give me a ring to see how I am doing. Added to that he has left the house in a complete tip. Aibu to be furious and hurt at the same time?

look, I wasn't going to comment further as I don't feel it is achieving anything, but Mitmoo your experience is terrible, awful and unforgiveable.

Of course you're right, I have no idea how op feels but i'm in a much better position to probably know how she feels because it has happened to me. I know we all react differently and would be ignorant to think otherwise. Perhaps her dh reacted like a twunt like your ex but actually he is nothing like your ex and is more like my dh who, like everyone, gets things wrong. Perhaps not, perhaps his isn't worth giving a chance too, but we on this thread don't know that, how can we? Only op knows.

OP is totally NBU to be angry with him at all, he was wrong. It's how he deals with being wrong that matters now as you can't undo what has been done.

fit2drop, i'm glad i'm not alone in thinking that maybe, just maybe, some of the posters on this thread are being a little OTT in some of their comments.

Thank you Eddas,

and out of respect for OP and the worries she has at this time , I will not comment any more as I dont think its fair to derail the thread into a potential bunfight.
OP has a fair few comments to look at and digest or ignore as she feels best for her and her situation.

He didn't "make a bad call"

He utterly failed over a period of over a week to do even the tiniest thing to support his wife while she found out that her mother was dying.

There are so many appalling calls involved in that that there is no other possible conclusion but that he is a worthless fuckhead.

The OP will never forget that when she needed him most, he wasn't there for her. That at her lowest ebb it was too much trouble for him to get on a train, even after her begging him to come home to her because she was so upset.

Maybe you live with a man who is so utterly shit that you think you have to "work through" being treated as an inconsequential inconvenience by your husband.

But this is a 26 year old woman with her whole life ahead of her. She doesn't need to spend it tethered to a much older man who has already failed her in the worst way possible.

A 'bad call' is being late to a social event or meeting your wife from work, because you stopped off for a pint on the way. It is not this.

mitmoo, for you. What an awful experience.

Well said, fit2drop 13:58.

Hi everyone.
Went to work today and was hard but I got through it. Dh got in at 8 last night and I (fairly) calmly told him why his behaviour had so hurt me. Today he wrote me such a heartfelt email apologising unreservedly. He said he was being an ostrich and burying his head in the sand which obv it isn't going to.
I honestly believe that he is truly sorry and has realised for the first time how indescribably painful this is for me.
Whilst I haven't forgotten I have forgiven if that makes sense. He has promised to not be such a prat and support me a 100%
Thank you for all your comments - especially for those who were slightly more measured in their approach
For those of you who have gone through this themselves I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I'm sure the pain never truly goes away so thank you for taking time to help and support me as I'm sure it must dredge up old wounds.

Totally makes sense. All the very best for the way ahead.

I second the wishes for the best in the future. I hope your DH has given himself a good shake and is now going to support you fully.

If you get the chance, pop back and let us know how things are with your Mum. Take care of yourself.

QT - I hope from now on in he's there for you, I really do.

You did well getting through the day at work.

Let us know how you are going ok
x

QT, i'm glad things are better with dh now.

If you need any extra support I recommend mn, but not aibu.

I wish you all the best, stay strong and I will be thinking of you

QT I am glad he accepts he was in the wrong, it must be a huge relief to you. My twonker of an ex never got that far so there is plenty of hope for you yet.

In AIBU you will get a high traffic area and blunt opinions it depends what your are looking for as to where you post.

I have hope for you that he'll be there for you either way keep updating us, it would be nice to see if he does turn in to your rock which is what all of us would want for you.

Take care of yourself.

Thinking of you, OP. I hope that your DH is giving you the support you need now to get through such a tough time.