to think attitudes to disabilities in a themepark should be better...

[LunarRose]

We have exit passes for DS with ASD.

AIBU that "I'm going to kick their head in" cos they're "queue jumping", was neither clever nor original (especially after the third time my DP heard it during the day)

AIBU that pushing DS out the way (in the chest with some force) because he failed to respond instantly to your demand he "get out of your way" (whist waiting at the disabled exit) was just plain unpleasant (I was bending down to move him at the time)

So many more similar incidents through the day.

I normal circumstances I wouldn't want to wish my son's disability on anyone, nor the days over backache that a themepark trip entitled before we knew about exit passes (from carrying DS through Queuelines kicking and screaming) however....

We shall retreat to Chessington where we have always found people lovely!!!

Chipping in..I actually xposted with you, honestly didn't post that in response

Chipping: will do . I don't mind the big rides when I'm on my own or with frineds - more worried about my ickle precious babies . although the pirate ship today was not the most fun I've ever had...

dd1 is not too bad at queuing, so no, it hasn't ever really felt too "full" at the exits for us - not even in Disneyworld, where is does get pretty busy (you go in via Fastpass, usually, so have a wait of around 20 mins or so). today we waited through 3 full rides at the Flying elephants - the boy in front of us was having a bit of trouble waiting. and we waited ages at teh berry blaster thing (second time around), as one of them was not functioning well, and there were already 3 families ahead of us in that queue too - probably waited through about 5 turns or so. not huge, but not quite "walk-on" either, and if we had huge issues with waiting it would have been too long.

I've found the worst place is legoland - lots of small-ish rides, with not many places to start with. obviosuly they cannot just fill form the exit/fastpass/q-bot queue, and so eg allocate one hot air balloon for that side, and the rest for the normal queue, as there are only 6 carriages anyway (for eg). that can take a while, if there are even only 3 or 4 families ahead of you - obviously nothign ike the normal queue time, but still a lot to ask a child with ASD to wait, potentially.

I don't remember much about spiderpig but Ive definitely told him to fuck off on another thread when he was spouting bigoted bollocks.

Thanks you two - very needed!

We have been to a few theme parks because dd deserves to have a normal family day out, you know, once a year or so (she's 15 and I can count the times on one hand), that's why we occasionally take ds to places he might not necessarily enjoy. We were lucky enough to win tickets for Legoland and actually had a nice day out, simply because ds was able to 'jump' the queue and go on a few not-too-scary rides with us. He enjoyed the monorail thing so much we went on it twice!

Contrast with Paulton's Park, where it was so hard to attract the attention of the ride operators that we attempted to queue with ds for a few of the 'safer' rides. He was so distressed by being hemmed in by glaring people that by the time we got to the ride he was too upset to get on it. He didn't end up going on anything that day and I spent most of the time waiting in a quiet area with him whilst dd went on some rides with her dad. Some family day out! We'd all paid to get in the same as everyone else so why should only two of us be able to go on things when just a little consideration would have made all the difference?

So, there's a view that children with ASD should be made to queue at theme parks because it is a life skill they would be better having?

I agree actually, but this lesson should come at a time when it will be successfully learnt and when it is the next logical step of their education.

Children will vary as to when this is however, and I don't think random members of the public are more qualified than medical experts, experienced theme park managers or even parents to make the decision as to when this might be.

I have this view because even though ds will always have his dx, I do have a sincere hope that he will one day be able to queue and I work towards it at every opportunity.

However, I do think that there is an alternative valid view, in that even if the child COULD queue, the culmalitive stresses of having a day out with a child with a disability that give other disadvantages can mean that being temporarily relieved by having a fast track pass is pretty much the only thing that makes the journey, fights, tears, nonstop squealing, flapping, incontinence just bearable.

Completely agree. I make ds practise queueing in shops as often as possible and he is very slowly getting better, but I get to pick the best times and places for him to do that. I wouldn't take him out Christmas shopping and expect to take home anything but a quaking ds and a splitting headache!

We took DS to the normal queue behind some persistently judgy, and tutting people at Chessington. Right behind them. For about five excruciating minutes.

As I took DS away to the disabled entrance, DH mused aloud that perhaps we should all follow them around the park, all day, so that they might get a tiny taste of what daily life was like for us, and especially for poor DD who never got a break.

We only saw the most fleeting glimpses of them again as they dodged behind buildings to avoid us

The thing is though, yes the ability to queue is very useful and preferably something that all children need to do...but you don't do that at a theme park.

That's like teaching children to read by handing a four year old harry potter and telling them to get on with it - that's not how you do it, you teach them letters, phonics, punctuation and build it up and until they've got it, you get them to read things at their ability and you read things that are too hard to them, so they skip the hard bit but still get to enjoy it.

I do feel people always talk about HFA when ASD is discussed. my DD is LF and I cannot see her ever queuing, or indeed having to queue in a Post Office or shop etc.

ds3 gets exit pass due to social and communication problems and I am now to the point where i tend to think sod it .He has enough to contend with in everyday life and if this makes life easier and happier then I am dam well going to do it .

Same for me chessing on etc i get exit pass i n my own right as the entrances are not wheelchair friendly and same thing .Exit pass wont give me the use of my legs back but its make mine and my kids life easier and enables us to do fun things as a family .So im going to carry on doing it and have perfected the freeze glare ( just ask my kids .Woe betide someone who wants to have a go as unlike our dc I can stand up well speak up for myself .

Have been known when some adults have gone hmm i want one of them its not fair .Just say well break your back love and you can have it along with a blue badge and you can even use the disabled toilet all the perks love and they normally blush by this point.Or tell you what have a child that can not talk struggles understand

And no do not have a chip on my shoulder if people genuinley want to know am more than happy to explain about me or ds3 disablitys

One of Marne's posts illustrates perfectly the difference between a reasonable and an unreasonable adjustment. The theme park she went to could and perhaps should have an exit pass system; that is a reasonable adjustment.

But that the cafe is noisy which may make it inaccessible to some children with SN - that is a fact of life. A cafe full of excited children (and some of the adults don't communicate in a whisper either . . .) is not going to be a quiet place. It is unreasonable to expect the operators to make it quiet and probably unreasonable to expect them to run a second quiet cafe.

As I have said in another thread; there are no blind chauffeurs, airline pilots, or racing drivers. I have also said that in my swimming club, where there are no cubicles and no room for them, any adjustment which would involve carers of one gender being in the changing area of the other gender while the other gender are using it, is not acceptable.

Some things are not possible; but much is with some imagination and forebearance.

' It is unreasonable to expect the operators to make it quiet and probably unreasonable to expect them to run a second quiet cafe.'

I'd agree with that, but I'd also like an undercover area where you could eat outside, without getting rained on. So when you do need to feed your over-stimulated child, you can bring food from the cafe to a quiet spot.
Or unpack your picnic.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin You prove my point. I had not thought of that but it is obvious. At least when it's not too cold outside.

Andrewfog

For once i agree with you i accept that there are some things I can not do .Thinking very historical buildings where you really can not put in a lift .

But I will not accept that majority of places can not accomidate needs, thinking modern buildinsg , buses , trains etc and in my case cafe leaving me enough room to ge tin and out the bugger or a ramp

goblin trouble is everyone be diving under the shelter as well second theres a snif of rain and do agree it is tricky

We have been known to picnic in the snow and in the rain. High winds are a problem, anything over a force 6 will take food out of your hands and toppings off sandwiches.

I am still shocked that people are jealous of disabled people getting a perceived perk.

talking of stately homes, I would recommend blenhem (sp) palace, they were so helpful and have a lift that dd loved going on(and the ice cream was the best I have ever tasted.
one place we visited a few times when dd was younger was drusillas. she enjoyed it, but as with all these places it was very much geared to nt children, so I have to say not having to que to get on the train seemed right and fair to me(they have a wheelchair compartment on the train)

Fanjo - well I was thinking of HF, purely because of my DS, but I know that of course some children with an ASD will never manage to queue no matter how much work you put in.

What I never understand is why people care about things like exit passes, if you don't need one - why do you grudge other people using them?

We've never used them, by the time DS had an actual diagnosis he was fine to queue at a theme park - but I don't grudge other people having them. I'm just glad it's not an issue for us.

I had an argument with DD a few months ago about DS having had a cup of coffee and how unfair that was - even though she doesn't like coffee and that's how exit pass arguments always seem to me - I'm not getting something, I don't care if I need it or not, I'm not getting it so it's not fair.

Tabulah, yes, it was just a general observation :)

starlightmckenzie
Off topic but I know you are in my area. Do you know about CHIPS playscheme i don't know how well publicized it is, but I was speaking to another parent recently who had not heard of it.

I do see that, DandyLioness. And I stand by my post.

there are a lot of posts on MN explaining why and how it is difficult to live daily life with a child with autism (for eg).

Maybe (and this is not meant as a criticism) you (generic) don't notice them unless you have an interest? I don't know.

But I have found those posts enlightening too - over the last 6 years I have read many posts from people with disabled children (and who have disabilities themselves) which have made me see things form a different perspective. which have educated me about an area of difficulty that my dd1 (and therefore we) does not face. that have highlighted possible future difficulties, and helped me prepare or sidestep them entirely.

I do not htink it was wrong to ask that question - it is avalid question, and one to which I look forward to receiving an answer. I do not htink it is possible to read a thread such as this one, a disabled toilets threa, disabled parking, disabled changing facilities (whether for toiletting/nappy changing or for swimming/sports) and not come across a post such as Marne's on this htread. there is always at least one per thread, often many more.

and so my question was reasonable - if the posters (and it doesn't matter how many posters my quesiton adressed, so not sure why you would single that out as a point) have come across these threads before (and there are so many of them, often occurring in groups that is is difficult to have not come across them) then how does it need explaining more than once? why does it take more than one post like Marne's for someone to see the light?

I fully understand that people cannot just "get" what our daily life is like. I cannot believe what my life is like, if I try to look at it objectively for a moment, and I cetainly woudl not ever have predicted it woudl be like it is. I have done my fair share of explaining re: ASD and ho it affects daily life - from threads on Christmas, to days out, to swimming, to travelling on planes/through airports, to more mundane things like eating in McDonalds or the difficulties of getting speciality foods (and why it might matter to do so).

I am honestly not sure whre your anger is coming form, tbh. if my post does not apply to you, then all well and good. to those whom it does apply, lie spiderpig - well, i await their answer.

Dandy i

I am when it is genuine but when someone is looking or arguement as in the case like spiderpig.Well then i find it hard to be fussed and think why on earth should I explain to someone who does not want to listern

And can understand how others feel beucase lot of the time we are posting the same things as we posted last week on another thread and posted on about it a month before .And it gets very old having to post the same old thing especially when you know it is just becuase people are looking for a fight/arguemnt

As seen in the many disabled parking threads and disabled toilet threads

DandyLioness easy to say that people should post and educate....but
I have this week had past posts about life with dd used against me(were deleted as it was an attack)
Silverfrog has posted lots of useful stuff on mn, she has often given long informative posts about her life, but why should it be her job or people like her to always give?
being a person in the sn world doesn't make you a martyr, especially at the end of a long school holiday. so really why not read a book about SN, or lurk in the sn topic, why expect the sn community to educate you all the time.