to think that only children are lousy at playing ?

[RosemaryandThyme]

Have had variety of children round to play during the school holidays and have had awful times with visits from and to three children, all boys all age six and all only-children.
None of them seem able to join in or involve others in games, often having break-downs or crying fits (yesturdays boy cried five times in an hour!) all over not getting the toy they wanted or basically not getting their own way.
I appreciate all kids are different and we all parent differently but wonder if anyone else has noticed particular play difficulties with only children ?

Hello,

I can't imagine living anywhere else now but I do feel a growing sense of envy towards mums of other children at school, they just seem so easy-going, chatting to each other in the playground. I would like to be more sort of relaxed I guess.
Also all these lessons are starting to have a really awful side-effect that I noticed towards the end of last term, which is that community children come across as precocious when they talk to outside adults and children.
While they were small I was I admit a bit smug about my oldest sons abilities (he speaks / discusses as an adult would) but as he's got to six it is no longer cute it is a bit well, disconcerting I think.
This term school have asked to pop him into y3 instead of the y2 he would normally be in because of it.

Hi Rosemary,
I have missed a lot since I was here last! Like others have said, the amount of work your children do from a very young age seems utterly daunting. My 6 year old [who has just finished year1] does no home work other than his school reading book. I am not surprised the 'community' children are ahead of other children. Their lives do sound very pressured though.

If you have lived in the 'community' since leaving university you have kind of grown up with it. However, it sounds like your childhood was very different and you can see the differences in your children's class mates life styles.
Are you happy with your ds going into year 3? Is he happy? Does your dh have occasional doubts about the life style? Could you both leave if you wanted? I guess it might be complicated for practical and financial reasons as well as emotional to leave.

Children squabbling- got to go!

R&T - you might find my day interesting. DS back to school tomorrow, so I took the day off today. We left the house at 9.30 and went to a nearby stately home (we have a card which means we can use it whenever we want) - ds spent 25mins on the zipwire beford his friend turned up (another only) - then they spent 90mins in the adventure playground together. We had a quick then went round the birds (reading the information on the way) then bit of hide and seek then picnic... then quick visit into school, swimming, supper, bed (with songs).

My 6yo is extremely eloquent, despite not having any extra lessons. Yes, I suppose I could have got him reading more - but he's doing fine and enjoys it. Maths - we do that in the car - he's pretty good at mental arithmetic.

I sometimes feel guilty that I work full-time - but I normally spend nearly all of the weekend with ds - as well as doing the school run and picking up after after-school clubs. I would really like to cut work down to four days a week so that I didn't have to worry as much about cramming so much in during the day and sometimes having to bring things home to do after ds is asleep.

Apart from the lack of spontenaity in terms of your children's routines, the thing that I was about was the fact that you said 'wives' were forbidden from talking to stallholders about anything apart from buying things. Is this the same in terms of dropping your children off at school - can you talk to the other mothers there?

LO, age two, is effectively an only child (his elder brother was stillborn, his elder sister died neonatally) so although he isn't our only child, sadly he is being raised as one.

And he's very good at playing games and joining in. He has more confidence at two than I had (ever, even now) and will just walk up to adults and children alike and start chatting or playing, he's happy to join in with whatever game is going on.

Mostly the other children are happy to play and let him join in. We met two young brothers at the park the other day and the eldest, who was six, took great care of LO, helped him on the slide etc. The younger brother, who was only just four, was delighted to be bigger and older than someone for a change and so was really happy to have LO to play with him too.

And today we met a little girl, about the same age as LO who seemed to be an only child (both parents with her but no siblings in sight) and she was happy to run around and play too.

The other only children we know usually seem happy to play and the only issues with not wanting to share are the usual ones associated with toddlers who are still learning what that means. Sometimes they will share happily, sometimes it's total meltdown.

Rosemary is this a religious community or a eco/co-housing diggers&dreamers type thing? I can understand either way it would be difficult financially to leave, but if you are having trouble talking to people on the 'outside' (and it did seem to be just women you were referring to), perhaps it might be time to move on, specially while your children are still early on in primary school

The community children sound horribly over-scheduled. It's one thing having formal playtime at school, when it has to be 15 minutes at 11am or whatever to fit in with the timetable, but to have that in your home life? Awful. Why is the community so keen to force children into a regimented schedule? And who is making all these decisions - is it genuinely every adult participating on an equal basis, or are there certain people who have stronger voices who are directing this?

Re question OP posed.....how much is due to the actual child and how much is the parent being an issue here?

No. My DD is an only child (at the moment) and she shares and plays with everyone. My brother on the other hand was one of four children, and he never shared his belongings or let us play with his toys, and he was second eldest. So YABU. I think it depends on the child's personality.

YABU.

Some of the worse playdates dd has are with girls who have siblings.

My friends (only) dc plays beautifully well when she is here.

LadyWellian got it!!, it's not only children-it's boys!! {wink}. Nah i'm an only child and i'm forever giving people gifts and at the risk of sounding like i'm blowing my own trumpet you probalay wouldn't find a better friend. They're boys!!! ha ha. But i've seen children with siblings displaying exactly the same behaviour too!!.