to think that only children are lousy at playing ?

[RosemaryandThyme]

Have had variety of children round to play during the school holidays and have had awful times with visits from and to three children, all boys all age six and all only-children.
None of them seem able to join in or involve others in games, often having break-downs or crying fits (yesturdays boy cried five times in an hour!) all over not getting the toy they wanted or basically not getting their own way.
I appreciate all kids are different and we all parent differently but wonder if anyone else has noticed particular play difficulties with only children ?

That is crap, my dd 4.5 is great at sharing, she does not boss other children about, and is very kind and caring too. She does find social interaction difficult but its mabey because she has SN with particular difficulties in social communication and interaction, and speech and language delay. That's not because she is an only child, but because she has SN. Really you cannot generalise. My friends NT son, same age who is an absoulte blighter, hitting and shouting at dd and not sharing, and he has an older sister who is fantastic with dd.

YADBU!
I am an only child, and when I was younger I used to be more willing to share my toys, etc with my friends. I think because it was something different to have someone to play with. More often than not, my toys would go missing due to my willingness to share!

I hate the generalisation that only children are the kids who hate to share, and tantrum or go off in a huff because they don't get their own way! I know plenty of kids who have siblings who go on like this.

oh and I had my friends NT kids round, her dd 3.10 was so rude to dd, refusing to share dd's toys

poor dd just sat there and accepted it as she does not have the level of communication to tell this girl no, don't do that, its not nice

By the way, my ds 1 a shocker at sharing. The only thing I notice about his only child friend is that he seems more mature and sensible than my ds.

He is prone to tears at my little sods boisterousness and I hover more in case he gets upset/ says 'I need a break from you' which does happen and leads to meltdown from my ds.
This could of course just be different personalities/maturity rather than family position however I have had private thoughts about it! Ds1 friend is a lovely boy and my ds could learn a lot about decorum from him!

Total bollocks.

An unscientific survey of three? three? children. Jesus Christ.

I wont bore with my anecdotal evidence but no, only children are not necessarily 'lousy at playing'. And if they were? If any child were 'lousy' at playing - what? Worthy of judgement is it?

Well I can say that my ds no 2 is always the one who comes in huffing/ doesnt like the game/ won't share and he's one of 5! Both my friends only dc are the loveliest children we ever have to play.
So I think yabu a wee bit.

OP - did you mean "secular" or did you mean "insular"

If the former, then we could have a bunfight about that

I hope you are ok RosemaryandThyme and can come back to this tread. Has everyone read op's comments about her life style?

yes 2Boys, but I'll admit I didn't really understand.

Sorry if I've put my foot in it

My DD is 7 and is an only child. She loves other children and plays beautifully with no tantrums (saves them for after the others have left). My friend's twins don't seem to find play dates particularly exciting. They rely on each other for company and don't make much effort to include my dd. The twins often argue or have a tantrum, which my daughter would see as wasting precious playing time.

YABU - but I find onlies a bit wearing because they have a tendency to hang around the kitchen talking to me.

No I am confused too GetAway.
OP sounded unhappy in her last post I thought.

Most only children I know are lovely.

The only difference I noticed is that they expect adults yo get more involved in their games but I guess that's because they get more parental input.

As for sharing my three are capable of behaving badly with sharing special toys. I think it's because they are used to defending special things from each other.

R&T - I was suprised to read where you were - I pictured you overseas.

I am fascinated by the things you say - can you tell us anymore?

Are you OK?

Can you leave if you want to?

OP - I wondered what you meant by "people coming to you via university guides?"

Sorry for my curiosity RosemaryandThyme. It is mixed with concern that you may not be able to leave your compound.

Ach, Rosemary - I'm sorry for being harsh.

No good comes from cutting yourself off from others. People need to swap ideas, thoughts, theories ... from science to philosophy, from religious doctrine to ... tv ... we need to talk to progress.

From childhood I've known this, from childhood.

YABU. My DS was an only DC at 6 yrs-he played beautifully with others. It is nothing to do with size of family-purely character.

I take it all back. We had an only to play today, and she is fab. Far nicer than my lot.

Sounds like most 6 year old boys I know. Certainly mine!!

Hope you come back RosemaryandThyme.

Hello Hello just back from Friday forum, yes I am married, my husband and I met at university in 1993, moved here together (unmarried) then married 11 years ago. He is very kind, he's in the reading room right now.
The university guides helped me when I was an under-grad, my parents had divorced and I was struggling financially. Guides (I learnt much later) are young (20's) folk who are not actually attending university but (use ?) to be present on-campus, usually sitting outside the Union building and they would just come over and chat from time to time.
I made good friends with two of the girls and came here for the next two summer holidays, after graduating it really did seem a lovely place to settle, and to be honest was made very easy by being spacious, pretty, and cheap.
There was a real buzz, it was nice to be part of a community that was all co-opeating and helping each other out, part of our finances were pooled for joint projects but I still had some money of my own, and I really enjoyed having a job and then coming back to a group in the evenings.
I'm not trapped here, nor do I think I'd really want to leave, its not that its unpleasent at all, more that - yes I'd have to agree - insular.
Sorry again for the long post, its really nice for me to talk.

R&T - if you are in a community where most people have quite a number of children, those with onlies perhaps do stick out a bit... and it might seem that that's the reason for the behaviour... although (as I hope many of us have illustrated) it certainly isn't.

Do you still work? And is that within the community or elsewhere?

And why is there a difference for the amount of communication that wives can have compared to others (I presume men?)