to think that only children are lousy at playing ?

[RosemaryandThyme]

Have had variety of children round to play during the school holidays and have had awful times with visits from and to three children, all boys all age six and all only-children.
None of them seem able to join in or involve others in games, often having break-downs or crying fits (yesturdays boy cried five times in an hour!) all over not getting the toy they wanted or basically not getting their own way.
I appreciate all kids are different and we all parent differently but wonder if anyone else has noticed particular play difficulties with only children ?

HummelBoy you said it perfectly

I am one of 6 and I fucking hate sharing.

I love sharing, Morloth and I'm an only, so you can play with me and have all my stuff

Actually I am beginning to feel a bit sorry for you OP, but as I would imagine that most parents of onlies are not that way through choice, I know I am not, it hits a bit of a raw nerve to be told that their behaviour is worse than other children.

ds is 7 and is currently an only, though not for much longer, and he isn't "lousy at playing"!

It's so easy to look at things through one's own prejudice. I'm not sure I know any child who's always content to share everything or always compromise, or who never sulks!!

"it hits a bit of a raw nerve to be told that their behaviour is worse than other children."

Have to disagree tbh.

Yes, I have an only child. Yes, I would have liked another child ideally but I am also very happy with the one I do have.

But no, it doesn't hit a nerve - because ime what the OP is stating is wholey not true.

I have an issue with a generalisation put about about a group of children that is untrue.

How about:

"Children with siblings are lousy at playing nicely because they always fight with one another and squabble over the most ridiculous trivial things."

Would people agree with that as a generalisation, just because I know 3 or 4 children with sibings who are like this a lot of the time? No, of course they wouldn't! because for the vast majority of children with siblings it would be untrue. Just like the generalisation that only children don't know how to share.

It isn't just through sublings that children learn to share after all. Most 6y have been to school and been engaging with other children for a couple of years at lest, if not years of nursery expereicnes too. Or playgroups, or cousins, etc.

In fact dh was an only and it's apparent some of my less than wonderful personality traits are very much to do with having siblings and he doesn't have those things at all.

oh god, here we go again...I am an only child, DP is one of 6; I am more sociable than she is. This is down to differences in our personalities (there is tendency for larger families not to seek out friends - or there was back in the day).

DD is (until December) an only child; she initiates play, she offers toys and food and other things she cares about to other children, she knows how to take turns...go figure.

ps as an only child I have suffered all my life from other people's ridiculous suppositions about what my personality is - it really is most aggravating (possibly my reaction to this suggests that I am a typical only child)

In the context of this thread, I am loving Hula's typo (I assume!) of 'sublings' - although I do of course realise that it was accidental!

If there was ever a thread for a [rolls eyes] emoticon, this is it.

Go away OP and revel alone in your multiple-children smuggery and perfect stereotyped world.

I think it really is down to personality. My DSS is an only child and the whole sharing thing comes in fits and starts. Currently he is using the 'Share!' thing when it suits him - i.e grabbing toys off me or Daddy when he wants to play with them and when we say he shouldn't grab he starts spouting off about sharing. He finds it hard to play by himself sometimes and can be quite demanding saying he wont play unless someone else plays with him. We play with him a lot, but would like it if there were some times we could sit and have a cuppa without having to sit on the floor and do his playing for him. There are times when he wont build anything with his blocks and wants Daddy to do it all.

But then I look at my niece - she is 5 the younger of two girls - the older one is 8. She flips her lid at every available opportunity. Take her birthday party - a few friends are over, they have a bouncy castle and a paddling pool out. They all go on the bouncy castle and she has a total fit about how they are all on it - i.e. all playing together, but she doesn't like it. If anyone picks up anything of hers she rushes over and grabs it and bursts into tears. She snatches things off people and is generally pretty naughty. She bosses her big sister about too.

So all kids are different really, depends on their personalities, their upbringing, how well they interact with other children at nursery, pre-school and school, whether they have friends round often to play or not etc. All kinds of things.

lol at sublings :) Typo, honest.

YANBU (at last).

Well, you are BU, of course - but after witnessing my DCs playing with an only child yesterday, I am inclined today to say that you are completely right.

She cried, cried, cried every few minutes. My DCs weren't doing things her way. They were making her be it in tig, or they weren't letting her be it. Whichever way round, she cried. It is the fourth time we've played with her this holiday, and it has been the same every time.

My DC are not angelic by any stretch of the imagination. But I was glad yesterday that they have one another to bicker with on a daily basis.

"Children with siblings are lousy at playing nicely because they always fight with one another and squabble over the most ridiculous trivial things."

That made me laugh out loud, HulaBaby. It's probably exactly what the mother of yesterday's only child was thinking when she saw mine.

YABU

My DD is an only, and now nearly 15. I always taught her to share and play nicely and she's lovely. Only ever had compliments when she used to go on playdates.

YABU but you do have a bit of a point.

I have 3 sons but the eldest was almost 8yrs old when DS 2 was born. Therefore I can see differences in how the youngest two are compared to how my oldest was at their ages.

One thing I noticed about my eldest was, if he was playing a game with a friend...say Connect 4 for example.

He'd say "Right, I'll be red..you're yellows" and if the friend objected to that, all hell would break loose.

I realised this would have been because when me or my DH played with him, we wouldn't care what colour we were...so without realising it, we'd kind of allowed him to automatically make decisions for other people..and that would have made him come across as selfish or bossy.

We kept that in mind...though we felt rather silly insisting we wanted to be reds sometimes

YABVU

DSD was playing with a group of DC today - the rude, obnoxious ringleader and her slightly younger sister constantly picked on the 3 'onlies'. When my friend and her 2 DC came to stay, the older cried whenever she didn't get her own way, refused to play unless she won and stropped off if she made a mistake. Obvioulsy being the eldest makes you a manipulative bully

All DC have thier moments.

Thw whole can;t share thing, etc is ridiculous if you think about it anyway.

Do people seriously believe that only children are brought up in a tiny bubble and don't play or socialise with anyone else at all ever?

Surely all children, be them siblings or onlies, play with all manner of other people from other children right up to adults, and they learn to play, share, be nice, etc from that. You don't need a brother or sister at home to learn those skills.

My DD went to nursery 2 days a week from being 5 months old. Surely she learnt to share and play with other children there from that moment onwards. Not to mention when friends with children came rough, or family with children.

Also, what about when playing and socialising with grown ups - surely you as a parent model sharing, not just your other children?

And surey the same would apply to all eldest children in a family, at least until another sibling came around - so are all these lousy players too?

Exactly what hula baby said.

My daughter is only child, has been around other children all her life! She is bossy and likes to be in control - just like me and I was one of three.

I think you could have worded your post less provocatively. From what I have seen most children are 'lousy' at playing. Compromise and diplomacy are non common skills for young children, regardless of siblings.

My nephew is an only child and at the tender age of 3 is probably the most sociable child of his age I've met. He share well and is always keen to include others in his games.

He does go to nursery and I know that his parents do spend a lot of time playing with him and making sure he understands what it is to share.

I think it entirely depends on the child tbh and how they are brought up, rather than if they have siblings or not.

Thanks for the slap with a wet fish guys, and thanks Whiff for allowing me a tiny bit of not unreasonable, I'm not too well known for being reasonable around here !!! always seem to be a bit of a lone-ranger but I do think MN is good for me in that way, in RL my friends are probably to polite (or too pissed-off) to say it as it is.

What did you expect? "Oh, yes, my pfb only is just like that"???

How many children have you had round this holiday, how many have been onlies and were those three boys the only ones to display annoying behaviour?

I have a 6 yo ds. He's an only - but please don't make me feel any worse about it than I already do.

However, he is also a wonderful child - he is always the first to share food if another child doesn't have a snack; he plays happily with both the boys and / or the girls at school (and the girls mainly think he's great); he does get upset sometimes about games at school - but that's because, once again, he's gone along with someone else's idea rather than his own (normally a friend with an older sister). I have had his good manners and positive attitude commented upon when people have been doing activities with him and other children (without me around).

Of course you're generalising, but it really doesn't help and it is certainly not true. And therefore, of course YABVU

YABVVVU!!

My son is an 'only' and is very well behaved, great at sharing and better behaved than some of my friends children who have siblings. Although I don't say they are worse behaved because they have siblings - I understand that every child is different and wouldn't make such an awful generalisation.