To dread my pil visiting for the birth

[veryworriedme]

i think I already know I am but it is a question of how much. I am due to give birth in a few weeks and my pil are travelling from NZ to stay with us for a month from a few days before my due date. My mil visited before when my ds was 5 months but my fil has never met him and he is now 18m. I have been terrible about refusing to travel to NZ (partly because last time I got a dvt but also because of being a wimp about doing it with ds) and so they are forced to come here. We have a 2 bed house so dh, the newborn and me will sleep on the sofa bed in the sitting room so we don't disturb them in the night. I think what I am worrying about though is how I will be in those few weeks after birth. Last time I found breastfeeding a nightmare (ds was a bit premature) and spent my whole time weeping with a boob out. The only way I coped was by having 4 hrs sleep solid by sleeping in the spare room which I won't be able to do this time. My pil are very sweet people but they are not very independent and so likely to be in the house all day and I don't know them well enough to be comfortable being a mess in front of them. I suggested to my dh that they stay in a local hotel for a week to let us get ourselves together but he was v hurt. Am I being selfish? Or worrying over nothing as maybe it is easier second time round.....

I tgink youvemade the right decision, but you're obviously going to have some space issues for a wee while soon. I have a suggestion.
Buy a nice tent (or use an old tent) and put it up in the garden if you have one. Get some comfy airbeds or a comfy sun lounger and use it as a space for anyone to get a lie down/cup of tea in peace.
Disclaimer: Im not suggesting you co- sleep out there, thats obviously not right/dangerous. Just a bit of quiet space.
Check these out:
www.belltent.co.uk

For a month, a short term let might be cheaper than a B&B and would give your PIL the flexibility to make their own tea/coffee/breakfast and make themselves at home.

I think it is a terrible time to visit though. It's a time for you and your husband and son to bond with the baby. You really don't need other family members in the way for more than a few hours here and there. And as someone else has pointed out, newborns don't do anything. They would be better off postponing for a few months until you are settled and the baby is interracting with people a bit.

I think it's great that your DH has agreed to the week in a B&B, but it is still not ideal. Are they going to be on your doorstep first thing? You will have mw visits etc. to contend with. It really is a terrible time for them to come, and they have really not thought this through I'm sure.

I have my own parents on there way today (due induction on monday) and although we live in a relatively big house (4 bed, 2reception rooms) we already have 2 kids and im still getting stressed about 'needing my space'.

i would have them on the sofa bed for a start if a hotel is really not an option, you need your own bed, good support and to feel comfortable.....not to be asking if its ok to come into your own room everytime you need a new pair of knickers!

Fab that he's looking at b and b now wht you need to do is get online and fine them loads of free days out they can go on nearby so they're not on your doorstep all the time and get them loads of leaflets :)

We had visits with gp's staying one night in a hotel soon after birth.

PILS first - left ours at 10pm and arrived back at 9am the next morning - horrific.

My parents left at 5pm (leaving us with a tea that just needed warming) and rang at 10am to see when they should come back - much better.

You need to make your PILS behave like my parents even with the b and b option things could still be a bit difficult.

pomme fancy seeing you here

I dont think that a dh who doesnt want to upset his parents is necessary a bad husband,mine is certainly a loving and kind man who wants the best for me and the children but he also loves him parents and that is why he is such a great family man.It is hard to ask your parents to stay in a hotel asnd the parents shouldnt put their kids in that situation.

I aggree that the b and b wont help if they are anything like my pils would be there at the crack of dawn untill midnight.

I have a thread in relationships if anyone is interested in the fallout of not getting this right.

I find it hard to not answer pil posts ledkr!

Hmmm yes, I think a short term let may be a better plan as they could hang out there more and be pomme's parents rather than pil. I will get on to that straight away. It was only when I talked it through with dh after posting that he told me they were coming on those particular dates as they were the only ones his dad could get off work till next year. I don't think postponing is really an option . Yup, and day trip leaflets is a good tip! Good luck on Monday sewmuchtodo!