...to ask if those of you without siblings would have preferred growing up with a brother or sister?

[MissMississippi]

...and now as an adult, what are your views on 'an only child'?

DH and I have one DC. He was very much wanted. We always said we would have two kids. But I love him so much I don't know if I want to (a) change his life too much by giving him a sibling or (b) that I have enough love fir another child (maybe I am being silly!).

But on the other hand maybe he would love having a sibling to play with now, and as an adult someone else important in his life other than me and DH (as we have a small family).

So those MNers who didn't have siblings as a child - how did you feel?

Sorry...I waffled.

To summarise. Kids grow up. They change. Their family status doesn't necessarily dictate the kind of adult they become. Their childhood is judged on the quality of the experiences they have, not who they have them with. The position in a family may influence their personality, but personalities grow and develop and change, so we can only ever do our best for our kids. The rest they'll do themselves.

I'm an only child brought up by a single mum and we were more like sisters, than mother and daughter. And I don't think we would've been as close if I had had siblings. I was lucky though, as I was brought up very close to my cousin, who is 4 years older, so was like an older brother. Best of both worlds
I now only have dd, although I am with a new partner, we are not necessarily considering having more children. Unless our financial position improves greatly, I do think dd will be an only child. I never suffered for it, and I'd rather spend the money we have on 1 dd, giving her as much as possible, instead of struggling with more than one child. dd does have cousins (I have a stepbro and step sis who both have children) so it's not like she is the only child in the family.

I absolutely hated being an only child, and I think it made me a bit of a wimp because I never had to fight for toys or compete in any way. When I was a child I longed to have a brother or sister to play with, and when we went to restaurants was always conscious of being just 3 people on a table for 4 - made me feel we were incomplete.
Now I am grown up I still feel incomplete. My children have no cousins on my side, and I have no one to share the worries of aged parents. Nor anyone with whom to share childhood memories.
As for worrying about not being able to love a second child as much as the first, I remember having exactly those concerns. Very silly, as I realised as soon as DD was born. Love is not something that can be quantified or limited, it is ever-embracing, ever-expanding. I have 3DC and love each one of them fiercely and unconditionally.

delphine you hit the nail on the head, I think we may be cyber clones!

I hated being an only child and was lonely, all the adults focus was on me. But the people that raised me (my maternal gran and aunt) were strict and extremely religious. I wasn't allowed to socialise with neighbourhood children and had no idea how to get along with them, or really how to behave like a child as I wasn't treated like one.

I was an only child until the age of 25 when I found my birth siblings. I loved being an only child growing up, and meeting my many half-brothers and sisters convinced me that growing up a singleton was better. For me, at least.

Whether or not my personality was shaped by being an only child, or whether I would have been a loner anyway, I have no idea.

I would hate not to have a sibling. My brother is my best friend, we do everything together, go on holidays away, he babysits for me,we are always there for each other. When my parents die we will always be there for each other. He is such a big part of my life that if I didnt have him it would be like missing a half of me.

Also DH is an only and says he wishes he had what I have with a sibling. I think if you can give them a sibling its cruel not to as you are depriving them of something fantastic (only my opinon though!)

I am an only child and as a kid it was hard not to have anyone to talk to about stuff or play with but as an adult i love it. No sibling rivalry, no argueing and i get on so well with my parents which i don't think i would of if i wasn't on my own. A big down side is that i have to deal with everything alone regading my parents, like when dad was diagnosed with cancer the day after i had dd2, i had to help mum look after him and i had a 6yr old and a newborn, i also look after any paperwork and all phone calls to authorities as my dad isn't up to it. But i stil wouldn't change it for the world

Not an only child, but DH is, and at first he only wanted one as he loved being an only child when he was young, but he grew up on a country estate with a pack of other kids, so his experience was a bit difference from most only children.

Now he is an adult he is starting to see the disadvantage, all parental attention is on him, and he feels the pressure, and his parents also have quite a lot of problems (financial, alcohol and relationship) which he feels like it's his responsibility to sort (I realise this isn't normal behaviour from parents of only children, but PIL do seem to rely on DH an awful lot). He also sees that I have a great relationship with my sister, which he envies.

We have one DS and number two is on the way, so I got my way in the end . In fact it was DH that got broody for DC2 first!

I am an OC, and between the ages of 9-14 I lonnnnnnged for a companion. The years before I was completely and utterly happy (even though my parents separated between the ages of 3-9) I was well protected and grounded.

I am now a happy adult and neither feel happy nor sad about being an OC, it is what it is. I sometimes love the fact that I can get complete time to myself without having to worry about anyone else. That said, even now some days I long for a sibling who totally and utterly understands what I've been through: from knowing and understanding my parents and why I am who I am...and who gets me too.

Don't make your parenting choices because of guilt of fear...your DC will turn out just fine either way :)

I was an only child and I think I was happier as a result. If you want another child then have one. If you don't, then don't.

I am an only child. Hated it. Absolutely loathed it, and spent hours wishing and dreaming that I had a sibling to play with, fight with, talk to.

Christmas and holidays were lonely and boring.

Now as an adult, I still hate it because my parents have both died, and I literally have no relatives at all. Not a single one. I will never be an aunt, and as I dont have children (only stepchildren) I will never be a grandmother either.

I think what makes it worse for me, is that I was adopted, and somewhere out there I know I have at least 2 older half brothers, and quite possibly more siblings, none of who know of my existence.

mosschops30, actually parenting care falling on one sibling is very common. If not the majority, I would say at least 50/50. It could go either way. There are forums with sooooo many angry, shocked, resentful, and frustrated siblings talking about how hurt they are that their siblings would do that to them as well as their parents. Some have even stated that they hate their siblings and no longer want them in their lives. So, you really don't know whether or not your siblings would be helpful or not. So since you don't know what kind you would have, why worry about something you can't change? Wouldn't it be silly to worry about siblings, and in reality they might make things worse for you? At least as an only child you are prepared, but imagine the hurt, shock, resentment, and shock of finding out that your siblings don't care about you or your parents. They simply abandon you in your time of need. Here's an interesting link about siblings and ailing parents: www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBoQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmikegamble.websitetoolbox.com%2Fpost%3Fid%3D2596447&ei=woqMTrKHK6Py0gGfvY3MBA&usg=AFQjCNFbSTr-rbWFMlHpFpkxk8Sru85t8Q

If the above link does not work, google and put in "mike gamble.....when your siblings won't help?"

Also, to answer the question.

I had a very happy and fun childhood and I never wanted siblings. I am very content with being an only child. I wouldn't change it for the world. I loved not having sibling rivalry, no one to be compared to, no one stealing or breaking my things, no one snitching on me, no one telling all my buisness to others, no one having to put up with if we don't get along. Loved not having to tolerate a sibling's annoying friends, not having to sacrifice my freedom by babysitting annoying siblings, no one harrassing me or embarrassing me, and not having to share my room with anyone. Being an only child is AWESOME!!!

I absolutely hated being an only child,I invented an imaginary sister and told people all about her .I was a very loved,indulged child but I'd have swapped any material advantage for a sibling.Its worse as parents grow old and die-there is no-one to share memories with.I always vowed I'd never have an 'only' and I didnt.My ds has an only child-a dd and I know she wishes she had a sib.My dd-i-l wanted to stick at one and my ds respected that though he'd have loved another.Dd has two.

I loved my childhood as an only child. So much so that my DD is an only by choice too now. My parents were of the generation that didn't spend too much time playing with me one to one but my memories are of complete attention whenever I wanted to chat or do things with them. I was never spoiled. In fact I only got toys on birthdays/Christmas (plus the occasional 'guilt' toy from my full-time working mother - her own admission). Every weekend was spent on outings with them both. They made sure I socialised with my peers and I was a confident little girl with some very close friends who were always encouraged by my parents to come over to play.

Certainly don't miss what I've never had. Do not feel lonely as an adult either even though my parents are elderly and my Dad is in significant decline. That's because I have DH and friends in my life.

My DH is one of three and yet he and his siblings were so different he says he may as well have been an only. The still are not that close, much to their mother's dismay.

Everyone is different though. Some onlies had lonely experiences, some siblings are as close as twins. You have no idea how your situation will turn out... Just do the best you can with one or with more than one.

Oh yes, and parent care when MIL is old and infirm will 99% likely fall on DH's shoulders. Having siblings will make no difference here, sadly.

I would have loved to have been an only child. I hated having siblings, both as a child and now as a grown up. I am the oldest and responsible still for them!
Seriously, it's the reason I have a large age gap between my children and I am determined to help them form a good sibling relationship.

I have to say that i have 1 sister but we are so different, i was very independent in everything and she is very much family orientated. So most of the times it felt as if i was on my own, i didn't mind, in fact i think it gave me more strength to manage on my own and don't rely on others. I might be selfish in this respect for other reasons but i have 1 baby boy, and i am not planning to have any more children. i hope that he won't be upset with me in the future for not giving him siblings.

I am an only child. I had a wonderful childhood - I had lots of friends to stay/visit, and lots of extended family too. I had company (lots of it) whenever I wanted it, but also peace and quiet too. My parents also made sure that I was able to go (eg they would take me and pick me up) to various activities too, where there would be lots of other children eg dancing classes, gymnastics, music lessons, Brownies etc.

I certainly wasn't spoilt in terms of material things, but I didn't go without. There was lots that I would have liked in an ideal world, but I had nice clothes and lovely toys and things. We had a static caravan (those were the days!) and so we didn't go on foreign holidays, but we spent lots of weekends and long school holidays staying in our caravan at the seaside. It was great.

I would love to replicate my childhood for me DS. He is nearly 4, and I have absolutely loves spending time with him, and having one-to-one time with him (I work part-time). But my DS is one of three children, and had an equally happy childhood, and he has always wanted more than one child. Ideally, he would want three. Ideally, I would want one.

So we have compromised - I am 10 weeks pg with our second, who is very much planned. Its taken me ages (DS is nearly 4) to be willing to have another baby. DS is an absolute joy, and I just love playing with him and taking him places, and having so much quality time with him. I really treasure and enjoy it, and can't imagine anything better if I'm honest.

But I don't feel that I can deny DS another child either. We are financially stable, have a large home and there is nothing actually stopping us having two (or more, for that matter) children. I know that when the baby arrives, it will be fantastic, and as I am an only child, and DH's siblings are not showing any signs of being anywhere near ready to have children, it is a decision that we have made.

I know exactly where you're coming from OP.

I really liked being an only child when I was little - didn't much like the idea of there being someone else around who my parents loved as much as me! Which makes me sound like a spoiled horror, but I honestly don't think I was/am. I never had any problems sharing stuff and am certainly not an attention seeker (in fact I hate being the centre of attention). I was a BIG reader and spent most of my childhood with my head in a book. I did also have lots of friends in the neighbourhood though and "played out" with them a lot which was probably a good thing for me.

It's only as I've got older and become an adult that I've started to wish I had a sibling. It scares me that I will have no-one to share the burden with if my parents' health deterioriates or they need extra care, especially as I don't live in the same country as them any more. And while most of my friends seemed to spend their childhoods fighting with their siblings, now as adults I see the wonderful relationships that exist between them and I definitely feel that I'm missing out on something.

I was the middle of two brothers but I would have loved a sister lol.

Have you thought of the future implications of only having one child? I only have 1 dd and I am concerned that if I get ill or am very old that she will be left to look after me on her own. Although to be fair my dad has 3 siblings and is still left to do most of the work when helping his elderly parents. He even had to stop work inorder to move back to London to look after my Nan after she had surgery for cancer. I know children are very expensive and it is lovely just to have one but the way the countrys economy is going when we need help in our old age it is going to be the only children that have to deal with it.

oops sorry riverboat I hadnt read your post. That covers exactly what I was trying to say.

My partner and I have agreed on one child, with more to follow if we like the first one. Take life as it comes, y'know?