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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that a 2.5 yo who still has a dummy / teddy.....

59 replies

southmum · 01/09/2011 09:30

.......is a non-issue?

DS goes to nursery and seems to be the only one who takes a teddy in with him. He still has little naps in the day and asks for his dummy / teddy bear, apart from naps, bedtime and when hes upset about something he doesnt bother with them at all, at nursery or at home.

I dont want to make a big deal about it because a) IMO it isnt one, and b) we have another DS due in September and to me that is going to be a big change so dont want DS1 to feel we are 'punishing' him by taking away his comfort things just before this massive change happens for him.

DP thinks we need to just stop him taking his dummy and teddy into nursery, hes embarassed by it all I think Hmm but I think hes bloody 2.5, leave him the sod alone!

OP posts:
Morloth · 01/09/2011 09:35

YANBU, 7yo DS1 still has his Puppy at bed time.

He wouldn't take him anywhere now (would obviously affect his streed cred Grin). But he still snuggles him at home.

On another note, if he really loves that particular teddy might be best not to take him to nursery. Puppy got lost once, it was traumatic for all of us.

Tee2072 · 01/09/2011 09:36

I'm with you, especially about the teddy. My 11 year old niece has a teddy that she still sometimes takes with her, at least in the car, if she's doing something new or scary!

We are talking about trying to wean my son off his dummies a bit starting at Christmas when he'll be 2.5 but I doubt we will remove them for naps/sleep for a good while yet.

People will come tell you they are ruining his teeth but I specifically asked my dentist and he said so long as they are off them by the time his adult teeth come in, they aren't a problem. Dummies these days, no matter the shape, do not change the shape of the jaw the way dummies of old and sucking a thumb can.

sparkle12mar08 · 01/09/2011 09:37

I wouldn't let him take the dummy to nursery, he needs to be able to use the speech he has unimpeded, but the teddy is absolutely a non issue, I agree.

hermionestranger · 01/09/2011 09:37

nearly 6yo DS1 still has his favourite teddy. He's taking it on his first day in year 1 next week. YANBU your DP is.

Sirzy · 01/09/2011 09:38

He is still a baby.

That said ds doesnt take his teddies out of the house as we had a near miss with loosing one. So now they are for in the house only!

A child that age having them in no issue though. If he gets to 15 and wants to take a dummy and teddy to school then it may be an issue ;)

Sirzy · 01/09/2011 09:39

Sparkle - a dummy just to sleep/when upset isn't going to stop him talking (certainly hasn't ds!) if he had it in 24/7 then I would agree with you!

Sinister · 01/09/2011 09:40

DS2 has just gone off for a couple of nights with his grandparents (and older brother) cuddling his dog-teddy in the back of the car ... he is 8

DSis is a surgeon and still has a cuddly blanket she sleeps with - once half asleep - she punched her DH for lying on it....

bigTillyMint · 01/09/2011 09:41

YANBU - DS still has his "cloth" for bedtimes and he is 10 and a real alpha-male boy Grin

I would get him to leave the dummy at home though - as others have said, it can impede speech development.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 01/09/2011 09:42

He's still so little. His teddy is a source of comfort and familiarity to him when he's away from you, so no I don't think it ought to be taken away from him. Especially with a sibling's imminent arrival.
My nearly 9yr old dd still has her favourite teddy that she sleeps with and comes in the car on odd occasion and will go away with her when she sleeps away from home.

I agree with perhaps taking a different one to nursery or perhaps getting a second one the same in case of emergency. (DD used to take hers to the childminders and their dog got hold of it and ripped it's eyes out! Cue my calling nearly every branch of M&S to try and find a new one!)

Tillyscoutsmum · 01/09/2011 09:44

If he's having naps there, then I really don't see the problem.

There was a little boy at dd's pre school who always took his teddy in (he's just 4). I do wonder whether it will be accompanying him to his first day to school on Tuesday and, whether, he's starting to get the age where he may get teased about it Sad

DSD still has her "Panda" at bedtime and she's almost 8 Smile

Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 09:44

I have a stash of back up teddies just incase one decides to have an adventure Grin

Id be worried about the dummy aswell if he didnt only have it maybe a few times a day, it normally plops out of his mouth when hes sleeping anyway.

TBH it makes me a bit sad that DP seems to be embarassed by him taking them into nursery

OP posts:
Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 09:45

He only has one nap aswell btw, not sure why Ive said it in the plural

OP posts:
OrganicFreeRangeBoys · 01/09/2011 09:46

We got rid of DS1's dummy at 15 months but it wasn't forced upon him. We just couldn't find it one night but he went straight to sleep and never asked for it again!

He is 28 months and still has his "blankie" (little teddy bear with a little square of fleece attached). He did take it to nursery with him the first few times as a comfort thing but now he uses it like your son, for sleep or when he's tired/upset! When we go out, blankie sits on the bed.

Definitely a non issue IMO.

RedBlanket · 01/09/2011 09:46

DT1 took his teddy with him on the first day of school!

Mine are 7 now and Whenever we go anywhere we are usually accompanied by an assortment of teddies. We do make them leave them in the car though, the day Ding Dong Cat got left at Father Teds is etched on my mind forever.

sparkle12mar08 · 01/09/2011 09:48

Now that's a story I've got to hear, Redblanket! Spill!

twinklingfairy · 01/09/2011 09:59

Yup, I am with you on the teddy not being a problem, but think that a dummy to nursery is maybe not so good. For bedtimes/naps absolutely.
We just used the dummy fairy for my DS (3 in October) and it worked a treat but he never had it out of the house for at least the last 9 months? I think. Certainly it did not leave the bedroom for the last 6 months.
Your DP is being poo for worrying what other people think. That just should not be an issue. What is right for your son should be the priority.

GalaxyWeaver · 01/09/2011 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/09/2011 10:02

I just knew you were going to do that! I clicked the thread with my dander up knowing what the op would say :o

Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 10:02

I can see me sneaking his teddy into his school bag when he starts just incase he needs a bit of comforting Grin

Glad to hear Im not being all PFB about it. Its never really struck me to think anything when I see little kids of any age with teddys and blankies but DP has gone on about stopping him taking his teddy inparticular to nursery for a while now and I just think "oh bog off"

Am also interested in this Father Ted adventure Red.....

OP posts:
mummytime · 01/09/2011 10:07

Well just remember when you son starts school and it is his turn to bring the class bear home, that is a time for your DH to do the pick-up! BTW most Cubs/Beavers/Brownie/School camps (for years 3 and 4) have a Teddy as a required item on the kit list.

RedBlanket · 01/09/2011 10:08

Doh that should be Farmer Teds not father, stupid phone.

DS was completely heartbroken. DH took a day off work to go look for it. I made posters of it so they knew what to look For. When they phoned a week later to say they had found it in the gift shop, I cried down the phone! I had to send my mum to pick it up because I had come to my senses and realised i was behaving like a loon. PFB much? Blush

Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 10:09

haha Gwen, sorry to disappoint......Im not a very prolific poster so wanted to attract a bit of attention to get some answers Grin

What would you guys do about the dummy situation? I know we'll have to start weaning him off it soon, but is it best to hang on until he gets used to DS2 being around before we take it away? We've also got potty training to tackle soon (hes being a bit slow to show more than a fleeting interest in the potty and Ive not been pushing the issue with him too much but will have to get a bit more 'aggresive' with it soon I guess?) so really that could be 3 fairly big changes in his little world

Sorry this has to be the least controversial AIBU ever.....

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 01/09/2011 10:09

After the age of about 1 year old, the dses just had their dummies when they were in bed (naptime or bedtime), which sounds like what your ds is doing, southmum. We did get rid of the dummies at around 2 years old (but as the youngest is now 14, this is lost in the Mists of Time, and I can't recall exactly how old each of them was when we did this). Basically we waited until they were old enough to understand, and then told them they could take the dummies to the toy shop, and use them to 'buy' a toy they wanted.

One of us set it up in advance with the toy shop, the child chose the toy, took it to the cash desk and handed over the dummy, and then we paid surreptitiously whilst he was absorbed with his new toy.

It worked without a hitch each time - though I confess I did keep back one dummy each time, in case of dire emergency, but I never needed it.

Oh - and nothing whatsoever wrong with having a teddy for comfort - I still do.

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 01/09/2011 10:15

YANBU. My DS is the same age as yours. He has had no interest in a dummy since about 3mo but IF he did it would be a non issue. He is just a baby.

I don't understand why people have such a problem with a baby's comfort!

WilsonFrickett · 01/09/2011 10:17

I think the teddy is a complete non-issue, and actually had a row with my DSD about it at the weekend actually! My DS had dropped his wee nighttime teddy but when we moved house it appeared again. I am so not bothered by this but DSD saw fit to stick his neb in raised his concerns about it.

The dummy thing - if it bothers you, just try him without it one day and see what happens. He might surprise you. We did what SDTG did - took him to the toyshop (very far from home to stop night raids in their bins) and swapped his dummies for a much wanted toy. Apart from sleeping with the toy for a couple of nights it was no problem at all Smile

As DC2 is due this month I would probably hold of on toilet training - if you had enough time to properly crack it I would say go ahead, but I think you're right to wait a bit longer. Good luck with it!

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