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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that a 2.5 yo who still has a dummy / teddy.....

59 replies

southmum · 01/09/2011 09:30

.......is a non-issue?

DS goes to nursery and seems to be the only one who takes a teddy in with him. He still has little naps in the day and asks for his dummy / teddy bear, apart from naps, bedtime and when hes upset about something he doesnt bother with them at all, at nursery or at home.

I dont want to make a big deal about it because a) IMO it isnt one, and b) we have another DS due in September and to me that is going to be a big change so dont want DS1 to feel we are 'punishing' him by taking away his comfort things just before this massive change happens for him.

DP thinks we need to just stop him taking his dummy and teddy into nursery, hes embarassed by it all I think Hmm but I think hes bloody 2.5, leave him the sod alone!

OP posts:
Misspixietrix · 01/09/2011 10:22

Southmum have the nursery said anything to you? If it's just dp being a little embarrassed, he'll get over it :) my dd's nursery always used to make sure i left her blankie and dummy for them, and she was 3.5! With dd we had the dummy fairy come, she left it for them in the garden and she woke up to lots of presents in sparkly boxes. My ds still has his dummy and a blankie too, he's going to leave his dummy for santa xmas eve, rudolph needs it for his baby brother & he'll get a thankyou present from him ;)

Kayano · 01/09/2011 10:24

I still have a teddy at 26 and use it if DH is away lol

Not so sure on the dummy tbh

stressheaderic · 01/09/2011 10:24

My DD 18 mo takes her dummy to nursery. We put it on a shelf when we arrive and she just has it for her nap. She sometimes points to it in the day and says 'dodo' - she doesn't want it, but just likes to know it's there. I don't see the harm in it at all.

Teaandcakeplease · 01/09/2011 10:25

YANBU. My DD's beloved doggy went with her to pre school everyday and then nursery. She kept it in her bag once settled at nursery and it only came out if she was very very upset. Slowly over this year she has begun to leave it in her bed, all by herself and just sleeps at night with it. She is now age 4. She gave up her dummy at just after age 3 to the "dummy fairy". But had only had it for naps for quite some time before that. She starts reception in Sept.

My son is almost the same age as yours and is very attached to his doggy and bunny They're both labelled and I have spares. I am sure he will slowly do the same as his sister in due course. I keep a spare as well.

Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 10:26

SDTG and Wilson - I like that approach of waiting until hes old enough to understand and especially the using it as payment for a toy, I think when the time comes we'll use that approach

Really glad to hear people think teddy is a non issue, will just tell DP to knob off next time he starts.

OP posts:
bagpusss · 01/09/2011 10:30

Teddy is not an issue at all. 2.5yo children who use dummies during daytime look awful IMHO, but that is not your case. Dummies for sleeping only at that age is not an issue. Of course, get him off the dummy sooner rather than later, but it is nothing to be embarassed about.
By way of context, here, we still see 4.5 yo kids arriving at school in mums' huge cars with dummies firmly in place. Yuk!
YANBU

HorridCold · 01/09/2011 10:35

YANBU, he's still so young.

I have a friend who still has a blanket and when I first met her (her DH is my DH's best friend), she apologised to me about it. She sat there all evening sucking her thumb and running the blanket through her hands, it was really odd. It still unnerves me a bit now...

She's 36... Confused

canihavemypocketmoney · 01/09/2011 10:36

My ds2 is a strapping 16 yo, now going to weekly boarding school. He isn't shy about packing his small teddy to take with him. He is a normal boy with lots of friends and afaik has never been teased about this !

Tonksforthememories · 01/09/2011 10:36

Our DD's dummies got given to santa when they were 2 and 2.4. we made biscuits and attatched the dummies with ribbon. they never looked back.

DS is giving his up on his birthday in 3 weeks. He'll be 2 too.

DD2 sleeps with a big bit of satin which only leaves the house on sleepovers. She's 6.

Teddy is a non issue IMO, dummy may be worth looking at tho!

usualsuspect · 01/09/2011 10:38

It is a non issue ,both teddy and dummy

Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 10:41

Misspixie - Ive said to his key person a few times that hes the only one with a teddy (a few others have dummies) and she just laughs and says "well so do I". He does only ask for ted and dummy when he is a bit tired or if hes had a bit of a fall/accident.

She did actually say one day that one of the other kids parents (didnt say which one so she wasnt gossiping, think she was trying to reassure me) had done the same as what DP wants to do and stopped her DD taking a teddy in. She said it was horrible watching the little girl cry for her teddy bear, apparently my DS let her share his Smile

OP posts:
notenoughsocks · 01/09/2011 10:47

YANBU
Actually, I found your post quite reassuring. My 18mo has a blanky and one of the ladies at nursery hinted that he might be a bit old for it now. I disagreed and said I wasn't worried, but I was a bit inside.
Anyhow, one incident made me feel much better. I was outside with DS the other day and he was holding his blanky. And two of the children (8 & 5) who live a few doors down popped over to say hi. They admired his blanky for a bit and told me about theirs. The 5yo said he had grown out of his and couldn't remember where he ever lost it. But the 8yo, who is 8 going on 80 and a very sensible kid, confided that he still had his at home. I know they are kids but they seemed a lot more balanced than the nursery worker and they made me feel so much better.

SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 01/09/2011 10:50

What a little sweetheart your ds is, southmum - sharing his teddy with a little girl who was upset. That made me go 'Awwwww' out loud (the dog is looking perplexed).

bubby64 · 01/09/2011 10:56

YANBU My 2 DC are 10yrs old, and were worried to take their teddies on a 5 day residential trip, even though they still have to have them to help them sleep! They were reassured however, when I talked to several of their classmate mums, and found that nearly all their class of 19 kids couldn't sleep or go away without a "comforter" of some kind. So yes, it is a non issue for a child of only 2.5yrs to need a reassurance item in a new enviroment!!

Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 10:58

Notenough - my DBro was winding my niece up about her doll (shes due to start school in the next few weeks) and he was asking her what she was going to do about the doll when she was at school, will she hide it in her bag etc. She very matter of factly said "Daddy, dolly doesnt need to come to school with me because I will teach her all I know when I get home", not the same as your example I know but it just reminded me how straight thinking and uncomplicated kids can be.

SDTG - I was VERY surprised when she told me he shared his teddy, aww that sounds a bit cruel actually, being surprised that he did something nice, you know what I mean.....

OP posts:
Original poster
southmum · 01/09/2011 11:03

Infact reading this thread I am surprised that not a single other child in his nursery doesnt have a teddy or comforter or something.......DP is the one who drops him off in the morning so he sees nearly all of the kids, when I pick DS up there are only a few kids left......I now wonder if DP is exaggerating (sp?) about DS being the only one with a teddy. The nursery workers swap around alot aswell so whereas one might not see a teddy all day the others might IYSWIM

hmmmm

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 01/09/2011 11:09

we had to resort to the bottle fairy. she bought one item of fairy costume every night for 5 days til the habit as broken. (skirt/wand/tiarra/wings/fairy letter thanking for the bottle)

Kladdkaka · 01/09/2011 11:23

My daughter is 18 and the first thing she packs when going away is still Meow-Meow. It's no longer recognisable as the cat it was 18 years ago but it's still her most loved possession.

OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 01/09/2011 11:25

YANBU. Child psychologists from Winnicott onwards have observed that attachment to a transitional object (teddy, blanket etc) can start from about six months but tends to peak around 2.5 before normally tailing off some time after that.

So a 2.5 year old with a teddy or similar is a total non-issue.

Unreasonablyfedup · 01/09/2011 11:28

As long as he is only using the dummy while sleeping I don't think that is an issue. However, we had to get DD off hers and Jo Frost has a brilliant method - where you leave them as a present for the dummy fairies, in the garden, who leave a present in return. We had one horrible night, where she woke every couple of hours - but in less than a week she was off it completely. And her speech did improve a lot.

LisasCat · 01/09/2011 11:31

DD had her dummy for the kind of emergencies you describe, until just after her 3rd birthday (and certainly wasn't the only one at nursery by that point who still had one). Then we put them in a little drawstring bag, hung it on a tree while we went out, and when we came back the dummy fairies had exchanged the dummies for a fairy dress and wand, some chocolates, and sprinkled the garden with fairy-shaped confetti.

It is so much easier once they're old enough to have a conversation about it and understand the idea of a fair exchange!

greengirl87 · 01/09/2011 11:34

i dont see a problem with the teddy my sisters still took their teddys places until about 11/12, but i would be doing away with the dummy round about now. It can affect their speach development, and teeth.

flimflammery · 01/09/2011 11:47

I used to be Mrs Judgey McJudgeypants about toddlers with dummies.... until it was my DD toddling about with one (originally just for getting to sleep, then also in the car/pushchair, then whenever she was grumpy and tired, you get the picture... until the dummy fairy visited).

MsGee · 01/09/2011 11:58

My DD is 3.5 and still takes teddy to nursery, I am dreading her starting school and not having it. Teddy goes everywhere with her (I have a stash of them at home, although a comment from someone made me wonder if I should have them stored in different places for safety - perhaps one in bank vault...). The day I found out mothercare had discontinued teddy is stil etched in my brain...

Anyway at 2.5 she had teddy and her dummy at nursery. We called up the Dummy Fairy on the phone a few months before she turned 3 who offered to trade the dummy (during the day) for a new scooter. DD accepted with such delight she flung a nasty dummy straight at DH, slapping him in the face with it. Never looked back. We had to enforce dropping the dummy at night just after she turned 3 and it only took a couple of nights.

Ditching the dummy was much, much easier than I had thought ... and this is with a girl who will scream for hours at night for a cuddle.

Pandemoniaa · 01/09/2011 12:19

DS2 was not impressed with me when, on coming home for university vacation, he discovered I'd somehow, permanently lost Rosie Rabbit. As he explained, it was the principle that counted, not that he needed Rosie, you understand...ahem!

As for dummies, I really didn't like them until I worked out that I could have endless sleepless nights with ds2 or be a little more realistic and less judgemental. He (literally) spat his dummy out at just over a year old and it was never replaced. My dgd was similarly unbothered about a dummy by 6 months old. However, my ddil remembers her mother saying that the dummy needed a rest during the day while she was at nursery and she was quite happy with this. Just before she started school the dummy fairy visited and she gave it up happily.

I think that with the imminent arrival of a baby brother, now would not be the time to try and make your DS give up these simple and comforting things. I cannot believe he is the only child at nursery without a comforting teddy or other soft toy and wonder whether the problem is much more in your DP's head.

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