AIBU at the age of 37 to want to be a rock star?

[alistron1]

Obviously I know it will never happen, but whereas other people dream about winning the lottery, having a new car or buying the house of their dreams... I dream about being the front woman of a band headlining at glastonbury

I do play in a duo with DP, but so far we've not been brave enough (or able to agree on a set list) to perform properly in public (only in front of friends/family)

I just want to be Robert Plant (but not if he's the one boffing liz jones)

My DP and kids think that I'm a saddo. And they are probably right

Flame me and make me bloody grow up.

Can I be the first one to date a footballer/divorce him and go to rehab?

He would play for Scunthorpe third team. He would not pay maintanance for our kids/I would go to my mums/I would be on the Jeremy Kyle show fighting with my SIL/BIL/FIL/MIL and dog.

at giyadas

I wonder when I'll get to return an OBE?

only if I can be the one to break down in front of Phil and Fern

With our first hefty royalties cheque, I shall buy a house with a room big enough for a private recording studio (then put a nice new fitted kitchen in it and an Aga)

Suncottage, you can keep your footballers. I'm going to date Jack White and make you all nervous about the formation of a new super duper super group incorporating band members drawn from the Daily Mail comments section. Our first track will be 'Too Much Too Young'

I'm getting full spread in O.K, alll about my rockstar woes, and i,m getting paid,

Ha, you cahs, edge me out of DVD would ya

[Goes all dreamy with the lyrics - It is 'orrible being in love when you're 42 and a half, got your picture some where it gives me a laff, you are bald and fat and over the hill and you have football scarf......]

Suncottage, you're burned out before we've even got on the road

I know we're not 27 anymore but one of us is actually going to have to tragically die, at the height of our success- you know that right?

Bagsie not be me.

Green yeah and we know why all surfaces had to be slanted in your new kitchen!

(heard she wanted glass worktops and straws everywhere, draw your own conclusions).

Pathan, not just the DVD's...during live shows your jazz hands will be behind the biggest amps in the world.

suncottage - that's now stuck in my head

Greeneyes, sadly I think we are going to have to kill suncottage or pathan for their own good

Pathan, that you know, is actual slander, it's well known that I'm a martyr to my sinuses.

no, cos then everyone will love her more. T'is always the way

Alistron I think you are right

I'm thinking a giant poster of their face, in B&W as a backdrop to the wembley stage. And a video montage, lots of laughing, home vids, behind the scenes stuff

alistron Giy*

Give the newcomers a try before we burst in and wow the world!

If we sacrifice pathan we can make a shitload of cash from the Jazz Hands merchandise. We wouldn't need to do a third album or anything

Pathan...would you like to come to my rock star mansion, take some drugs and go in my hot tub?!!

NO i wannna live forevvver but if i gotta go it has to be in The Chelsea Hotel

found with no knickers on but nice shoes, clutching The Hammers latest DVD,

OK?

I'm off to heatworld.com to decide who im going to have age inappropriate affairs with to scandalise the DM. perhaps the fig one from JLS.

Suncottage, would you like a drink of whisky and some of these totally harmless sleeping tablets that I have?

Seriously, it's for your own good. Daniel O-fecking-Donnell????

Pathan, I'll spring for a travel lodge and a free CD from the Daily Mail?

Aww no come on man, we're brothers. We have matching tattoos. Let them live

Remember what we used to say?

'in it together, Nice Ham forever. Word to yer mum'

Fame is overrated

There is nothing wrong with being a 37 year old rockstar but it's hard to start from here

But I wish you luck and lots of plastic surgery because apparently, that's required too