Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think you should NEVER trust a woman who doesnt have female friends?

191 replies

HallnotOates · 30/08/2011 11:12

and wonder how they have not accrued any in their life - or what they have done to them to piss them off - or why they can ONLY relate to men?

OP posts:
PeterSpanswick · 30/08/2011 16:24

My father always used to say if you could count your real friends on more than one hand then you had too many and I think he's right!

People who trot out that "women/men never like me" rubbish make me roll my eyes involuntarily. If you are convinced that roughly half of the population don't like you based on their gender then surely the problem is yours?

Similarly people who claim to "get on better with men/women grate on me. I always wonder what a penis/vagina contributes to a platonic friendship.

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 16:28

I think its the same as people that say all men/women are useless /cheats etc. They have obviously been very messed up by their past experiences which might not be their fault but its still dysfunctional thinking

takingbackmonday · 30/08/2011 16:31

No, I am like this. I have but small group of female friends but get on far better with men, have male housemates etc. I'm quite wary of girls after an all girls school where it was particularly bitchy/cliquey/all drama and emotions.

However, I am disgusted when I see women betray other women, especially their friends, which I've noticed is more frequent amongst women I know who happen to have lots of female friends.

wannaBe · 30/08/2011 16:35

surely you have to look at the differences here though.

There is a difference between someone who says that they simply don't have female friends, and someone who says that they choose not to be friends with women.

As far as I can see, no-one on this thread has said that they would dismiss a potential friend on the basis that person was a woman. Yet there are lots of people on this thread who say that they get on better with men than women because they find women to be bitchy/two-faced. It is surely no different to saying that you get on better with women than with men because you find men boring/don't have anything in common with them.

I have always had more male friends than female ones purely because I have always found men easier to talk to/many of the men I am friends with have mutual interests i.e. music etc (playing not listening). Thatis not to say I've never had female friends/that I would dismiss someone on the basis they're a woman. Of course I've had female friends, and I have many female aquaintences.

In terms of my opinion that women are bitchy, it is of course assumed here that people say that beause they have been bitched about/got at - not the case here. I've never actively fallen out with any of my friends or aquaintences - male or female. But I've been present in groups of women in the park/playground/pub/their houses where they have bitched about whoever isn't there that night/someone else/stoodd in little groups whispering to one another. Have they bitched about me? Possibly, but that is not the issue; the issue is that it is very common for groups of women to bitch to each other about each other and that is a trate I find really rather unpleasant.

Of course not all women are like that. And often women are not like that in isolation, it is when they get together that they seem to become like a pack.

And it starts young - you see it with little girls forming their little girly gangs and telling tales on each other - ganging up against each other. But apart from each other they're all lovely and most will grow into lovely women.

I wonder tbh whether it's more a case of rather than not wanting to have female friends, not wanting to be a part of the whole girly clique thing iyswim.

I do have female friends. But I do not wish to go out in large groups of women and be a part of the culture that sits in pubs/clubs/the playground/other womens' lounges bitching.

If that makes me weird then so be it.

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 16:43

wannabe - I think its strange tbh if your only experience of large groups of women is everyone bitching as that isnt my experience at all.

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 16:45

Also definitely not saw any girls in groups whispering to each other in little groups since I was about 14!

MillyR · 30/08/2011 16:47

Wannabe, I just hope that you are not the mother of a girl. What a sad and misanthropic way to look at the behaviour of half the population of the planet.

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 16:50

I agree MillyR I feel sorry for wannabe that her experiences have made her so jaded she has never known the joy of a group of women that will do anything for each other and help each other out. Stick by each other through thick and thin etc.

In my group of friends one friend had an illness and had to take 3 months off work everyone took it in turns to take her round cooked food such as lasange and cottage pie, tiided her home, looked after her children and did errands and luckily she is all better now. I have so many stories like that out of my group of friends I love them to bits

Bearskinwoolies · 30/08/2011 17:02

MillyR - my friend lives over 100 miles away, I see her maybe once every six months, and we catch up maybe weekly on facebook. OTOH, I work with my male friends everyday.

I have some female acquaintences who have no female friends by choice - they get on better with men than women.

Insomnia11 · 30/08/2011 17:03

I veer away from people who don't get on with a whole gender, yes.

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 30/08/2011 17:05

YANBU

They should all be burned at the stake... Like witches

Hth

noddyholder · 30/08/2011 17:06

I have a mixture although see the female ones more. My old male friends are nicer though Grin! I don't know if I would mistrust a female with few friends as you don't know the background but some women just don't do women friends iygwim. Strangely I am more relaxed with my male friends and can slob out no make up etc and am not as bothered and they never say Are you ill when you have no make up on! Women are more judgemental of each other but I am lucky to have fiercely loyal friends and can really rely on 3 or 4 of them. Would have had more males too I suppose if I hadn't slept with half of them in the 90s!Shock

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 17:14

Again noddy its weird you have to wear make up in front of your friends theydont sound like your friends a real group of female friends would see you just after birth, very ill, doing outdoor activities etc sweating buckets
and never comment. Where are you lot finding these people Shock

noddyholder · 30/08/2011 17:19

I don't have to! My friends have seen me through 2 transplants and cancer so they are real friends but we do tend to dress up more when together than I do with my male friends

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 17:24

With my friends we always look like tramps in the week as met lots of them in a caring profession so usually in tabards. Also made lots of friends in forces getting cs gassed with snot coming out my nose and covered in cam cream. Friends dont care about stuff like that ime and would never comment.

noddyholder · 30/08/2011 17:27

Different people then. We are all very up front with each other. You cannot define 'real' friends as just the type you have!

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 17:30

I would describe real friends as people that never bitched about each other, made disparaging remarks about each others appearance, or judged each other within the group but maybe I just have high standards. Surely they arent your friends otherwise Confused

noddyholder · 30/08/2011 17:31

Ok How do you know they don't bitch about you? I know mine don't because we all talk openly. I will happily say you look rough you old bag! But then I don't often look like a tramp so they notice if I do!

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2011 17:32

I love women. I prefer being friends with them, close friendships with women are the best relationships ever.

However I do find it a real struggle to get there. I do think that a lot of women for whatever reason are not very approachable. Once you have that click and a laugh its great but when you first meet I do find there is a lot of sizing up and suspicion. Makes me sad really. I have some great female mates but find it hard to make new ones.

I wouldn't mistrust someone who didn't have female friends but I would probably think she was a certain "type" who probably wouldn't be interested in being friends with me and I may not make the effort with her. Which is a bit rubbish really and something to think about.

carminagoesprimal · 30/08/2011 17:35

WannaBe - you're on mumsnet - mumsnet is 99% women!

I love my female friends - I can relate to them far better than I can with male friends ( obviously) and feel so much more relaxed in their company.
Oh - and men can be bitchy too you know.

jellybeans208 · 30/08/2011 17:36

I have never heard any of my friends say anything behind each others back about any of the others in all the years I have known them. Suppose its different people but I dont think my women friends are more judgemental and Im glad as I dont think its a good way to be personally.

noddyholder · 30/08/2011 17:38

Good for you Smile

SquidgyBiscuits · 30/08/2011 17:38

I have a few female acquaintances. I have many male friends. Not for any real reason, than that I generally tend to click more with the man of a couple than the woman. I love sports, cars, gambling, drinking, practical jokes, generally having a laugh etc. My male friends are more fun than their partners.

Itsjustafleshwound · 30/08/2011 17:38

I find it amazing that people can be judged on something so completely arbitrary - friends are friends regardless of what sex they are - and are vindicated for this discrimination!

Next topic, do women wearing short skirts and skimpy tops ask for IT!!

Cereal · 30/08/2011 17:45

I agree that gender shouldn't be important. But in that case, how many of us here can say that 50% of their platonic friends are male?

Swipe left for the next trending thread