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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you should NEVER trust a woman who doesnt have female friends?

191 replies

HallnotOates · 30/08/2011 11:12

and wonder how they have not accrued any in their life - or what they have done to them to piss them off - or why they can ONLY relate to men?

OP posts:
PeggyCarter · 30/08/2011 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GloriaVanderbilt · 30/08/2011 12:08

Maybe Pinot...maybe there are loads of us.

Meryl, I know - I mean most of the male friends I have are either in love with me or resisting my advances. It requires some suppression.

MerylStrop · 30/08/2011 12:14

Gloria, like Puddle (ok - you're not a misogynist, just your first post was a little tiny bit), I am simply reflecting upon what I have observed over the years and in probably hundreds of scenarios. But I am perfectly prepared to believe that it is not always the case.

HotChip · 30/08/2011 12:19

I don't really have any friends at all, but find men much easier to get along with than women.

I work in an all-female workplace and it's hideous. A couple of them are lovely, considerate and smart individuals, but as a group they're awful. I just stay well out of it.

NotJustKangaskhan · 30/08/2011 12:24

YABU, as there are far more reasons a woman may be isolated compared to a man. Women are more likely to move for their DP's jobs or immigrate to their DP's country rather than the other way around which increases the chances a woman will have no "old friends" as she drifts apart from those she knew before and struggle with isolation. Particularly if there is a culture gap and bad experiences to start with, it can be very wearing after a while to go 'make friends' as others would expect. Taking the easy route of trying to be content with DP's friends is very alluring after a while, especially if there is a lot of balls already being juggled (work/childcare/caring responsibilities).

Making new friends can be hard enough, being treated as untrustworthy would place an even harder burden on people. Talk about kicking about a person while they're down.

HengshanRoad · 30/08/2011 12:51

I'm a woman, and all my female friends are lesbians. What do you think of that?

motherinferior · 30/08/2011 12:56

Er...what are we supposed to think, HR? I think you're normal. Don't most women have quite a few lesbian friends? They do in my world, anyway.

I do get v sceptical about women who generalise that 'all women are bitches', for my part. Me, I think having a gang of friends - and definitely including women if not solely women - is very, very important.

HotChip · 30/08/2011 12:57

OP in answer to the issue of trustworthiness, you could trust me to look after something precious, or keep a secret. I would never set people against each other or fuck with their heads to make myself feel better. If I say I'll do something for you, I do it. And I try to conduct myself with consideration for others.

Are you assuming these women have no friends because they are untrustworthy?

I have no female friends because until now (in my 30s) I've rarely met a female that I click with.

Cereal · 30/08/2011 13:02

YABU.

There are a lot of women who are popular with other women, but untrustworthy - the gossipy, bitchy ones who form toxic crowds.

Some women find men easier to get on with, it doesn't make them untrustworthy!

PerryCombover · 30/08/2011 13:02

A woman without female friends has ishooos.
Snot right

Spuddybean · 30/08/2011 13:07

i don't have any female friends - in fact i have hardly any friends at all. Only 2 male ones.

I always had 3 very close female friends from primary school but one is now living with my exH and all the mutual friends sided with them. So i lost the lot in one go.

I never made any female friends at secondary school/uni/work i would love some but women just seem to dislike me at first sight.

I am currently temping in an office where i have smiled, enquired about weekends, tried to make nice conversations and all i get is silent treatment, laughing, in jokes and dirty looks. I just don't know what else to do.

This is the reason i come to MN, so i keep in touch with some other women at least in some form of contact.

FebreezeYourJeans · 30/08/2011 13:09

What an idiotic statement. 'Nuff said???

Valetude · 30/08/2011 13:11

I know a woman who goes through a 'cling/alienate' cycle with new women she meets, so has no female friends except the latest one she is obsessively clinging to. She has a male posse of undernourished computer geeks who are still single in their 30s and who are deeply confused by her behaviour about 70% of the time. They are too weak/clueless/nice to be ruthless and tell her to sod off or even just not reply to texts. They don't want her to be their friend.

She would say she has many more male friends than female because men are less bitch and more reliable. She (and I am only talking about her, not anyone who has said that) is quite deluded.

SarahStratton · 30/08/2011 13:20

I don't have any female friends. I guess I'm untrustworthy then. Although, personally I'd say I don't have any female friends because I've never met one who isn't a user/parasite/bitch in disguise.

PerryCombover · 30/08/2011 13:22

I'm surprised by how unwilling I am to make friends. I have three really good "bury a body for you" type friends
a few "drive the getaway car" type and all the rest are acquaintances

I don't have time otherwise and don't understand how anyone does once they add in all the planning of three children

Chocobo · 30/08/2011 13:23

So SarahStratton are you a user/parasite/bitch in disguise? You must be if you are a woman? Hmm

PerryCombover · 30/08/2011 13:23

Blardy hell SS that's awful that you feel like that

HeyYouJimmy · 30/08/2011 13:33

I have just 3 close female friends. I've been brought up with 5 brothers so I trust bloke more than women.

I think a woman with more male friends is more trustworthy because they seem to be more to the point and are therefore more likely to let you know where you stand.

Most of the other women I've met IRL are pass-remarkable, snide, bitchy and moany. I've only met a few who don't generally bitch and snipe about others and 2 of them have been my good friends for about 17yrs. The other I met 3 years ago when dropping DS off at nursery.

LadyBeagleEyes · 30/08/2011 13:33

I know MN is virtual and not real life but those that say they find all women bitchy, why do you come on a mostly female forum and chat to mostly females?
And yes there a few women on here that I would never want to know in rl but loads that I think are great company, and would make great friends.

2rebecca · 30/08/2011 13:34

I don't see why how many female friends you have should correlate at all with how trustworthy you are. It may correlate with how extrovert you are, how sociable you are or even how charming you are, but I see no reason why it should correlate with trustworthiness. I don't ask my accountant how many female friends she has and it would never occur to me to think she may be less trustworthy if she had none.
A mad thread.
Does being popular make you less intelligent perhaps? No sillier than the allegation suggested.

cuteboots · 30/08/2011 13:35

spuddybean- Thats really very sad and youre much better off not being friends with people like that.

Sarahstratton-very harsh words?!

Malificence · 30/08/2011 13:40

What does that make me then? I have no female or male friends (apart from DH and my BIL/FIL. Does that make me doubly untrustworthy? Hmm
Whoever thinks that men aren't bitchy or gossipy needs to work with them!
God, the tossers I work with are nice as pie to their colleagues' faces , then when one of them has a day off all they do is bitch about them, if not about how ugly the girlfriend is, it's how crap the car is or some such nonsense, when I worked in a group of only women, it was far less bitchy.

MumblingRagDoll · 30/08/2011 13:40

i have one close female friend...the reason is that ALL the others I have met have betrayed me in one way or another. I however am very honest.

Oakmaiden · 30/08/2011 13:41

Why shouldn't you trust them? What exactly about them makes you think they are untrustworthy, and in what context?

Would you not trust them with money? To keep your secrets? To not steal your man?

I think the question is so vague it is OBVIOUSLY unreasonable. Unless you would like to be more specific about what areas exactly you feel they would be less trustworthy in, and why having no female friends is relevant to that...?

PrincessFiorimonde · 30/08/2011 13:46

SarahStratton, that's really sad. But I do agree with Chocobo's posts on this thread. Please don't write off all women because you have had nasty experiences with some. And, assuming you are a woman, don't you think you would make a good friend?

I don't have many close friends (male or female). But those I do have (of both varieties), I love very much.

Oh, and I'm hoping that Sofabitch's post was a joke.