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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Did god spinkle dust on your belly??' NO! Really stuck please help

144 replies

RueyBoey · 27/08/2011 13:49

Umm NO!!

our DN (on of DH sister's daughter) is staying with us for about a week while SIL is in hospital.
She is obsessed with my baby bump and last night said to me at bed time (v.sleepily) 'Aunty Ruey you must be very happy that god put baby in your belly'
I didn't know what to say, but luckily she was very tired so I didn't say anything.
This morning she was in our room while I was getting dressed and after poking (gently) my bump she said, 'Did god spinkle dust on your belly to get the baby in there like he did for my mummy?'
I was stuck dumb (DH came in and has taken her to work so I didn't have time to reply)
She's 4 and me and DH don't really want to phone up SIL to say anything to her while she is in hospital.

I'm sure it'll come up again.

So what do we say/do???

OP posts:

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 16:10

10 year old talking about baby dust and storks then I would be don't know how Id approach it though.

southmum · 27/08/2011 16:11

Forgot to add unless of course the parents have told the child otherwise, for whatever reason.....

RunAwayWife · 27/08/2011 16:13

Shocking you must educate her at once, give her a copy of Richard Dawkins The God delusion and DVD of Debbie does Dallas at once, can't have children being innocent or believing in God now can we!!!!!

eurochick · 27/08/2011 16:17

I find it quite puke inducing and it is not what I would choose to tell her if she were my child. But she's not. Her mother is and it is presumably her that has told her this twaddle. You're just minding her for a couple of days, not bring her up so just gloss over it and leave you SIL to choose when she gets to know the facts of life.

WidowWadman · 27/08/2011 16:22

southmum - but you can't really control when or whether your children hear about different beliefs, e.g. through other children they meet in parks, nurseries, playgroups. If you choose to tell your children things as absolute truths, sooner or later they will find out that not everyone shares these beliefs, at which point you shouldn't be surprised if they started doubting you. But it's not the fault of those who don't join into your story, because they believe in something else, it's your own fault for selling your story as the absolute truth.

Also, if you don't even believe in god or heaven yourself, I can even less understand why you would want to tell children about them as if they were real.

AndiMac · 27/08/2011 16:24

How does knowing that Mummys and Daddys are the ones who make babies, not "God dust" mean children aren't innocent?

The way people here are talking throwing around words like innocent is obviously getting me slightly worked up. It sounds like you would deem any chid of that age with a bit of understanding of the reproduction process as having been corrupted, if the opposite is innocent.

I'm going to leave off with my original advice. Don't condone a story you aren't comfortable with, but don't go too much into ruining what someone else has (possibly) told their child.

southmum · 27/08/2011 16:31

No thats true Widow, but its not another adults place to 'correct' what a parent has told their child. If I tell my 4 yo that the stork brings babies (I wont be doing btw), its a risk that he will find out from another child granted and thats something Id have to handle in my own way as the parent. What wouldnt be on on is another adult telling my 4yo that what I have said is bollocks just because they cant keep their beaks out and simply have to correct the CHILD.

Another child cant understand the concept of tact and boundaries in these situations, Id like to think that an adult can (or maybe not, going off this thread)

FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 16:32

I'm astonished at how mean people have been to you, OP, for asking a perfectly reasonable question.

Personally I'd probably try to reflect her questions back to her... e.g.
'Did god spinkle dust on your belly to get the baby in there like he did for my mummy?'
'Oh my goodness, is that what happened for your mummy?! Wasn't she lucky then?!' Distract with an excited tone, derail line of questioning kind of thing. Or
'What a lovely idea that is; what colour was the dust, do you think?'

If she persists, or asks directly where babies come from, you could say
'Well now that is a special thing, and every mummy likes to explain it to their child in their own way. Let's wait and ask mummy when she's home again, shall we? Now would you like to watch a dvd/have a cupcake/pull the whiskers off the cat?' (delete diverting activity as appropriate)

I've always been completely open with DD about biological facts, and I really don't understand why anyone wouldn't be (and what's with calling a penis a winkie? ), but each to their own, and I don't think you will be favourite SIL if you disabuse DN of this bizarre notion. Best to distract distract distract. Good luck!

DoMeDon · 27/08/2011 16:35

'Did God spinkle dust on your belly?' 'No'

That would be my answer. Never heard such a load of old parp in my life.

FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 16:35

And to those of you who are arguing (quite aggressively in some cases) that a child knowing how the human body works, and that a baby is created by the coming together of egg and sperm, in some way corrupts their innocence; I think you are absolutely barking.

WidowWadman · 27/08/2011 16:37

southmum well, I think too, that an adult shouldn't go out of their way to tell the child that their parents were talking bollocks, but you can't expect them to confirm your stories either.

I'd probably go with the 'smile and nod' routine, but if the child asked me for confirmation outright, I probably wouldn't go further than saying "that's what some people believe", I don't think I could bring myself to confirm that something was true which in my opinion blatantly wasn't.

southmum · 27/08/2011 16:38

Figs - my mum said its a winkie so thats what I call it

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 27/08/2011 16:38

she said, 'Did god spinkle dust on your belly to get the baby in there like he did for my mummy?'

People are saying that you should not lie to children if they ask you a direct question. To me, this is chit chat not a direct, 'tell me the truth please, I deserve to know whether what I have been told is factually accurate' type question.

If you had stockings in your living room on Christmas morning and a child said to you, 'Did FC come here like he did to our house last night?' how many of you would say, 'Actually no, I just pretend, he is not real'?

You do not believe or agree with what the child has been told. But it is not your place to decide how much she should be told and how to go about it. Agree with all the posters who say it is like FC/hamster going to heaven. A little white lie. DEF not worth disturbing your SIL in hospital for. Just be vague and distract her with something else.

WidowWadman · 27/08/2011 16:39

Another thing southmum - what if the other adult's child is present, who already learnt from the other adult that it's not fairy dust - would you then expect the adult to row back from what they told their own child in order to preserve your child's faith in you?

southmum · 27/08/2011 16:40

Widow thats what I have been saying, I wouldnt expect another adult to go out of their way to rubbish what I have told my kids and from the start I have said the Smile and Nod approach is probably best all round

DoMeDon · 27/08/2011 16:43

'Did FC come to your house last night' - 'No'

It is not the same as me saying no he doesn't exist or no God didn't spinkle dust on your mum's belly - it's just no not here.

If you want to tell your DC a load of old bollocks that's your choice but be realistic enough to know other people won't blindly trot out the same shite.

I wouldn't dispell any myths or say it's a lie but I won't lie myself.

southmum · 27/08/2011 16:47

Widow - No I wouldnt expect a row over that, it would be a bit petty if it turned into one tbh

I think Id expect a change of subject, then both of us to go on our way and depending on my kids reaction and age and personailty Id either go with the "well thats how MY baby got in here" (if my child was distraught over what they had heard) or the "people believe in different things" if it seemed that my kid was going to handle it pretty well.

Disclaimer - I really dont think any kid would be distraught if it was about where babies come from, I am still thinking about the death situation as an example

FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 16:49

Southmum... you know you're old enough to call it by its proper name now, and noone will tell you off?

I've always taught DD the proper biological names for everything, but a boy at school calls his testicles 'biscuits', so now DD bandies this around with undisguised glee. That's a far naughtier term than testicles, as far as she's concerned.

Birdsgottafly · 27/08/2011 16:52

For all we know the mother could have told the child that everything is going to be fine (re hospital) because she has been sprinkled with fairy dust from God. Why put any doubt in the childs mind whilst the mother is in hospital?

I also told my DD's the age appropriate truth but i wouldn't question another parents right to gloss over the facts whilst their DC is 4 and under, especially as it is probably a worrying time.

OP the fact that you are a MW has no bearing on the information that you should or not give, she isn't asking you for your professional opinion, she is making chit chat to make sense of things in her mind, as young children do.

I think that all DC's should be told basic stuff to protect them from abuse, but this isn't the time to 'tread on the mothers toes'.

southmum · 27/08/2011 16:53

Figs, I usually call it a cock but in the context (talking about a 4 yo on his journey of self discovery) use of winkie / weenie seemed more appropriate

I had a friend who called her fanny her "moomoo" until she was about 13

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 16:53

biscuits

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 16:55

agree birdsgottafly you don't know the circumstances around it, and the childs level of understanding.

FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 17:05

southmum Fair point! A dear friend of mine calls hers her 'foofy'!

acsec · 27/08/2011 17:09

I think just smile and nod if you don't agree with what her mother has told her, but it's not your place to enlighten her. I personally think it's quite sweet that that is what she thinks :)

CustardCake · 27/08/2011 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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