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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Did god spinkle dust on your belly??' NO! Really stuck please help

144 replies

RueyBoey · 27/08/2011 13:49

Umm NO!!

our DN (on of DH sister's daughter) is staying with us for about a week while SIL is in hospital.
She is obsessed with my baby bump and last night said to me at bed time (v.sleepily) 'Aunty Ruey you must be very happy that god put baby in your belly'
I didn't know what to say, but luckily she was very tired so I didn't say anything.
This morning she was in our room while I was getting dressed and after poking (gently) my bump she said, 'Did god spinkle dust on your belly to get the baby in there like he did for my mummy?'
I was stuck dumb (DH came in and has taken her to work so I didn't have time to reply)
She's 4 and me and DH don't really want to phone up SIL to say anything to her while she is in hospital.

I'm sure it'll come up again.

So what do we say/do???

OP posts:
southmum · 27/08/2011 14:14

just smile and nod. Shes 4 and its not your place to 'do' anything

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 14:15

Just nod and smile

What her parents tell her is up to them

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/08/2011 14:15

You stated that looking after someone's young child for a week while they are in hospital gave you the right to decide how and what that child was told about fairly major issues. That's silly Hmm

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 14:18

Whats the big fuss, that is really sweet. My mum said something similar to me when I was 5 and asked where babies come from. Did not mean I was clueless later on as to where babies came from and about sex. Some people just want to leave the truth until the child is older, she is only 4 only little, mabey they just want to wait.

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 14:20

No greensleves op should not tell the little girl the truth, it is not her place, she should not take that decision out of the parents hands. They might prefer her to know later on, she is only 4 not 14 fgs leave her be for a little longer.

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 14:21

My Mum told us the Midwife brought the babies to our house.

Every time my eldest brother saw her cycling down the road..with her little wicker basket on the front of her bike.. he used to run in and lock the door Grin

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 14:24

why are you so shocked op, its endearing hearing the innocence of little children!

BalloonSlayer · 27/08/2011 14:26

Suggest a nice smile and "all babies get inside mummies in much the same way, sweetheart" then change subject.

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 14:27

Thank goodness my 4.5 year old (SN) has not asked she would not understand however simplified I made it. I will tell her when she .asks, well I am pg with dc 2 and she is not really that interested tbh. She just knows that there is a baby in mummies tummy, she does not ask how it got there.

Greensleeves · 27/08/2011 14:27

yes I did - and you disagree - but I don't see the need for personal insults

and I often see the need for personal insults Grin

I wouldn't expect my friends to lie to my children if they didn't feel comfortable doing so. Accordingly I am careful about who I leave my children with. MIL, for example, is a devout Catholic who has some ideas I consider very outlandish. I am careful about her interactions with our children (although they have a great relationship and I am really fond of her).

southmum · 27/08/2011 14:29

Greensleeves is it not silly to be sooooo uptight about letting a 4 yo believe what she has been told that you would simply have to tell her the truth?

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 14:30

I wouldn't expect my friends to lie to my children if they didn't feel comfortable doing so

But surely that depends on what they ask?

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 14:30

Well its up to the parents how they tell their children. Mabey the mum had no other option but to ask OP to look after her child as she had to go into hospital. The op is not lying to the child, just changing the subject should be enough and leave it up to the parent how they parent their child.

southmum · 27/08/2011 14:31

I dont think that smiling and saying "umm" is lying in this situation, its really no-one elses place to have a discussion of this nature with someone elses child and Id be furious

Greensleeves · 27/08/2011 14:31

clearly I don't think my view is silly, no

but I don't consider myself uptight either - I think it is much more uptight to avoid engaging honestly with a questioning child for fear of spoiling its "innocence"

it's daft prudish myths and hang-ups about sex/reproduction that damage children's innocence IMO, not the plain old truth.

pigletmania · 27/08/2011 14:31

She is only 4 fgs, not 14!

southmum · 27/08/2011 14:31

.....if anyone did with mine (posted too soon gah!)

WidowWadman · 27/08/2011 14:32

I can't see the OP being shocked, just quite validly asking how to deal with it. I don't think it's so much about sex/where babies come from, but about religion and the child being brought up to believe in God while the OP doesn't. You can't really do the "You and your parents believe this, but I don't" line with a 4yo, surely?

AndiMac · 27/08/2011 14:33

I can understand the OP's discomfort with the lying about where babies come from. If it was me, I probably would have said either a simple version of the truth without even thinking about it messing with what SIL had said, as I'm mouth-before-brain like that sometime. If I did take into consideration what DN had been told, I would probably deflect it off with a comment like, "Well, that's a nice way to think of it, but it's not exactly how it happened." If there were follow-up questions, I would tell her to ask her parents, as they would be good people to ask for the answer.

I have a 4 year old and have answered her questions honestly, but if I put some thought into it, (rather than my normal answer first, think later method) I probably wouldn't want to tread too much on what someone else had told their child. On the other hand, I wouldn't support the fibs either, just not blurt out the truth.

Greensleeves · 27/08/2011 14:34

most 4yos CAN understand that people have differing beliefs

and they should grow up knowing that from the outset IMO - best way to avoid intolerance/fear of otherness in the long-term

hence the fact that some of us are disagreeing in a calm and respectful manner, and others are hurling insults and getting angry Grin

cees · 27/08/2011 14:35

I wouldn't stress about it, it really isn't a big deal. But you could turn it into one if you start explianing the facts of life with a 4yr old who isn't yours. The easiest thing to do here is say 'yes dear' and let her get on with being a child without making this into a big issue.

southmum · 27/08/2011 14:35

for me its not about protecting the childs innocence at all, its simply about boundaries that are not ok to cross with someone elses FOUR year old.

Greensleeves · 27/08/2011 14:38

people are making much of the fact that the child is four

but she is old enough to want to know the answers to her questions

and reproduction isn't frightening, or dirty - it's fascinating

I don't think a child - even a four-year-old one - is the intellectual and spiritual property of her parents. There's no such thing as a Christian baby IMO, for example. I don't see it as trespassing for an adult to give an honest answer to an honest question, as long as the answer is given in a sensitive and age-appropriate way. My children knew about sex younger than 4 - they weren't robbed of their innocence.

WidowWadman · 27/08/2011 14:39

Greensleeves - I think I was being unclear - we're bringing our children up with the different people belief different things line. However if another child at age 4 is not being brought up that way, but to believe that the fairy dust sprinkling god is true, then it's harder to say "yeah, that's what your mum believes", isn't it?

southmum · 27/08/2011 14:39

So you would happily tell someone elses 4 yo that Father Christmas doesnt exist??