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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

help and advice

206 replies

FondantFancie · 26/08/2011 11:26

My husband thinks he is entitled to half my child tax credits. We have three children together which we share contact exactly half and half. we have been separated for 3 years now. I have just recently had a new baby so am not working and just claiming the benefits I am entitled to. He is a full time teacher.

He feels that he is entitled to the tax credit money while I do not as he is working. He puts the children into childcare which costs him a lot each month. He claims not to have any money to spend on himself or the children. What should I do?

OP posts:

IRCL · 27/08/2011 14:25

Duh? Really?

Yes because jobs are so easy to come by, the fact is they share the care yet she keeps the full CTC. That is for the children not for her. Hence Child in the name.

If you do not know about their marriage then why even say he should not of allowed their marriage to crumble in the first place? Bit of an odd thing to say.

tabulahrasa · 27/08/2011 14:27

She only has them 3 nights a week so he should be the one claiming tax credits anyway.

She's at home on benefits because she's had a baby with somebody else, letting him claim tax credits for their three children will only affect the tax credits she gets for those children, she'd still be entitled to claim for the baby and all her other benefits would be unaffected.

He can't claim for them because she is saying she's the main carer when she's not - and she's not the main carer because she moved 30 miles away from their school, didn't change their school and refuses to collect them from their new one. But you can only claim once for each child, so even though he has them more than she does, she's still claiming to be the main carer and that makes him unable to claim tax credits for them.

It seems pretty obvious to me that she should just admit that he is the main carer and let him claim for the children in his own right.

ballstoit · 27/08/2011 14:27

pickgo it's laughable that you have come on with your 'expert' advice, particularly as you're wrong. The op's ex can't claim TC because the op is claiming for the children and they can't be on 2 claims. If the op was fair enough to let him include one or both of the younger children on his claim, he would be entitled to claim WTC and CTC for that/those children.

As it is, the op is selfishly keeping all the CHILDREN'S money, even though she only feeds them, clothes them, washes for them etc for half the week. She is selfish enough to disrupt her children's routine in order to keep that money, whether by changing their childcare to a grandparent or moving away so she doesnt have to collect them from school.

It's not the ex's fault that OP has had another baby (whose father presumably is exempt from financial or physical care for the new baby?), nor that she moved away. And since when is it one persons responsibility to hold a relationship together? The responsibility is to be a decent parent...something the op seems to struggle with (cant travel to collect DC, cant contribute any of the money she is paid for them towards their care). How lovely for the op to have one baby to look after for half the week, with 4 children's money to spend on it.

tiredgranny · 27/08/2011 14:30

if she is a lone parent on benefits she will be only recieving child tax credits if she is not working she is not entitled to working tax credit
this tax year the thresholds have been drastically reduced as her ex is working full time he would not get much help with childcare costs
child tax credits has replaced income support for chidren but to recieve working tax credits u have to be in employmentthere r 2 elements to tax credits 3 if u include child care
her rent is not cheaper because the kids only live there part time

MugglesandLuna · 27/08/2011 14:31

The benefits are not provided for the OP to top up her income, they are provided for whoever is looking after the children. If that is split 50/50 then the money should be too.

pickgo · 27/08/2011 14:38

I thnik there's a fair bit of mysoginistic judgements going on here.

He is in full-time work ffs. If he can't afford childcare there are plenty of other options - more work, less hours, less contact, reduce other living costs, take a loan, get a lodger etc etc.

BUT surely the option pursued should not be 'I know I'll make it my XW's problem. She's just had a baby and is living on benefit but even so I'll make it her problem to sort out'. Get real.

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:42

Pickgo - he is entitled to tax credits but cannot apply despite being the main carer as his ex has already claimed for their children. He is therefore not getting what he is allowed under the benefits system and the ex is getting too much. Hardly rocket science

tabulahrasa · 27/08/2011 14:44

mysogonistic? rofl

Nope, if he had them 3 days a week while she had them 4 days a week - I'd be saying it was her that was entitled to them.

The fact that she's at home on benefits and won't even take her children to and from school while he works as well as doing that just makes it seem more unfair - but the fact of it is that it's really all quite irrelevant as he is the main carer and he should be claiming the tax credits.

tiredgranny · 27/08/2011 14:45

y has he put up with it for 3 years then decided he is entitled 2 money if they were still together they would be exsisting on his wage if she was not declaring wages she still would not get working tax credit

pickgo · 27/08/2011 14:49

WHERE does OP say it's 3/4? I've looked but can't find it? Only that it's 50/50.

Even NQT's earn £20k plus - so well over the TC threshold. He might get childcare but then she'd lose all the TC she needs for when the DC are with her. This is a question of him feeling entitled per se.

The OP is living on benefit (no fun, as anyone who's done it knows) - but he expects her to subsidise his ability to be a parent?

Of course, he couldn't possibly be expected to make the same hard choices everyone else has to could he? Eg OP has gone on benefit to look after her baby.

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:52

What on earth has it got to do with him that she cant work because she has a baby? It's a really reflection of society when people are criticised for working.

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:52

sad reflection

pickgo · 27/08/2011 14:53

Exactly. What on earth has it got to do with her that HE can't work?

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:55

Perhaps you could read the father's viewpoint on the earlier link?

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:56

erm because he needs to pay for childcare for her kids and he cannot claim teh help towards this he is entitled to because she is...
Despite the fact she chooses not to work she still isnt doing pickup as she moved too far away. She is being paid by the state to be a full time sahp yet isnt actually doing full time care.

pickgo · 27/08/2011 14:57

What link?

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:57

Cant believe I am saying this but if he doesnt ahve the same choices that she does if he gave up work like she has. He cannot claim any benefits for having children like she can.

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 14:58

Have your read the thread?

IRCL · 27/08/2011 14:58

The point still remains, CTC is for the main carer if it is split exactly then the money should be split. They both have an income, the difference is one works for theirs.

pickgo · 27/08/2011 14:59

Can you post the link you refer to please?

IRCL · 27/08/2011 15:02

community.tes.co.uk/forums/t/513798.aspx

Think that was it, it was posted on Page 1 of the thread.

pickgo · 27/08/2011 15:02

If she gives part of her income to him then she won't have an adequate income will she? (not that benefits provide anything like an adequate income anyway)

Fact is, he can't afford such a high level of contact in his present arrangements. So HE has to decide what to do about it, not rely on an XW on benefit with a baby to sort it out for him.

IRCL · 27/08/2011 15:02

And I clearly cannot post links.

tabulahrasa · 27/08/2011 15:04

'This is a question of him feeling entitled per se.'

But he is entitled - to Children's tax credits, he has them more than her, so he is the main carer and should be the one claiming tax credits for them.

Neither of them is entitled to working tax credits, he makes too much, she's not working. It's only children's tax credits and if he has the children, he should be getting them.

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2011 15:04

Perhaps as she is being paid by the state to be a full time parent she could do the childcare for him. Cant believe it is seen as acceptable that he should give up work to go on benefits or cut down his contact.

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