to think it's not "men" who are the problem...

[TheFlyingOnion]

inspired by many threads recently, but mostly in the "Relationships" topic...

I read so many statements along the lines of "men always put themselves first", "what do you expect, men always want...." etc etc.

AIBU to think its not MEN that are the problem, its THIS man! MEN don't always put themselves first, THIS man is putting himself first, MEN don't always leave the children stuff to the wives, THIS man does!!

If any man ever wrote "oh, women ALWAYS etc etc" I think we would be up in arms, no?

Let's get some perspective and admit that SOME men are wrong un's but this does not mean that ALL men should be tarred with the same brush.

I think I'm probably not BU, but I will ask anyway, AIBU?

Of course not. I've never read so many sexist comments about men as I have on MN.

YANBU, you are right it is 'this' man etc

but...

I also see plenty of people say 'some' men or 'this' man rather than indicating it is ALL men.

Best you dont venture onto the feminist board

I try to totally avoid it, squeaky....

YANBU.

I fucking HATE it.

YANBU... I feel very defensive of 'my' man and many others at times, but on certain threads spouting on about how fab 'my' man is would just get me shot!

Some men are knobbers, but in my 37 years the ratio of men knobbers to women knobbers about evens itself out.

I agree. I also find it depressing how many women enable their man to be a complete tosser.

YANBU. But the vast majority of MNers are women. It's in the nature of majority groups to generalise about minority groups - however much we're told that stereotyping is bad and wrong. So it's not going to stop happening.

Actually you'll find the feminists saying the opposite. Feminists don't believe that men are inherently incapable of caring for children or doing the housework, though they believe that society still actively encourages the idea that most men don't (see for a laugh about it) , which in turn leads to some men conforming to the stereotype. Feminists believe that with biological exceptions such as pregnancy, men and women are equally as capable and society should change more to allow personality and skills to affect what you do more than your gender.

Spoons You're right - if there's a problem it's exactly that. If 'All men' are inconsiderate knobbers who never leave the loo seat down, put things away, wash up or treat their partners with courtesy then it's incumbent on women to tolerate that kind of behaviour.

And my sons will be men soon enough. They are more than capable of not being cunts.

I agree with Sunshineandbooks - it's anti-feminist to claim that men aren't able to do housewify things so gosh we better take care of them.

The 'hotel, wedding and baby' thread is annoying me for this reason. DH is perfectly capable of organising something like that, most the men I know are, but if they aren't the main carer of the DCs they need to have the information about what the DC can cope with/need from the person who is in order to organise things correctly. It's no good giving someone half the story and then being annoyed that they are 'useless' at organising stuff.

And shock....sometimes it's the woman who is the problem.

Well said OP. I really hate those comments ... especially people who talk about men/ their husbands as if they're all a bit dim and can't possibly cope doing whatever it is!

I've never read so many sexist comments about men as I have on MN

this ^

sometimes i crease up at the blatant double standards

yy LRD. That really grinds my gears, all that " aren't men DAFT! ha ha!"

NO. Fuck off.

YANBU, I find this stereotyping quite annoying. I can understand that sometimes people are upset and angry with their partners and need to vent (and MN is mostly women, and most women have male partners) but there's no need to insult an entire gender just because your husband is a bit useless or has done something awful.

I do agree that you'll find less of this sort of thing on the feminist board than elsewhere, counter-intuitive as that may seem. Not saying you don't get the occasional stereotypical man-hater, but generally it's not like that.

YANBU. MN is extremely sexist sometimes.

correction MN users are extremely sexist sometimes.

Plus, I don't think it is 'smug' at all to say you don't know men like that, or the men you know are not a like-minded mass of incompetents ... much better to challenge crappy remarks and if other people think you sound smug, so be it. TBH I don't see what's 'smug' about saying my DH is a normal, capable human being - it's not as if I'm taking any credit for him being that way, he just is.

Yes silly to generalise. It's all that men are from mars idiocy and the rules etc. Not that I've read either.

I don't think the feminists are more guilty of this, probably less. As they are less likely to rely on this sort of extreme divide.

I'm with sunshineandbooks too. Feminism is about believing men and women are equal - from their ability to deal with housework/kids to their ability to not be cunts.