to think it's not "men" who are the problem...

[TheFlyingOnion]

inspired by many threads recently, but mostly in the "Relationships" topic...

I read so many statements along the lines of "men always put themselves first", "what do you expect, men always want...." etc etc.

AIBU to think its not MEN that are the problem, its THIS man! MEN don't always put themselves first, THIS man is putting himself first, MEN don't always leave the children stuff to the wives, THIS man does!!

If any man ever wrote "oh, women ALWAYS etc etc" I think we would be up in arms, no?

Let's get some perspective and admit that SOME men are wrong un's but this does not mean that ALL men should be tarred with the same brush.

I think I'm probably not BU, but I will ask anyway, AIBU?

It's womens' enablement of pathetic men that grieves me the most, the placid acceptance of "well, what do expect, he's a man, thats what men are".
It's an illusion of power, they get stuck with all the shit work and then feel smug because they do it "better". Bonkers.

I think a lot of men have their confidence undermined by some women too.

Just because a man cleans/cooks/irons etc...in a different way to them, doesn't make it the wrong way.

Yet so often I hear women moaning that "He doesn't do it right"

I suppose if I were constantly told I was doing something wrong and undermined all the time, I'd stop doing it too.

My mil and aunties often say that they cant go away to visit family abroad because they cant trust their dh to fed themselves and manage the kitchen.

The irony is that they were all in catering bussiness . They cooked daily hundrends dishes, several pots and grills at once, served 500 customers by currying 5 dishes on each hand, washed piles of dishes and cleaned commercial kitchens in 5 min. But their wives insists that if they leave them alone for 3 days they will die from starvation.

I've actually seen a lot more recently that if posters make stupid generalisations they do get picked up on it and corrected.

Laquitar I once went out for the day with my old Aunt who spent the entire time worrying that she'd forgotten to leave a clean tea towel in the kitchen for when her husband got up (night shift) to eat his dinner.

The daft thing was, he wouldn't have known what a tea towel was for if it jumped up and bit him on the arse

Soooo glad I found this thread! Only joined MN last week and had pretty much decided to unsubscribe after reading so may posts being rude to men. Having been through the family courts several times in the past 3 years in both my own divorce and that of my partner's, it seemed to me that this view that 'men can't cope' or 'men shouldn't be allowed to raise their own children' is almost inherent in society now. Thankfully the comments on here are reassuring me that there is some sanity left!!

yanbu and I love you for saying it

YANBU and I am pleased to see so many agreeing with this! I am the very proud Mum to three sons and also have a bloody spectacular DH. I LOVE men and hate it when they are tarred with the same brush. Tis lazy sexism, is all.

Love you Onion!

Please stick around Mummy2May, there's lots of good stuff on here too...

See, I've escaped all this tripe by being gay. In our house, the person that can do it best gets on with it. Not because the other person can't, but because the divide of work is allocated to who prefers it. I love cooking, therefore I do the shopping and cooking. When I am away with work, DP shops and cooks. I hate gardening, so DP does it all. If she couldn't, I would get on with it.
The one thing that amuses me A LOT is that people still think we fall into stereotypical roles. DP is very girly looking, so people assume she's the wife. Oh how sadly mistaken can you get.

no snog for me!!!± now I will start a thread about that lol

I love men, have 2 in the house and love them,

But the point Gay40, is surely that all sane people should divide the work up in the same way, whether gay/straight/blue in the face?

Funny how people still want to cram a relationship into these old fashioned gender stereotypes even when the two people are the same gender!

there was a snog 2shoes! There!

I live in a house of men too and love it!
I get rather cross that anytime there is any advice for boys there is an immediate chorus of 'not fair-why not girls too?' and yet advice for just girls is allowed without complaint.

TFO, some people are nigh on obsessed with making us fit the stereotypes. We've had everything from "so, who is the man?" to "can you not fix your own car".
You are right btw - it should make NO difference.

Those (thankfully few!) who choose to be abusive and lazy are solely and entirely to blame

agree and those who allow themselves to be treated like shit are entirely to blame

took me a while but i now realise you cant change someone else, you can only change you

OP YANBU
I am a mum to 2 boys and DH is a SAHD ( the kid's will starve and the house will fall down because I am not there to supervise ).

Whilst I don't necessarily find DH doing the ironing a turn on; I would find him lounging on the sofa whilst I ran around doing all the housework a distinct turn off.

I don't think you can generalise about 3bn people so I think the "all men" or "all women" comments are pointless.

I'd never choose a partner because of their house cleaning abilities. But if they thought it was my job, they'd be shown the door sharpish.

I think there is a big difference, wiz, between someone being abusive, and someone just being lazy/sidelined.

Obviously, the victim is not to blame for her partner being abusive. I think where people are saying that the female partner is to blame for him being uselss is in the kind of cases where he leaves a load of wet towels on the bed and she just clucks and cleans it up for him, rather than strangling him with them making him do it himself.

Also, I don't think anyone is actually saying they chose their partner for his/her house cleaning abilities. :o But it all comes as a package, doesn't it? For me, it's a question of respect. Other women obviously have other criteria for choosing partners and fair enough.