Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want this cat? I think DH is being vvvu.

163 replies

BerylStreep · 25/08/2011 22:33

Me & DH have agreed to get a cat, now that our DC are at an age where they can respect an animal and hopefully won't torture it.

I absolutely adore devon rexes - mainly for their huge affectionate personalities, but I also find their looks exotic yet sweet at the same time. They also have the benefit of not shedding too much.

DH, who knows nothing about cats, has refused to let me get one, saying they look like gremlins and are 'freaks of nature'.

I am really upset about his dismissive and judgmental attitude. So what if the cat looks different? It will still make a wonderful family pet - more so because they love human company. My response to him is how would he have reacted if one of our children didn't have conventional looks - he would be devastated to hear anyone making such unkind remarks.

I know it seems irrational, but I really, really want one of these cats. I am also really upset that DH is vetoing the cat based only on looks.

OP posts:
AmyStake · 27/08/2011 00:46

Cute cat, but I would say be aware that anything that has a specific breed look to it, like a Rex, will be at a much greater risk of being stolen than a moggy should you let it out :(.

I live near the most adorable singapura who is allowed to come and go as she pleases, she is absolutely beautiful, but if I had a cat like that she would not be allowed out, and that in my opinion is cruel.

Original poster
BerylStreep · 27/08/2011 22:10

Thanks for all the responses, whether they be reasoned or slightly hysterical.

I'm glad that some people find devon rex sweet - they are gorgeous (IMHO).

Having listened to people's experience of other breeds, I think I could be open to Siamese, Burmese, Tonks, Cornish Rex or Abyssinians - although my favourite is still the poor old, much maligned devon. If people think that I am into 'posh cats' then so be it - I love the exotic looks and talkative personalities. (I'm not sure in what other way my lifestyle could be described as 'designer' though!)

I appreciate the comments about rescue cats, and as I have already said, I am happy to re-home an older cat. However, I'm not convinced by the argument that me buying (or re-homing) a pure-breed is going to single-handedly be responsible for the euthanasia of thousands of cats. Yes, it's horrible that there are so many unwanted cats, but responsibility for that needs to lie with those who don't neuter or care for their pets, not for the small number of individuals who buy / obtain a neutered pure-breed. I suppose it is true to an extent that having pure-breeds encourages unscrupulous breeders, but there are many small family breeders who only do so for the love of the breed, - no-one wants to get a cat from a kitten farm!

Finally, DH is completely aware and happy that I have posted about this on MN, and has been really interested to hear about the responses. Foot stamping, scowling and breath-holding is unlikely to be required!

I will let you know how I get on with my cat hunt - it is a long-term commitment, so I am in no rush.

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 27/08/2011 22:24

Aw, go for a wee rescue... Good luck.

Glimmerberry · 27/08/2011 22:30

Good for you. Pets are a big commitment and putting a bit of thought into it whether it's choosing a small breeder of any animal/ any breed that'll suit your family or taking time to talk to folk at the rescue centre is the sensible thing to do. Rushing into it from either approach wouldn't be good. At the end of the day they all generate vet bills, scratch the sofa and fill the litter tray just as your MIL arrives; you've got to be prepared for the good and bad!

And if you need any more persuading to get an Aby instead (!), here's a wee link for you:

www.petmedsonline.org/top-10-friendliest-cats.html

issey6cats · 27/08/2011 23:28

just thought i would let you know what rescues face, the day before yesterday haworth took in to the center an adult cat and wait for it 23 kittens of different ages that were dumped in a field in cages all together, two of the kits died on thursday, 4 of the kits are too young to feed themselves and have gone to a foster home, two more kits died over night, and all of them have cat flu, so they are not only going to cost vets fees but if they all survive are going to need neutering and microchipping and feeding before we can rehome them, we have them all in one huge pen as that was what was available, on the plus side they are all adorable, sociable kittens and the adult girl is lovely and great fun today cleaning the pen with kittens climbing all over me

Original poster
BerylStreep · 27/08/2011 23:42

Issey - I know you do fantastic work, we have had rescue cats in the past (with, I must admit, varying results in personalities - some sweet, some demonic, the rest neurotic - but that is the nature of cats!).

However my rationale is that I expect to have this cat for at least the next 15 years, and so I would really like to have the right cat, whose personality, and yes, looks, are going to appeal to me. I have contacted the breed associations with a view to rehoming older cats, however, as I am in Ireland, logistically it is challenging, although I am happy to travel to England by ferry to collect.

(btw - the hysterical comment wasn't aimed at you Blush)

OP posts:
issey6cats · 28/08/2011 00:33

beryl as i said way back on the thread suggested contacting the breed rescues if you were interested in rehoming a devon rex rescue or older cat good luck with your search and im sure you will find the one your looking for, i dont know if being in ireland will make much difference as i live in england there might be an association or rescue of devons in ireland, i havent judged you attall i just happen to work for a rescueand hope that by mentioning day to day stuff that maybe someone somewhere will think about taking on a rescue cat or kitten instead of a commercially bred one

whomovedmychocolate · 28/08/2011 08:07

Well I'm sure you have discovered catchat.org and have found your regional rescue centres. One thing I would say about the pedigree cats is that they are noisy buggers and it sure as hell bothers DH more than it bothers me. We've had to annexe the cat overnight to stop him waking the DC (and us) so bear it in mind if you do go ahead.

You will find most pedigrees get rehomed about age six IME as they are too old to show :(

Dozer · 28/08/2011 08:11

YABU, get a rescue cat!

DogsBestFriend · 28/08/2011 08:34

Do you honestly think that those "small family breeders" you speak of are breeding their cats to improve the breed, bearing in mind genetics rather rhan profit?

And do you honestly think that, bearing in mind the rescue situation, these damn people are cat lovers?

All I can hear is a woman who knows how unethical cat breeding is but like a spoilt child is sticking her fingers in her ears, yelling la la la I don't wan't to listen and stamping her foot.

And yes, before the comments come - I am militant about rescue.

scotsgirl23 · 28/08/2011 08:34

I think some people are being really unfair to the OP, and for some reason you do get this a LOT more with cats than dogs. I have pedigree cats (3 maine coons) and I've also had several rescues in the past. For some reason, people seem to think choosing a specific cat breed is strange in a way they don't for dogs.

There are very distinct differences in temperament (as well as appearance and size) between the breeds, and there is nothing wrong with researching to find the right cat for your household. Mine are all incredibly gentle and affectionate and great with our little girl, which was very important to us. So shoot me.

We did look in to rescues, but up here there is a much more limited range available. Between them, most rescues won't rehome to indoor homes, places with children, no garden, near a road etc etc. And that's before you are looking for a specific breed.

Rescuing is a great thing to do, and at some point in the future I fully intend to take on rescues again. But at this point, these are the right cats for our family.

Beryl, if your DH hates them then that is a tricky one. I'd suggest maybe finding some reputable breeders locally of breeds you are interested in and going with DH to meet some and get a feel for what they are like.

DogsBestFriend · 28/08/2011 08:36

And another one! Hmm

Original poster
BerylStreep · 28/08/2011 10:26

Militant is one description, I can think of other more apt adjectives. Hmm

DBF if you think that haranguing and insulting strangers on a forum is going to further your cause and the welfare of cats, then knock yourself out.

There is a danger however that others will perceive you as an aggressive crazed cat lady. (Apologies to all sweet crazed cat ladies out there).

OP posts:
rhondajean · 28/08/2011 10:54

They are gorgeous!! just looked at the photos and I want one!! As DH is asthmatic/allergic to cats this is going to cause a bit of an issue...

everlong · 28/08/2011 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paddypoopants · 28/08/2011 11:29

I'm with acatcalledbob as well- get 2 kittens. Then when they are at their kittenish wreck all stage they can spend their time chasing each other rather than attacking you or your kids with their devlishly sharp little claws. Your conscience will be salved and IME cats that have playmates from the beginning are less neurotic.
They could be His n hers cats - and then at at the end of 15 years you can come back on here and tell us which is best- Rex or Moggie.

ChippingIn · 28/08/2011 11:39

DBF - crazed cat lady?? Don't make me laugh. She's simply someone who spends an awful lot of her time trying to save the lives of unwanted animals. She gives her advice freely and is incredibly helpful to those people willing to actually listen to her advice. But yeah... it's easier to knock someone than take it on board that buying from back street breeders does mean lots more animals are pts.

Beryl - the moral issue aside, I think it's a bad move to get a cat that your DH doesn't like. Surely you want the cat to be loved by everyone? Then you need to get one you all want.

Soupqueen · 28/08/2011 11:51

I think they're beautiful, but then I've never seen a cat that wasn't. I've always had rescues but currently have a Somali. He is a rescue cat ( first owner member of staff found him too high maintenance :( )

He is, far and away, the most engaging and wonderful cat I've had. Having done some research, it seems lots of the traits I love are typical of the breed which does present a dilemma when it comes to the next one.

Ultimately though, you and DH need to come to a compromise as the cat will be a member of your family.

CeliaFate · 28/08/2011 12:44

I fully agree with and endorse rescuing unwanted pets - have done so myself several times. But, the OP didn't ask that question - she asked if her dh was being unreasonable for not wanting a devon rex cat. I don't think he is, I think both adults need to be totally on board to get any pet.

The op simply has a different opinon to DBF and others who have said "get a rescue". It's her choice. And DBF wasn't being helpful by saying "All I can hear is a woman who knows how unethical cat breeding is but like a spoilt child is sticking her fingers in her ears, yelling la la la I don't wan't to listen and stamping her foot." How is that helping anyone? She's attacking the OP for having a different opinion to her own.

lachesis · 28/08/2011 13:35

I think they're ugly. Poor little things, they've had normal cat fur, that helps them regulate their body temperature, bred out of them. I know when we had our Persian, who was found as a stray, he had problems with his teeth (had to have some removed) because the normal cat jaw had been bred out of them. The vet was very disproving of pedigree breeding, and I could see why! But he was a stray.

Yep, our ginger, the vet said, 'Oh, a CPL cat' when she saw his ear. But he's very happily an indoor cat who is a lovely lap cat and sleeps in a lump with our spayed black and white, at least 11-year-old female cat. So much for his being feral.

naturalbaby · 28/08/2011 13:41

there's a poster at our local soft play of a missing devon rex.

i had my heart set on a pedigree cat but got impatient and went to the local cats protection...and came home with the first cat she showed us! i told her what i really wanted and they had a very similar looking moggie in. i then said i really wanted a kitten (this one was 1yr old) and she produced a gorgeous 6week old kitten from the same pen.

my family had pedigree cats and they cost a fortune with health issues over the years. mine have never had anything serious other than a couple of minor accidents and a bit of tooth cleaning.

DogsBestFriend · 28/08/2011 13:51

Heard it all before, it's the stock response of the irresponsible.

Oddly, Celia, pointing out to others, as well as the OP that she's hellbent on buying a breed with inherent health issues, that there are several moral issues at play here (see previous comments from myself, issey and various others), and that no decent rescue would dream of homing to her family is pretty helpful. It often gives those who might not have looked at the issue of unwanted cats vs (generally backyard) bred ones food for thought.

It's certainly helpful to the cats who are in shelters and fosters, to say nothing of those who are killed by vets for want of homes across the country and on a daily basis, to have the truth pointed out, as unpallatable as it may be.

but hey, don't worry about what I say, carry on as you were, I just pick up the frigging pieces.

The 2 cats on MY rehoming list are lucky - until they have a permanent home they will be safe here, regardless of time, trouble or expense.

Thanks to the "buy from a breeder brigade" thousands of cats are not so lucky.

PinotsWolefCubs · 28/08/2011 13:51

Well now, I was previously of the "If I had a cat it would be a poncey pretty pedigree one" as that's the kind of shallow ponce person I am. Now that I've been lucky enough to have my two moggies, I couldn't have changed my mind more.

My two couldn't be any further removed from the pedigree ones if they tried. No idea who their Dad is, Mum was very very young and abandoned them.

But I couldn't have wished for more loving and beautiful kittens. They make my heart absolutelty soar - the girl kitten woke me at 4am this morning as she wanted a stroke, I then drifted off to sleep whilst she purred loudly and paced on my tummy. B-L-I-S-S.

My point is, OP, before I bore you even more with how much I love my kittens, that any cat is a wonderful pet and don't get caught up on looks and pedigree ponciness. There are LOADS that needs a home - do the right thing and make an abandoned cat the family pet.

PinotsWolefCubs · 28/08/2011 13:52

Ooh x post with DBF (whom I luff)

CalamityKate · 28/08/2011 14:20

YABU.

Everyone in the house needs to like the cat, not just you.

It shouldn't be impossible to find a cat that EVERYONE finds attractive.