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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want this cat? I think DH is being vvvu.

163 replies

BerylStreep · 25/08/2011 22:33

Me & DH have agreed to get a cat, now that our DC are at an age where they can respect an animal and hopefully won't torture it.

I absolutely adore devon rexes - mainly for their huge affectionate personalities, but I also find their looks exotic yet sweet at the same time. They also have the benefit of not shedding too much.

DH, who knows nothing about cats, has refused to let me get one, saying they look like gremlins and are 'freaks of nature'.

I am really upset about his dismissive and judgmental attitude. So what if the cat looks different? It will still make a wonderful family pet - more so because they love human company. My response to him is how would he have reacted if one of our children didn't have conventional looks - he would be devastated to hear anyone making such unkind remarks.

I know it seems irrational, but I really, really want one of these cats. I am also really upset that DH is vetoing the cat based only on looks.

OP posts:
ArtificialIntelligence · 25/08/2011 23:07

If it's personality you're after then definitely go to a shelter for an older/adolescent cat. You've no idea what a kitten will turn out like whereas you'll know exactly whether an older cat is friendly/aloof/talkative or whatever.

pictish · 25/08/2011 23:09

Well....the thing is, you can't get one against your dh's wishes can you? Really?

If dh and I agreed on a dog say, and he come home with a westie, against my wishes....I'd be mad.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:10

When you BUY your designer animal do spare a thought for all the beautiful cats that will be put down in shelters because arseholes still feel the need to buy a cat.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:11

Oh and they are fugly.

pictish · 25/08/2011 23:12

Oh sod off with the emotional pressure.
No-one here is whiter than snow and gets it all ethically and morally right ALL the time.
Back off bleeding hearts. Not nice.

lachesis · 25/08/2011 23:13

Just give a moggie a break! I don't know who came out better out of all the homeless moggies who've shared our lives - me or the cat. :)

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:14

Bleeding hearts? Or thousands of beautiful cats, many MANY pedigree animals, being put down day after day in shelters because people still feel the need to go out and chuck money at designer breeds? Yes bleeding hearts indeed. SICK.

Original poster
BerylStreep · 25/08/2011 23:14

Baboos - DH has said that I will be doing all the looking after the cat, and he will not be involved. That's fine by me, but I think I should therefore get to choose which cat we get.

Someone said earlier that I sound petulant, and I know that I do. I still adore these cats though, and DH's objections seem so harsh and superficial.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a kitten - I would be happy to re-home an older rex.

OP posts:
Glimmerberry · 25/08/2011 23:15

I don't really understand why people get so uppity about choosing cats by breed. It's considered sensible to pick a dog breed/characteristics for your family...one that will have a long and happy life with you rather than end up rehomed. It can be the same with cats. I've had moggies most of my life, then in recent years (hoping to replace a much loved character when he died) have ended up with two pure breeds, chosen for specific characteristics. They are exactly as expected and fantastic pets. I've loved all my cats but sometimes with a moggy you end up with an outdoor hunter you never see, or a cat that's scared of children, or a cat with multiple health problems etc etc...

Yes, there are lots of cats needing rehomed from rescue centres, but the very small number of people breeding pure breeds in really very small numbers aren't responsible for this -kitten farms and unneutered pets are the bigger problem.

Devon rexes aren't my cup of tea, i prefer cats with more canine characteristics (play fetch, come to their name, close bonds with owners etc) but provided the OP has done her research and its more about characteristics than looks then I don't see her husbands problem. Picking any pet on looks alone is just daft.

issey6cats · 25/08/2011 23:16

pictish i didnt get all bleeding hearts about rescue cats, my six the oldest one someone died in the family, the next one took her on cos someone went back to work full time and didnt have time for her, bro and sis got from a private home as kittens, last two from the rescue center i work at and yes if op wants a devon rex that is her choice maybe if she looks into breed rescue and maybe she will get her devon rex that way something to think about

ArtificialIntelligence · 25/08/2011 23:18

Pictish the only bleeding going on is that of the cats dying in shelters.

IMHO and IME a home where all the adults are not on board with the owning of the pet and where one party is of the opinion of greens DH is one which shouldn't have a pet until they're all in agreement. Too many times a situation like this ends up in rows between the adults and ultimately an unwanted pet.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:19

Insane to compare a cat to a dog. A cat is an independent creature. It does not require walking 3x a day. It does not require any of the input that a cat does.

Who mentioned "moggy". Which by definition I assume you mean a mixed breed cat of no particular "breed". Stupid thing to say given that all dogs are in fact mixed breeds that have been bred down lines to be certain types of dog.

It cannot be justified to go out and pay for an animal when at the same time you are handing over your cash a similar animal or 10/20 is being put down because it cannot find a home.

Justify it til your blue in the face. You "love" animals then you rescue an animal that needs a home. You WANT an animal to compliment your lifestyle then you pop out and buy one. With very little regard for the others that die in the shelters whilst you are doing it.

pictish · 25/08/2011 23:20

She didn't ask for a lecture on morality. Step down from the podium woman!

OP - just consulted dh on this. as your dh doesn't want to be part of its care, then he's a bit cheeky to veto your choice....but WE think you come to an agreement that you owe him one if he is agreeable to your choice.

As in 'you give me this one....and I'll love you for it and return the favour'

Bet he ends up liking the cat anyway, whatever. Wink

Come on...you can compromise.

ArtificialIntelligence · 25/08/2011 23:21

Glimmer, by far from all pedigree breeders are responsible and many are of the "backyard" type. There are many who are very much a part of the unwanted cat problem.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:23

Don't post here then. If you cannot handle the responses then ffs don't use AIBU.

Maybe it is "nicer" (are we on netmums) to say YES! omg, go buy your cat, plz, chuck some money at a designer breed, yes go 4 it babe, who givz a shit about the catz that die every day becoz peeps want to buy designer cats. yay hugz

ffs. they are dieing every day. but yeah, you buy your designer cat. hope it matches the sofa. if it doesn't, don't worry, a shelter will get rid for you.

pictish · 25/08/2011 23:23

If you are prepared to be patient, and put the time in, you could probably find a rescue rex.
Button this lot up. Wink

issey6cats · 25/08/2011 23:24

actually in this country there are few rescues that have a kill policy the biggest one with the posh advert on telly tugging at your heart strings is the worst one for putting cats to sleep on avery regular basis, most of the independant ones here have a no kill policy, more prevalent in the usa where literally thousands of cats have 24 hours left to live and rescues tear them selves to pieces and devote a massive am,ount of time to pulling and rehoming the death row cats

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:26

I like Maine Coone cats. They are beautiful. Will I buy one? NO.

If you really REALLY cared about the breed then you would register with the rescues in your area and be put on a wait list for that particular breed of cat. You would wait for it to come in and need a rescue. You won't because it isn't about caring about the animal or the breed it is about a NEED to have a designer breed cat.

Original poster
BerylStreep · 25/08/2011 23:28

Glimmer - when you say you prefer cats which are more canine in their characteristics, which breeds do you mean?

OP posts:
TakeMeDrunkImHome · 25/08/2011 23:29

Leaving the thread now before I bite my fingers off.

I wish just one person would take something from it. There are SO many wonderful animals sat in shelters waiting for permanent homes and paying for animals is just so so wrong. It perpetuates the cycle.

tabulahrasa · 25/08/2011 23:30

It's not that ridiculous to compare some cat breeds to dogs actually - again with the Siamese, but she's absolutely not an independent low maintenance pet like a DSH usually is - no I don't walk her, but in many ways it is like having a dog.

which is why I have a Siamese, my other cat is very sweet actually, but it's not the same at all as a Siamese.

I don't actually know about Devon rexes, but different cat breeds do have very different temperaments.

issey6cats · 25/08/2011 23:30

takemedrunk maine coones are fabulous several of my friends have coonies, would love one but (a) too bloody big for my little house and( b) couldnt justify spending that sort of money on a pedigree cat when i work with georgous moggies every week

Original poster
BerylStreep · 25/08/2011 23:31

Takeme - read the thread - I have already said I am willing to re-home an older cat.

OP posts:
pictish · 25/08/2011 23:32

Good idea takemehome - have a lie down.

ArtificialIntelligence · 25/08/2011 23:33

issey, but two of the "big" rescues - and I'm not sure if the one you're referring to is all breed or purely cat, but both are as bad - are guilty of "killing off through the back door". I've known both of these two to take cats to vets telling them to PTS on the grounds that they don't have space for the cat concerned.

One of the cats I have here came to me having been found in a shed. She gave birth to a litter, was handed to a big rescue by the concerned shed owner who was unable to keep her herself and was duly spayed and vaxed. She also had a piece of her ear cut off to identify her as a "feral" and returned to the shed by the rescue. Shock

Rescue claimed she was feral - she is definitely not. The shed was within the garden of a house on a busy road and neither vet nor rescue identified the fact that she is deaf.

Let's just say that my opinion of this rescue, not as a rehoming agency, they do that very well, but as a cat care one, went down very much when I discovered all this.