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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to get into the only position that seems to turn him on?

155 replies

PettyCat · 23/08/2011 00:53

DP seems to be having problems maintaining an erection. Its been going on a few months now and it IS getting frustrating because I have suggested things and he just gets in a flap and ignores my suggestions and nothing ever seems to progress. He's got into the habit of asking me to "get onto all fours" as that is the only thing that make him "hard". I refuse. Not because I'm trying to be awkward but because it makes me feel like shit to be told that the only way I can turn him on is by arranging myself into a pose he watches on his tacky porn channels. I feel cheap and unnattractive as if the only way I'm any good is if I have my arse in the air and face directed away from him.

AIBU?? he seems to think I'm being awkward for the sake of being awkward. My argument is if he can get it up under those circumstances, he should be able to do it under normal circumstances and if I'm not good enough for him in any other position then the doggy style thing isn't going to happen either.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 24/08/2011 14:39

You are right about that Kerrymumbles.

And as the exwife of a man who I strongly suspect is gay, I can say they watch straight porn too, or at least one of them does.

PolishPollinator · 24/08/2011 14:50

This is my first post so i'm not even going to try to use the shortened versions for things until I am more used to what they mean.

As a man I can understand his point that some positions can cause him to lose his erection, it's just a fact. That said he is being totally unreasonable if he is unprepared to try your suggestions, as well as being very unadventurous. As for porn being the reason, that is highly unlikely as there are so many positions in any porn that doggy is the least of your worries when it comes to being degraded.

Wish I could offer a constructive solution to the issue, but all I can suggest is you be open about your feelings with him without being angry or aportioning blame. After all you have to consider that he may plain and simply be telling you the truth and he can't keep it up in any other position. So consider what you want to happen if that is the case.

Spuddybean · 24/08/2011 15:02

polish can you elaborate on why 'some positions can cause him to lose his erection, it's just a fact'?

Just totally out of curiosity - is it a physical or psychological thing?

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/08/2011 15:09

May I draw your attention to the fact that this the OP's one and only post?

Welcome to Mumsnet, PettyCat.

RogerMelly · 24/08/2011 15:22

surely if he is gay, he using the wrong hole and doing it to the wrong sex

Malificence · 24/08/2011 15:23

"As a man I can understand his point that some positions can cause him to lose his erection, it's just a fact"
What an odd thing to say.
I've never had my husband lose an erection in any position, ever, not once in 28 years .

mathanxiety · 24/08/2011 15:31

It mightn't matter one bit what sex he is doing it to as long as there's somewhere to put it, and one back looks very much like another. If you can't see a face or feel boobs you might as well be with a man, or you could make do with 'close enough'.

HeifferunderConstruction · 24/08/2011 15:34

Hmmm is tricky had he always like 'doggy style?

or is it a new thing?

lubbermummy · 24/08/2011 15:40

he needs to stop spanking the monkey when you are not around and he needs a long break from porn. if he cant be with you for who you are then he needs to get a grip off his penis.

There are no positions in which you loose an erection. not even death can make a boner go away

That is not to say you can't feign support whilst he goes to the doc and he gets check out, but it sounds like he is watching way too much porn, spanking it when you are not there, and cant get it up afterwards because hes spent.

YANBU

ChippingIn · 24/08/2011 15:43

I was going to post something quite personal, but being as it's the OP's first post and she's not been back to the thread, I don't think I'll bother. OP if you are a regular under a name change for this thread - feel free to PM me and I'll tell you.

Whatmeworry · 24/08/2011 15:44

May I draw your attention to the fact that this the OP's one and only post?

What she said. 1 1/2 days and counting.....

ChippingIn · 24/08/2011 15:45

Gee Malificence - if only we were all as amazing in bed as you are what a smug post.

Lubbermummy - you are talking shite.

Malificence · 24/08/2011 15:57

Of course a position can't make a (physically healthy) man lose his erection
Losing interest might though.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 24/08/2011 16:01

It's my understanding that rigor mortis has been known to extend the length of a boner lubber

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 24/08/2011 16:04

Perhaps we should wait till Friday for the OP to come back BecauseImWorthIt?

AbbyAbsinthe · 24/08/2011 16:04

Malificence, do you really have to bang on about your fabulous sex life at every opportunity? Someone with a crap sex life doesn't need to hear it, really

Spuddybean · 24/08/2011 16:06

I don't really understand why people are that bothered if the post is a troll. It is the discussion it provokes i personally find interesting - Just using it as a springboard for ideas and experiences to be shared.

So if a man loses his erection during a certain position do people that's because it is physically not stimulating (less friction maybe) enough or mentally not engaging (less visual/erotic interraction) enough?

An ex and i tried to shag once in a dark room and he just couldn't get it up at all - i was really turned on with just the physical sensations but he needed 'to see'

SouthernFriedTofu · 24/08/2011 16:10

Is doggy realy that pornographic?

I think you might be reading a lot in to it and if DH is having erectile issues I think you are being mean. He probably feels shit about it not being able to have sex in the first place He might find being on his knees more comfortable which lets him relax. How old is he? I'd send his ass to a doctor myelf anyway

SouthernFriedTofu · 24/08/2011 16:13

Malifecence being phyisically healthy will mean your dh can probably maintain an erection in any position. That's nice for you. Silly to assume someone who has bad legs or arthritus or weak knees won't become uncomfortable or tired in certain positions.

I can walk, have done for nearly 28 years. Doesn't mean everyone can.

SouthernFriedTofu · 24/08/2011 16:15

My point is we don't actually know if the OP's husband has any of those problems because we have had one post from her... and men have a tendancy to not want to discuss things that mnake them seem old or feeble

Malificence · 24/08/2011 16:16

That's why I specifically mentioned a physically healthy man

SouthernFriedTofu · 24/08/2011 16:17

read my second post it got cut off.

spiderpig8 · 24/08/2011 16:30

'read my second post- it got cut off'
you might not like doggy, but that's a bit drastic surely!!!

lachesis · 24/08/2011 16:47

Anyone else find it odd that Bonsoir's relatives discuss intimate details of the their ED with her? And their doctors, too? Hands up, whose FIL has spoken to them about the ED and how the doc said doggy was the way to go?

AbbyAbsinthe · 24/08/2011 16:54

spiderpig8

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