To refuse to get into the only position that seems to turn him on?

[PettyCat]

DP seems to be having problems maintaining an erection. Its been going on a few months now and it IS getting frustrating because I have suggested things and he just gets in a flap and ignores my suggestions and nothing ever seems to progress. He's got into the habit of asking me to "get onto all fours" as that is the only thing that make him "hard". I refuse. Not because I'm trying to be awkward but because it makes me feel like shit to be told that the only way I can turn him on is by arranging myself into a pose he watches on his tacky porn channels. I feel cheap and unnattractive as if the only way I'm any good is if I have my arse in the air and face directed away from him.

AIBU?? he seems to think I'm being awkward for the sake of being awkward. My argument is if he can get it up under those circumstances, he should be able to do it under normal circumstances and if I'm not good enough for him in any other position then the doggy style thing isn't going to happen either.

Fair enough, bonsoir, obviously you're a medic (which I didn't know), and I'm not.

I am just very surprised as in the natural course of things men don't use their penises for 16-plus years and we haven't died out as a species yet.

I do see you're trying to help as obviously this is an issue for the OP - but it's an impasse, isn't it? He may need medical help, but she doesn't want doggy-style sex. It's her body. It's rotten for them both, but saying 'but doggy style is medically best' doesn't really help IMO, since it's something she's already said isn't an option.

I'm sure there are women out there who can't do doggy style for physical reasons (it's murder on your knees IMO), and I'd hope a good doctor would have advice in that situation too.

I think the OP is being unbelievably naïve here! Doggy-style is hardly a big deal - why doesn't she want to help her DP? She doesn't sound at all loving, caring or helpful.

And don't understand your point about men not using their penises for 16+ years. Most boys start using their penises pretty frequently just as soon as they are sexually mature and often before (as do girls).

Pretty vanilla stuff. What's the big deal?

I wonder if there is a power struggle in this relationship.

I really don't think girls have penises, bonsoir, let alone start using them as soon as they are sexually mature.

The OP has asked for help. She's said doggy-style is an issue for her. Is it so hard to respect that? Obviously she wwants to help her DH or she wouldn't be asking about it!

Yes, that's an insightful hypothesis, MrsBethel.

Naïvety (preciousness, even) don't merit respect. It needs to be pointed out and dealt with!

bonsoir, you started by saying doggy-style is special magic that the OP's husband needs. Now you're saying the 'exercise' all penises need (not a theory I believe anyway as it makes no sense) can be got from masturbation by boys. Do you want to decide which theory you're going something soon? If you want to suggest the OP's DH should just wank, do so. I doubt it's the advice he or she want because, believe it or not, some couples actually like a mutually-satisfying sex life.

LRD - you are immensely confused, and that is because your position is untenable. Why don't you accept that a little love and understanding on the part of the OP would go a long way here and that she is being infantile?

I don't think I am confused. I do agree the OP needs to talk this through with her DH. I've already said so. There's no confusion.

I do not follow how the OP asking for help with a problem, and stating her aversion to a particular sex act, could be construed as 'infantile'. I find that choice of word really disturbing.

If you don't understand why, I suggest you think about it. Or perhaps everything a woman feels should be respected, in your opinion. God forbid a woman's feelings might ever be a bit silly...

Cant people get what the issue is?
I'm very far from vanilla and i would feel the same as OP if my dh wanted only the one position that he cant see my face. I wouldn't stand there on my fours letting him imagine that he fucks some Katrinova.

Of course everything a woman feels should be respected, yes.

It would be possible to respect the OP's feelings even if she were being silly. Personally, I do not think she is being silly, but even if she were, I would respect her feelings.

I hope she comes back to talk to us. She needs help, not being told she's silly.

Bonsoir - are you for real??

What I wrote is what two different doctors have told two men very close to me

So, because two of your sexual partners have ED, bonsoir, and you've swallowed (no pun intended) the load of cod they've told you about advice they've allegedly been given by their GPs, your advice is that the OP should acquiesce to her porn-addict dh's demands and be grateful that he's using her as a sex toy to exercise his love muscle?

I don't think doggy-style is porny and odd, not to me. I like it very much. But the OP doesn't. And she is a bit suspicious of her DH's motives. That's the point.

I would find doggy-style odd if my DH didn't want to see my face - I'm always looking over my shoulder, thought that was normal.

Sorry - I did want to post this to make clear my issue isn't with the sex act at all, but with the OP's feelings and her DH's attitude.

She didn't say 'sexual partners' .

Never mind "regular excersise" for dicks, what about the poster further up suggesting OP is "loose" !!

She is already concerned because she feels insecure that her partner doesnt even want to look at her face and that she doesnt compare to his porn stars, now her bits arent right either?!

'i'm always looking over my shoulder, thought that was normal'.

No. Mirrors here, more comfortable

No, neither of those men were my sexual partners. One is my FOL (busy trying to get an erection after 15 years of forced abstinence) and another is a relative of my own generation. Two different countries (France and England).