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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at being left to look after DSS

112 replies

Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:30

Right this is going to be long....

At the start of the summer holidays DSS's mum asked if he could stay with us for a week as he had asked if he could. DP asked me if I could look after him (he works, I have the holidays off).

I said no I cant because 1. my Dsis has breast cancer and had started chemo, she has two DC(6 and 3) and I need to be able to help her out as much as I can, so there would be no room for DSS if I had her 2, and my own 4 DC and

  1. It would mean I wouldnt be able to go anywhere in the car so would be stuck in if I have her 2. My house is tiny and this would drive us all mad.

So he said ok then. A week later he said he didnt want to turn DSS down so would take a week off to have him. even though this still meant not enough room for DNeice and DNephew I agreed beacuse then at least I could take them out all day and wear(?) them out.

Another week down the line and DP tells me he has a really easy week at work and would it be ok if he went in but he would be home by midday. So I said yes fine, but you have to take them out when you get home from work as they will need to get out, he says yes fine.

Oh I also need to add that I look after my friends DS every tues and thurs morning. We've had this agreement for ages as she helps me out during term time.

So now last week DP tells me he no longer has an easy week at work, that job has been cancelled so he's working normally. Im really angry at this point, but he keeps saying its not his fault.

Now although my Dsis has been ill, I have only been having her 2 once or twice a week and it seems she had been coping fine.

We picked DSS up on friday for the week and on sunday I get a text from my mum saying Dsis is struggling and can I help more. I feel so shitty now as I cant take them both overnight, so have had to say i can take her 3yo for 1 night and her 6yo for two nights this week, and I will have them over during the day as well for a few days. My mum will help but she doesnt have a house(she lives in supported housing) and DNeice and DNephew dont like her much anyway Sad .

So this week I will have 8 kids to look after, its going to be crazy and im not sure i'll cope. I just feel so annoyed that I said no in the begining to looking after DSS myself and that seems to have been ignored.

DP says he cant really take time off sick now as he is leaving that job soon and they'll give him a rubbish reference if he drops them in it.

If he was sorry, or maybe even greatfull that I am helping him out then it wouldnt be so bad, but he just keeps saying its not his fault.

[round of applause if you got to the end]

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 22/08/2011 14:34

YABU - you are a family and life throws shit your way sometimes. All this my DC, his DC is a bit odd to me. I appreciate it's not what you planned but DC love all mucking in together given a chance. I would expect his help fully when he comes home from work though.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/08/2011 14:34

Sorry to hear your Dsis is ill - that must be very hard to contend with.

Well, you are not BU really as you have your hands full but 7 kids....8 kids....is there much difference?? Shame your DP did a backtrack though but maybe he really couldnt help it - however, he should still be grateful though

Deep breath and good luck!

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:38

The problem is that mainly I cant have Dsis DC overnight now, so she isnt getting a break. I will be having her DC and my DSS in the day, so I will be having 7 sometimes 8 kids. But I am upset that DP has backtracked and doesnt seem to give a shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:39

Domedon I have never said "his DC, my DC" not sure where you are getting that from.

OP posts:
OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 22/08/2011 14:41

Do you have a garden? How old are the DC? Could you put your DP in charge of pitching tents in the back yard and making it a fun 'camping' sort of thing? I can see why you're angry if you're now in the position where you can't support your poor DSis as much as you'd like, while your DP doesn't seem to be very helpful, but if it's just about number of beds perhaps a way can be found?

Bestb411pm · 22/08/2011 14:41

Deep breaths, I agree you are abitu, and it's shit when everyone needs a favour off you all at once, but it isn't forever.

You've got enough kids there to entertain each other at least - is it worth planning a few group activities like party games and things like football games and rounders? Have a sports day! It might be crap weather but it's not freezing. Get your mum over to help supervise.

Plan big easy meals too, sod it stews are fine whatever the weather or make a mountain of sandwiches and once you DH walks in from work retire for a nice long soak in the bath.

TheSecondComing · 22/08/2011 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

summertimeblews · 22/08/2011 14:46

just make it an adventure for the kids, they wont care - the more the merrier

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:48

Garden isnt big enough for camping, we have a washing pole right in the middle.

DC's aged between 2-10.

Why would DSS feel way down on list of priorities? He has been here for 3 days and so far we have; been camping, been to see Batman Live, been swimming. He has no ides that I am struggling and that DN's need to stay.

All the DC get on in a way but group games wouldnt work, I have tried before.

OP posts:
WeShouldOpenABar · 22/08/2011 14:48

If your mother cant take them in her accomodation maybe she can come and help you out with a big camp out or with enough cushions on the floor a big camp in?
8 is a lot but if your organised you can do it- and you can be pissed off with your dp while your doing it but i would save your energy for entertaining the kids and address that later

BluddyMoFo · 22/08/2011 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoMeDon · 22/08/2011 14:48

I appreciate you didn't say my/his - I said that as it comes across that way to me. You said no to your DP's son coming to stay - I find that odd no matter the circs. He should be welcome in his fathers home whenever and no matter what in my view. You will be looking after your DC but are unwilling to include his due to your sister's illness.

I hope she gets better and life is easier for you soon.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:50

Yes the kids will care when we are not getting to go anywhere or do anything, they will argue and bicker and its going to be pretty hard.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 22/08/2011 14:54

Your stepson is also your own childrens sibling. They have the same Dad, and he should be treated as equally as your own kids.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:54

I said that I could not cope in having to look after an extra DC with all that is going on, not that he couldnt stay.

OP posts:
ObiWan · 22/08/2011 14:54

Then perhaps your sisters children need to be looked after by someone else.

Your stepson should be as welcome in his fathers home as the children who live there permanently.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:55

He is treated equally, of course he is.

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 22/08/2011 14:56

AIBU - yes - no I'm not

Can't. be. arsed.

squeakytoy · 22/08/2011 14:57

It doesnt sound like he is being treated equally from what you have posted.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:58

Dsis has no one else to help. DSS is welcome here and always has been.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 22/08/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:59

He is treated equally, he is the one who is here isnt he. It is DNeice and DNephew who I have had to let down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 15:00

No but If I had 7, or most of the time 6, then I could actually leave the house and take them out.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 22/08/2011 15:02

Why can your mum not help with your sisters kids (surely she could go and stay there to help your sister, and where is their father?

summertimeblews · 22/08/2011 15:02

*Yes the kids will care when we are not getting to go anywhere or do anything, they will argue and bicker and its going to be pretty hard.

only if thats the grumpy vibes you are giving out

you sound negative - so dont be surprised when the kids pick up on that and play you up - thats the way it works

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