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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by people complaining about the "intensity" of the summer holidays

158 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 22/08/2011 11:39

Met some friends yesterday, they are both SAHMs, I work 3 days a week in fairly high pressure job and my DDs are in nursery (private nursery so no summer holiday).

They were both complaining about how the summer holidays had seemed so long and it was so intense looking after the children for that length of time and find things to do and how their children were getting bored now.

All our DC1s are due to start reception in September.

Both patronisingly said to me "you don't realise at the moment but you will do once your DD1 is at school how long and intense the summer holidays are", to which I was like "Well sadly I will still have to work in the summer holidays so won't have the benefit of spending all that time with my DDs"

WTF...I would LOVE to have the whole summer off with my DDs, oh the poor things having to spend the summer finding things to do with their children...

AIBU?

OP posts:
Peachy · 23/08/2011 14:42

ds2 has just satrted playing out this year, perhaps delayed for a bit as ds1 can;'t and obviously finds it ahrd to see ds2 going out: the freedom is great but i don't think it is what is was when I was a child- the fields, long bike rides, streams have all gone trhe way of housing estates, busy roads and everyone else's kid just wanting to play pokemon.

carpetlover · 23/08/2011 14:45

Yes, Belgo, I agree. I find my eldest two far more needy and intense (Iwas a SAHM until DS went to sch and DD1 to nursery) My 3yr old had no such luxury as I was working and she had to compete with her siblings for attention when I was there. She is the most chilled and content of the 3 and always seems able to occupy herself.

mrsgboring · 23/08/2011 15:39

YY Carpetlover to the leisurely breakfasts. DS2 is on 5.30 wakeups again and DS1 not far behind. They need to eat soon after getting up, then wander off mid bowl to do something, come back to demand to know what they're doing that day (this isn't spoilt IMO, but a feature of summer holiday lack of routine: the children never know what they're doing) and DS2 is beginning to need another meal/sleep by the time 10am comes round which is about the earliest that anything starts in school hols. I feel like I've wasted the day and get terribly depressed and also worried how the HELL we're going to get back on school time when DS1 has got used to three hours of messing about at his craft table before doing anything.

DrCoconut yes, I think a lot of the SAHM bashing that comes from WOHM comes from defensiveness because they are attacked and made to feel guilty. The solution isn't to bash SAHMs and say they've turned into unemployable vegetables, though people sometimes do. When it all gets too much we can all go after the lone parents and teenage mums (who must themselves fall into either WOH or SAH camp) - great isn't it? All stems I think from the fact that too few women feel they have enough choice one way or the other.

Feminine · 23/08/2011 15:46

Well for the last 7 summers I have lived in the US.

The children here get 11 week summer holidays! Shock

Six weeks will seem like a breeze ...

I am a SAHM ,in a really remote rural location ...with 3 children 12, 8 and 2 :)

It is beyond draining.

twinklytroll · 23/08/2011 16:16

Carpetlover I think most people work because they have to . We may choose our careers but working is a non negotiable for most of us

carpetlover · 23/08/2011 16:18

Mrsgboring, I think when they're still in the nap stage then it can feel like the day just gets away from you. But mine are 7, 5 and 3 so no naps here. They get up and demand food and basically scoff it in about 2mins. Often DS and DD1 will have a second bowl of cereal. They then wander off with a piece of fruit and the rioting begins! Grin By 10am they all need more food so if we're home I do a few rounds of toast or toasted teacakes or sometimes make pancakes. But it does feel that if we don't go out on any given morning then it's a cycle of feeding them and stopping them fighting whilst trying to fit in a few loads of washing etc. And I'm 8mths pg so this summer has been particularly hard.

My comment was to those mums saying how it's so much more relaxed with getting up later, having cooked breakfasts and going off to explore the day together. That sounds very idylic. Maybe my 3 are just feral but then none of the 3 of them have ever been calm, quiet or remotely passive at home despite being model children at nursery and school. Oh and summer hols usually involves at least one trip to A&E with DD1 who is 5yrs. Last year she twice fell out of trees over the break resulting in a broken wrist the first time and a bloody nose the second.

twinklytroll · 23/08/2011 16:19

I have one child and admit that may be easier. I do often have other children in the house though, but again accept that nothing can be quite as intense as siblings.

carpetlover · 23/08/2011 16:25

Twinklytroll, I'm sure that is the case. I was referring to the WOTH mums I know in our social group. One probably does need to work because her mortgage is about 3k a month so to maintain her lifestyle but the others don't. (I'm only talking about a group of about 9 women though so I'm not suggesting it's representative of women as a whole)

carpetlover · 23/08/2011 16:30

It's funny because with 3kids it's actually easier when we have friends to play. At least once a week during the summer hols I've arranged a simultaneous playdate for DS and DD1. It is so much less hassle when they have a friend to play with and DD2 often just tags along with DD1 and her friend. It really stops the fighting.

At least this year I only have 3! This time next year they'll be, 7, 5, 3 and 1! Can't wait!

clux73 · 23/08/2011 16:37

I'm a SAHM. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and I LOVE the summer holidays. It's so nice to spend proper time with them and do all the things we don't have time to do. We've had a fantastic summer holiday so far - a little bit of bickering but nothing majorly stressful. We're off on our holiday later this week but we've had a brilliant time actually appreciating the fact we live in London and doing the touristy thing - theatre, parks, South Bank beach, Transport Museum, Tower of London, city farms. The holiday is going too quick for my liking and I'm dreading the return to the school run and the horrible rushed breakfast times with everyone snapping at each other because we're all in such a hurry.

justcallmemummypig · 23/08/2011 16:49

I am a SAHM by choice, I am very lucky imo, have a 6yr & 3yr old and would love more but i don't think it will happen.

I do love the holidays and we get 8 weeks! I stocked the house up before the holidays and wrote a list of things on the fridge...some cooking, some making things (making sure we had all the right stuff in!) some treats - cinema, swimming, park, watch a dvd, play ds's etc...

As long as we do something they are happy, they play in the house/the garden, we have lots of friends over and vice versa.

There is also a fair amount of bickering, name calling and fighting! So much so that we needed a second list on the fridge... it starts "no punching" followed by "no whining" etc!

I do think SAHM's get a raw deal sometimes usually borne out of jealousy or guilt from working mums. In the op i detect more than a hint of it.

justcallmemummypig · 23/08/2011 16:50

clux73 we obv have similar lives! we went to the transport musuem last week, was a little surprised by the adult ticket price!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 23/08/2011 16:50

Sorry haven't read the whole thread.

I can see where your friends were coming from (even if they were factually incorrect about you being off all summer). I am a SAHM (although I also work from home as well but when kids are asleep) and it is intense!

Before school my dcs had never been to nursery or babysat or anything and 14/15 hour days, every single day without a little break IS very intense.

I believe that going out to work for half the week, even though that's not easy, breaks up that intense feeling. I would have thought that was obvious though Confused. It doesn't matter what job it is you do (SAHM or full time work), if you do it every single day then that makes it intense. It's accumulative. Most full time jobs though aren't 7 days a week, every week for 15 hours, or longer if you have a baby who is up all night!

NestaFiesta · 23/08/2011 16:55

WGME- exactly.

carpetlover · 23/08/2011 17:10

Maybe it's just my kids who fight and bicker constantly then. Probably the 18mth gap and DS and DD1's personality doesn't help!

This thread has made me question whether my kids are not quite in line with the norm. It's like those regular threads asking if you bath your kids every night. I'm always astounded at how many people say no! I always wonder how people bring themselves to put their kids to bed when theyre covered in mud, twigs, grass stains, pen and food! Now I'm starting to wonder if that's just my kids-especially my eldest DD! Confused

clux73 · 23/08/2011 17:13

Mummypig,
I know - last year the Transport Museum was £10 per adult (and we used to always use one of the 2 for 1 vouchers to make it cheaper), now its £13.50 but I guess they justify it by converting it into an annual pass. At least kids are free - hate it when you have to pay loads for a 3 year old to get in somewhere.

aldiwhore · 23/08/2011 17:14

They are being unreasonable, but if you enter into their compeition over who's got it harder, the you'll be unreasonable too.

The last 6 weeks HAVE been hard for me, money is tight, and having my (much loved) kids with me 24/7 IS tough.... that doesn't make me a better mum than one who works and loves the idea of spending long summer's with their children. The idea of working sounds great to me, I miss it.

Its NOT a competition and it really gets on my tits when its turned into one.

OriginalPoster · 23/08/2011 17:14

YABU
There is no point in being annoyed about other people complaining. You are just stressing yourself. If other people are complaining about something unreasonable just change the subject. You know that you've made the choices you have about work and childcare and so have they. There are pros and cons of all lifestyles. Otherwise it turns into a contest about who's got the hardest life.

If anyone is unhappy enough with their choices, they will eventually change what they are doing in their life. Just enjoy your kids when they are little and support each other. Life's too short.

CarrieOakey · 23/08/2011 17:22

I am finding the summer holidays pretty intense tbh but that's probably more about my organisational and parenting skills than anything else. I seem to perform better with routine in place and 6 weeks without a school run is starting to take it's toll. We are away on holiday next week and I am really looking forward to it. Smile

hmc · 23/08/2011 17:25

YABU - school holidays are intense if you are at home with them every day for the whole 6 weeks (and if you care enough not to let them veg out infront of the tv and be passive all day - in which case you need to organise them, arrange friends to come over and / or do 'outings'). School holidays are less intense if you spend time apart and they are in holiday club for part of it for whatever reason......

I don't think my dc are more than usually passive, or less resourceful than others but they are increasingly complaining of boredom (despite a holiday in Costa Rica and time at Centreparcs) and they too (i.e. not just me) are keen for their return to school now...

hmc · 23/08/2011 17:29

I love a bit of routine too Carrie -allows me to operate on auto pilot. Am p'raps a little bit lazy!

hmc · 23/08/2011 17:31

And just you wait JosieRosie - just you wait! (cackles knowingly)

CarrieOakey · 23/08/2011 17:31

You might have a point their hmc Blush, reading your posts just made happier in the knowledge that at least I am not alone in my lazinessGrin

aldiwhore · 23/08/2011 17:34

I've always hated routine, but have to admit, having one has made things a LOT easier.... doesn't help that my husband's been working away most of the summer!! So, maybe I'm guilty of having a few AAARRGGHHHH moments, and whining.

My best mummy mate works full time in a crazily high pressured job, in all our years of motherhood/friendship its never got competitive, because we both respect that life and parenthood and being a bloody grown up isn't always easy which ever path you choose. I'll happily listen to her moans, and she'll do the same for me.

Talking of routine, its tidy up time....

MrsBaggins · 23/08/2011 17:35

Op - I think it is very easy to sort of idealise the role of others.
So they think you are at work having nice coffee and lunches and you think they are frolicking about on the beach all summer without a care .

The reality of both situations is of course somewhat different.
They will have lovely days with their DC and also days when they find it immensely hard and tedious.

No doubt you have lovely days at work when its great and interesting and days when you feel like banging your head against the wall !
Its called real life !