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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by people complaining about the "intensity" of the summer holidays

158 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 22/08/2011 11:39

Met some friends yesterday, they are both SAHMs, I work 3 days a week in fairly high pressure job and my DDs are in nursery (private nursery so no summer holiday).

They were both complaining about how the summer holidays had seemed so long and it was so intense looking after the children for that length of time and find things to do and how their children were getting bored now.

All our DC1s are due to start reception in September.

Both patronisingly said to me "you don't realise at the moment but you will do once your DD1 is at school how long and intense the summer holidays are", to which I was like "Well sadly I will still have to work in the summer holidays so won't have the benefit of spending all that time with my DDs"

WTF...I would LOVE to have the whole summer off with my DDs, oh the poor things having to spend the summer finding things to do with their children...

AIBU?

OP posts:
pamplemousserose · 23/08/2011 08:21

Yabu. Being at work is easier than being at home with children.

belgo · 23/08/2011 08:25

'pamplemousserose' that totally depends on the job.

belgo · 23/08/2011 08:26

Being at home with my 3 children for eight weeks is a piece of piss compared to the work I will be going back to in october.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/08/2011 08:28

depends on the children too ;)

belgo · 23/08/2011 08:28

that too!

mymummyisasquarehead · 23/08/2011 08:29

It is exceptionally intense. My son is out of his normal structure. He responds well to the school routine.

During the holidays, he has been more hyperactive, throwing more tantrums and it has been bloody hard work.

You don't know what it is like as you haven't experienced it yet, therefore it is impossible for you to empathise. As for being fucked off, why don't you come back this time next year and tell us if your friends are still being unreasonable.

Why the fuck should any of us who complain be made to feel like we're bad parents because we dare to state that we're stressed out?!

YABU.

youngwomanwholivesinashoe · 23/08/2011 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nimbs · 23/08/2011 08:44

I'm a SAHM - and I love been at home with the children - love not having to get up early to go to school/pre-school/, being able to wake up and decide what we want to do (dependent on the weather - lol). I'm looking forward to Sept - but only because it is a new chapter for them.

I don't want them to go back so I can clean - that really is depressing. Yes it has it's moments when all four are fighting/screaming etc but we have had lots of fun too. IMHE I dare say if I only had one child I might find it harder, depending on the child and their need for more entertainment/interaction. Not saying that is the case for all only children (bum firmly on fence!)

debrs4 · 23/08/2011 08:48

Four children, stayed at home till youngest was 11. Fully realise how lucky I was. Now work in a school. Wish every day was school holiday. . . .

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/08/2011 08:55

pamplemousserose, i doubt there are many jobs that are easier than staying home with children. No deadlines at home bar school run times, no boss telling you what to do, no actual work, no customers/clients to deal with.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 08:57

mymummyisasquarehead why don't you read my posts properly....

As I said in my OP, no I won't get to experience spending the summer with my children as I will be working but having spent a year on maternity leave when I had my second DD, i do have some idea of what it is like to be at home full time with two children....

And I don't recall making them feel like bad parents...I came on here as I think you should perhaps consider who you whinge to about certain things, I found their remarks a bit insensitive and patronishing.

If I had retorted with "well you guys don't know how lucky you are not having to work on top of everything else" then perhaps you could accuse me of making them feel bad....

OP posts:
Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 08:59

pamplemousserose that is a sweeping generalisation...

as is very apparent from all the posts on this thread some children are a lot harder work than others....as are some jobs....

and for everyone complaining about the summer holidays don't forget that you have about 40 weeks of the year when your DCs are in school so you have 9 to 3:30 5 days a week to yourself.

OP posts:
DrGruntFotter · 23/08/2011 09:00

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Message withdrawn

JIRkids · 23/08/2011 09:02

I think you have the ideal set, you work part time while someone looks after your children and have some time at home too. IMO much better than non stop with kids as you have a change of scenery. It is the monotony which is a killer with children I think.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 09:06

Think maybe you are right JTRkids Smile

now perhaps if I could convince my boss to give me the summer off as well as work 3 days a week I really would have it all Grin

OP posts:
Mummy2May · 23/08/2011 09:08

Well I consider myself priveleged .....
As a secondary teacher, I get to look after other people's hormonal and easily-bored kids during the week, then at weekends and school holidays I get to look after my own, plus 3 step-children for an additional 2 weeks.

Joking aside .... I do love my job, my kids and my step-kids. But it's hard when you don't get any time to yourself, whatever job you do!! Everyone needs a bit of time to themselves.

mymummyisasquarehead · 23/08/2011 09:10

whoneedssleepanyway - I did read your post properly, so the sarcasm isn't really needed.

My post was aimed specifically at your point that they should be lucky and you were fucked off at their comments. They are your friends; surely they have a right to let off steam?! Isn't that what friends do after all?! I would suspect that their comments regarding you not knowing what it's like are in direct proportion to their current stress levels!!

"oh the poor things having to spend the summer finding things to do with their children..."

Your attitude is hardly one of understanding or empathy when you make statements such as the above one. If you ahve actually said or conveyed anything similar to them, then their comments are entirely justified.

Incidentally, the section in my post, where I suggested that those of us who complain are being made to feel like bad parents, was in relation to other comments on this thread.

Perhaps it is you that needs to read posts properly?

DrGruntFotter · 23/08/2011 09:22

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Message withdrawn

DrGruntFotter · 23/08/2011 09:23

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 09:25

mymummyisasquarehead as I said in my reply to you I did not say anything to make them feel bad...

and yes friends are there to empathise with others but equally I think you should be sensitive to who you make comments to....I would love to be a SAHM but it wasn't an option for me so yes I am jealous of people who are able to make that choice and don't particularly like it when they then whine to me about how hard it is having made that choice....

I have read all the posts on this thread contrary to what you might think, hence my conclusion in my post about that it would depend on both the job and the children as to who has it easier....but at the end of the day I recognise it is not a competition as to who faces more challenges everyone has good and bad days.

OP posts:
MilaMae · 23/08/2011 09:34

But op it's your jealousy that is the problem.

Many mums make sacrifices to become a SAHM it doesn't mean they're not entitled to moan just because you are jealous.

The fact you are jealous doesn't mean entertaining 3 under 8 with no car,money or sunshine for 7 weeks on the trot is easy and any body finding it less than enjoyable shouldn't be able to rant.

I'd give my eye teeth for a part time job in my old career that gave me the best of both worlds.

You should appreciate that you have a career and time with your dc. Many mums either miss out on the career or any time with their dc. You have the best of both worlds.A full time career can be hard, ditto being a full time mum.

You're aloud to complain about your lot,why can't others?

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 09:38

But surely that is a contradiction MilaMae if they are allowed to moan about the sacrifices they have made, can't I moan about the fact that I haven't been able to make this choice and don't want to hear about people who have complaining about it.....

My point is choose who you complain to.....

OP posts:
Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 23/08/2011 09:41

And everyone has been very quick to say "Oh the OP doesn't know what it is like to look after the DCs in the summer holidays because she doesn't have to" so in the same way those of you who say "you have the best of both worlds working part time" haven't worked part time so can't really comment in some ways whilst it is a nice compromise you sacrifice on two counts as I have taken a more backward seat in my career and been passed over for promotion because I only work 3 days but at the same time am not a full time mum for my children....

Anyway that's me done on the subject as we are never all going to agree on the topic but fair enough the school holidays are obviously much harder for some than others.

OP posts:
MilaMae · 23/08/2011 09:42

Who has been moaning about the sacrifices they're made? The only moaning is about how hard the holidays are-which they are.

MilaMae · 23/08/2011 09:46

So basically you have it harder than anybody,full time career women and SAHM and only you are allowed to complain.Hmm

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