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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by people complaining about the "intensity" of the summer holidays

158 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 22/08/2011 11:39

Met some friends yesterday, they are both SAHMs, I work 3 days a week in fairly high pressure job and my DDs are in nursery (private nursery so no summer holiday).

They were both complaining about how the summer holidays had seemed so long and it was so intense looking after the children for that length of time and find things to do and how their children were getting bored now.

All our DC1s are due to start reception in September.

Both patronisingly said to me "you don't realise at the moment but you will do once your DD1 is at school how long and intense the summer holidays are", to which I was like "Well sadly I will still have to work in the summer holidays so won't have the benefit of spending all that time with my DDs"

WTF...I would LOVE to have the whole summer off with my DDs, oh the poor things having to spend the summer finding things to do with their children...

AIBU?

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/08/2011 12:08

play in our garden

MrsNorthman · 22/08/2011 12:18

Everyone's situation is different. I have one child who is 8. He is quite a livewire and always wants to be doing something. Every day he asks me what we are doing and who with etc ... then wants to know what we will be doing for the rest of the week and who with. I suggest we do things and he doesn't want to do them. He suggests things and I don't want to do them! We haven't been away on holiday this year so YES I am finding it a bit frazzling to be honest but thats fine.

The real travesty about our kids these days is that they are not allowed out to play - the car has seen to that! When I was my son's age - and we were lucky enough to live in a cul-de-sac, we used to spend all summer playing out the front on our bikes and were in and out of each others back gardens making camps. Of course my mum used to take us out occasionally, but she did not drive, so it was never far ... but we were content to play with our mates out in the street .... so now there are hordes of exhausted mums trying to keep their kids entertained for 6-8 weeks - here's to us girls - I think we are doing a great job!!! if a little jaded!!

soverylucky · 22/08/2011 12:25

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InfinityButNotBeyond · 22/08/2011 12:32

I'm with you- ~I've had to work some of the holiday and I am really wishing that I didn't have to and that the holidays were longer as we've not fitted in all I'd like to do. With the ages of my DC (5 and 7) they are happy to potter round the house, do craft stuff, go to the park, go on bike rides and have the odd friend round - which are easy and inexpensive. I'm expecting them to need more "entertaining" in years to come but we've used our holidays to chill out.

My SAHM friends seem to be wanting the children to go back to school so they can "give the house a proper tidy" which I just find depressingly sad.

ragged · 22/08/2011 12:32

I'd love to have a part-time job and ditch the "intense" summer hol experience that being a SAHM is for me this year. Time off the kids I don't end up net quids out of pocket for? BARGAIN.
Most of my school hols since becoming a SAHM have been long and very dull. This year is only intense because I've been supporting the economic recovery booked DC into every activity going.

happystressedmum · 22/08/2011 12:38

I totally agree with you. I get so fed up with my friends who are SAHM's who complain about the school holidays and how long they are and how they cant wait for the kids to go back to school. I work 4 days a week and I would LOVE to be able to spend the summer holidays with my children rather than having to get them up early to go to various clubs. SAHM's should consider it a privilege to spend some time with the children adn not be so insensitive to working mums who HAVE to work!

GalaxyWeaver · 22/08/2011 12:39

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DrGruntFotter · 22/08/2011 12:43

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Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 22/08/2011 12:45

Galaxy yes it is a matter of empathy but equally it is a bit insensitive of them to bend my ear about how I am effectively lucky not to have to look after my kids in the summer holidays....

Anyway grass is always greener and all that...

OP posts:
DrGruntFotter · 22/08/2011 12:52

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Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 22/08/2011 12:56

DrGrunt when did I say I am not envious...? Of course I am envious, that is the whole point of my OP that I would love to have the summer off...

As I said grass is always greener...

OP posts:
DrGruntFotter · 22/08/2011 13:05

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twinklytroll · 22/08/2011 13:33

I will admit to being envious of SAHM, not in a manner that makes me want to be unpleasant but as in I would love to have what they have or what my dp has.

I will also fess up that for me and for most people I know the holidays are not hard work, they are weeks of bliss. I know my dp finds his new lifestyle much easier than working full time.

pigletmania · 22/08/2011 14:01

You would not say that if like me you have a child with sn (Autistic traits with dev delay) and pg at the same time. It's a big job taking dd out due to her behaviour and the disruption in routine is hard. Six weeks is a long time, it's not just a few weeks. All those people who love them must have angle children

saadia · 22/08/2011 14:08

YANBU - but I think it's a symptom of current lifestyles ie as an earlier poster said children don't play outside much, they don't have to help with housework so have more free time, they have such high expectations and sometimes find it difficult to play independently.

Oakmaiden · 22/08/2011 14:08

I love holidays and spending time with my children.

I just wish they would stop bickering ALL-THE-TIME.

And it will be a relief when they get back to school and I don't have to fight the urge to bang their heads together every day....

spudulika · 22/08/2011 14:10

YABU

I'm fucking gagging for the new term.

I struggle to cope with my children's mess/arguments all through the summer. But then I have got three kids of whom one is asd and another is a hormonal preteen who has a doctorate in flouncing and huffing.

I'd probably be much happier if someone else took them off my hands 8 - 6 three days a week and entertained/educated/fed them and cleared up after them, as your children's nursery does.

spudulika · 22/08/2011 14:11

"I just wish they would stop bickering ALL-THE-TIME"

I hear ya!

belgo · 22/08/2011 14:21

How long are the summer holidays in the UK? 5 or 6 weeks? It's no time at all. We have nearly nine weeks here. It's been great.

NasalCoffeeEnema · 22/08/2011 14:31

I'm trying to clear out and pack to move with 4 children who are fed up of each other but we live too far from anyone else and I don't have the time to entertain them so yes I am looking forward to them going back to school. Especially ds1 who needs the routine.
The first few weeks before this added stress were brilliant though.

Jennytailia · 22/08/2011 14:35

Dont be so bloody judgemental OP

I have 4 DC and the holidays are a struggle as they have to spend 24/7 with each other, and not with children of their own age.

My 8yo struggles with having to play and share with his younger siblings, and my little ones struggle with having to miss out of playgroup and share so much of my attention.

Sleepyspaniel · 22/08/2011 14:56

Why do we fuss amongst ourselves over who means what and who's got what harder/easier?

The fact is, when you have DCs, if you are a SAHM it's intense, if you are a WOHM it's intense. Just different kinds of intensity.

I presume your friends are decent, caring mums as I'm sure you are too OP. In that case why is it so bad to admit to feeling the pressure? Why can't a SAHM feel the intensity just because you WOHM? Confused Why can't we all empathise a bit more with each other instead of the she said/I said stuff? Sometime I feel the reason women aren't more prevalent in running the country/world is because we're all too busy sniping at each other Sad

The only mums I don't have sympathy for are those who moan about intensity but basically are totally crap parents who don't make any effort with their DCs and resent their presence.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 22/08/2011 15:03

Jenny how am I being judgemental...?

They were the ones being judgemental saying how I had no idea about how hard the holidays were, as though it is easier if you work....

I just fucked me off that they were wingeing to me as don't get to spend the summer with my DDs and wouldn't understand....I would prefer them to whinge to each other.

I agree that whether you are a working mum or a SAHM there are challenges.

OP posts:
ouryve · 22/08/2011 15:08

YABU.

I like my kids a lot more when I'm not having to entertain and referee them day in day out. They both have ASD, one of them also has ADHD and it is bloody intense being with them all the time. All the more so because they don't actually get on and they have very different interests and needs and I can't take them anywhere more interesting than the village shops on my own because they both need 1:1 attention out and about.

And no, I didn't have babies with rose tinted spectacles on about what babies are like. I didn't even start a family until I was in my mid-30s, for goodness sake. I used to work with kids, so went into it knowing perfectly well what they're like. I didn't expect to end up with kids with such extreme needs that there is little chance of me going back to work outside the home, though.

And DH works full time and jokes that he goes to work for a rest. He finds weekends and occasional days off with the kids incredibly draining.

knobbysEx · 22/08/2011 15:18

YANBU. I feel like screaming sometimes when someone I know moans about the school holidays and says "what am I meant to with him for SIX WEEKS!?!"

Errr, how about spending some time with him (maybe even teach him some discipline and manners, eh?)

No idea, some people. Don't have kids if you don't want to look after them yourself.

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