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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu....is too blinking hard too get a job that fits in with children!

234 replies

Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 13:25

a little bit of back story

I've worked all my life started when I was 12 earning money to pay for my horse (it was no job, no horse in my house) all fine.
Left school and started working full time as well as doing a full time college course, fell pengant at 18 and left college (horses and not safe to conitinue)
Had baby went to work as a nurse fine for a few years, ended up leaving due to health reasons.

Went back to work as a home carer which I did for 4 years, lovely at first but as time went on it really started to get to me that I was treated as a slave/maid/bit of scum by both the people I looked after, their family and the office. Ie went to make someone tea, only to find family had done a full 3 course Sunday dinner and left ALL the washing up for me, even though 8 family members had been there.
Ended up again leaving with health issues

Got my self back together and I find a job that fits in with c/care. No I tried working for a retail shop for a few months but got moaned at because I couldn't work Saturday's (even though it was a weekday post) and then after school club was costing me 400 a month when I was only bringing in 700. And on top of that benefits were cut, so I was actully losing money at the end of the month.

And now I can't find a job that fits in without having to use c/care. All jobs seem to want you to work on Saturday's which I can't do as dp has too work, evening work would be ok, but then I don't have bar skills etc, or working as a home carer, which I really don't want to do.

Why is it so hard to find a job, that just fits in with child care! Really need the money but every time I call up a job I get shot back because of having kids!

I can't even get a get a job during school hours because 1 there aren't any and b I'm then stuck at holiday time.

AIBU just to stay at home and claim benefits and say sod it to the job world.

OP posts:
kayah · 21/08/2011 13:58

The thing is when my kids were little all I earned went on childcare - 2 kids, they were 12 months and 3 years when I started.
I made a pact with myself that it would be worth it in the end and you know - it was.
I had live in au pair to help with the childcare once they went to school and I had to pay all those years for pre and post school care.

I know - everyone's situatio nis different, and I was happy to have someone to live with us and kids had to share their room what made them very close.
I have only one reception room and one bathroom, so all of us were laid back about all of this

scottishmummy · 21/08/2011 14:00

cant you do agency or bank nurse work?early shifts
you have cited lots of reasons not to work you need to change your emphasis

Katisha · 21/08/2011 14:01

I'll say my become a childminder idea again. Could you do that?

Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:02

I have no family around to help.

No i didn't get fired just asked to leave (it was a 6 months trail) and say said I didn't fit in with company practices. They have given me a really good ref.

I've worked hard all my life at the home care job I reg worked 30+ days in a row just to cover calls etc, then getting pissed upon. I would be out till 1 at night start at 6 the next morning, I had no life and didn't see ds much at all. But then my mum was living close by and could help. Now she's moved 120 miles away, I'm finding it I real stuggle

I know the hours I worked arnt legal, but I put myself out because I know that no one else would go and put mrs f to bed, and it was so under staffed that was unreasonable

OP posts:
mousesma · 21/08/2011 14:02

I think you need to explore a bit more thoroughly what is available as evening work, it doesn't just have to be bar work etc. Have you tried contacting local employment agencies to see what evening work they have available?
Alternatively is there anything are interested in that would allow you to be self-employed? My sister has 3 children and is trying to return to work after a 11 year absence and is also stuck as she can't afford childcare on the wage she can expect to earn. She has done some beauty courses and is setting up her own mobile beauty business which is currently gaining in momentum. Can you do something similar?

microfight · 21/08/2011 14:02

It doesn't have to be a busy club, what about a pub, restaurant or hotel. Lots of options and if you write your CV stating you are looking for a career in the industry you are likely to be snapped up. The industry is crying out for long term employees who want career progression and responsibility.

Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:03

I thought about doing child minding but I don't have the space at home, my living room is 10x8 and the 2 bed rooms aren't much bigger.

OP posts:
doesthisseemright · 21/08/2011 14:03

I think you have to have a think about your health issues and why they are interferong with you staying in work.

toniguy · 21/08/2011 14:04

In a perfect world we'd all have jobs which fitted in exactly with how we'd like our daily routine to be , and which incurred us no extra costs through childcare. However, the working world isn't like that. It is, however, more family friendly than at any previous time, whatever people might like to believe to the contrary . Nurseries, childminders and after school clubs are far more abundant than 20 years ago. And when I was a youngster in the 70s I don't think these things even existed- so my mother wouldn't have been able to work even if she'd wanted to. There is a balance to be struck - and tbh op it sounds as if you are expecting too much on exactly your terms. If you aren't qualified , the reality is, you will only really stand a chance with jobs Like shop work, bar work, care work. And you are ruling each of those out. You need to either get yourself trained and qualified to do something more skilled, or accept that for the moment these are the jobs available

lachesis · 21/08/2011 14:04

Then go into business for yourself. You are a trained nurse? Loads of self-employment things you can do - medical secretary/transcription, homecare, babysitting/childcare, etc.

The caveat is that your income isn't set.

But that's life! Either you use childcare or you go self-employed.

pranma · 21/08/2011 14:08

Have you thought of a job in a nursery using your nursing skills and using cc vouchers in your workplace or training as a teaching assistant.

aliceliddell · 21/08/2011 14:12

Slightly Shock that you all just accept this level of virtual impossibility to juggle work/childcare and are so happy to shift responsibility for the whole sorry mess on to individual women, not the social set up as a whole. Lucky the suffragettes weren't so fatalistic. They very often held insane views that things can, and should, be changed.

gramercy · 21/08/2011 14:13

YABU

What if you wanted to go to the shops at 5pm but they were all closed because everyone had to go home at 3pm to collect their children? Or the post office wasn't open in the summer holidays? Or a plumber would not come out in the week before or after Easter?

I am a SAHM because, like you, I have no family or partner support (well, actually he is loafing round the house now but during the week he's out of the house 14 hours and is sometimes away). As another poster pointed out, why should a job take me, as wonderful as though I may be (!) when they can have an eager beaver young person, or even an empty nester, who is not going to be chomping at the bit to get home/fretting about inset days etc etc?

Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:16

The thing is I've been sending out 12ish cvs a week now for around 2 months. And all I get back is sorry we need more flexibility, more exp, health issues are a prob etc (even thou I've got issues under control)

I wouldnt mind using child care, I have no issue with it. My prob is with the money side I was paying 400 a month and bring in 700, then benefits dropped plus fuel etc I was making a loss of 140 a month.

I would love to go back to work, I love working, it's just really competive around me. 45 apps for one bar job, it's crazy!

Of course they are going to go for some with x amount exp then train someone.

Again I'd love to go self employed but i havnt got skills to use to self employed. To home care self employed is a legal nightmare with all the paperwork and legitation.

I don't know why the no child care thing has come from, I would willing use it. I have no problem using it. I just wish the wage would cover it, or find a balance.

And weekday jobs were just that, weekday and not exp you to work Saturday's too.

OP posts:
toniguy · 21/08/2011 14:19

Its not virtually impossible. It is in fact easier than at any time in history to balance working and parenting. Maternity leave is longer. Nurseries, childminders etc exist. Working tax credits. Paternity leave . Children aged 3 get 16 hours - two working days - FREE childcare. Honest to god, women of my mothers generation would have laughed in your face if you'd told them this would be available to their daughters. Of course it's not always easy- but some people need to get real. A job is about doing work which needs doing- not expecting someone to hand you hours to suit on a plate!

Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:21

*when someone goes sick and expecting you to covet it, I would willingly cover it, but can't get c/care on a Saturday esp at short notice. And then jobs not taking you on because of it.

OP posts:
Katisha · 21/08/2011 14:21

OK so you havent got flexibility, abd the health issues are a problem on the CV.

Everyone is chasing school hours jobs.

So you will have to go self-emplyed - get yourself on a course to learn what you need to know - evening classes will be starting up soon - go and get a brochure. THen you could do an ironing service or something along those lines?

Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:26

So Toni what do you do with your kids at a weekend? Got family have you that helps? Cos I havnt!

When going to interview and the boss says can you work weekends at short notice, I have to say no. Then I don't the job. This is the case even with min wage, stacking shelfs job. And then to bring in less money for it.

What you do?

I can't afford to bring in less money then we do now.

I could of worked at a few places that fitted ie 3 full days in the week (less c/care costs) and all day on sunday, but the Saturday thing keeps on coming up. I get don't it because of it

What am I too do

OP posts:
toniguy · 21/08/2011 14:33

I work Monday to friday so weekends aren't an issue for 'me. However, I did enter my job as a graduate, so that was 3 years of poverty while studying hard. I also returned to work when each of my children was 6 months old so for quite a few years I made no financial gain- but the long term advantage has been a decent career.

We all make different choices and each comes with an upside and downside. Weekends aren't a problem, but nursery fees were a big drain. Now the kids are older, dh and I stagger our holiday leave so the kids don't need to spend all summer in childcare. We'd far rather have our leave together- but not possible right now. Everything comes with a price and it's just not realistic to want it all on your terms

microfight · 21/08/2011 14:34

But you could work Saturday evening couldn't you?

kayah · 21/08/2011 14:38

Muckyhighchair - how old are your kids?

WHich part of the country are you?

slartybartfast · 21/08/2011 14:43

how about evenign carer?
i see loads of adverts for carers.
or night time shelf stacker?

or working from home?

avon rep. etc.,

Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:43

Yes I could work sat eve no prob

Toni I wouldn't mind working for no gain, I understand the hole training, working up the ladder, but to be left worse off isn't an option were there is going to be no further movement, ie bar staff to head bar staff where the pay rise would mean only bringing in an extra £100 or so. One job I saw was evening work etc min wage, the head bar job was also up for £6.05, which would leave me just breaking even (although that job wouldn't be an issue as I wouldn't need c/care) it's just an example.

My friend is a store manager in a chain and works 42 hours a week, got to be sat and sun and only brings in 13,000

It's just crap living in a little town were the only people who get a good wage are those who have left. There's only one after school club, so can't shop around ether.

OP posts:
Original poster
Muckyhighchair · 21/08/2011 14:44

I'm in on the Wales border

OP posts:
chickydoo · 21/08/2011 14:52

Hi
Can you re-train? when my eldest was newborn, I knew I would have to go back to work. I re trained as a yoga instructor. This was at weekends, so DH could look after the baby....training was hard, but fantastic...... I now have 3 more kids. Kids ages 6, 9, 10, 14. I work every day 2 or 3 classes between 9.30-3.30. also work 4 evenings. 7.30-10pm.
I pick kids up everyday from school, and am home for them at weekends. In the holidays I find other teachers to do some of my classes, I stop a few over the holidays, and get a bit of childcare too. It really can work. It's a juggle, I get tired, but it has been worth it. If you re train as something now, in a year or so's time you could be doing something you adore.