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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is a **** and this is inexcusable?

139 replies

cherryburton · 21/08/2011 10:31

Can i just have a rant please? Guess what we did yesterday - we went to visit dh'S dad at the chapel of rest. Dh's birthday today - the first card he opened was from my sister. What was on the front? A fucking corpse. I kid you not. Some Edwardian bloked stretched out on the floor - the caption was something like "Jennifer didn't know what was worse, the fact that he was dead, or that he'd forgotten the corkscrew."

Words fucking fail me. It made him cry. I could fucking kill her

OP posts:
Katisha · 21/08/2011 10:40

Tell her. It made him cry. She needs to be told.

Original poster
cherryburton · 21/08/2011 10:42

Katisha, I'm tempted. But I haven't reallly spoken to her (bar the odd text) for a year or so, and I'll probably get loads of shit for making trouble. But to be honest, why should she get away with this?

OP posts:
BlowHole · 21/08/2011 10:42

If my sister had done something like that and I was sure it had been done on purpose, I would be seriously questioning her sanity, and whether she hated either me or dh. It's quite disturbing to think that someone would do something like that.

pickgo · 21/08/2011 10:43

Is it at all possible that she might not have noticed what was on the front? (just trying to save family row/more distress here)

I bought DS a card with the wrong age one memorable year, not because I forgot how old he was, just didn't notice.

In any case tho your sis should apologise for causing your poor DH more upset. Hope he's ok.

Original poster
cherryburton · 21/08/2011 10:44

This is the thing, I can't believe even she would do it on purpose, but what the fuck was she thinking? Unless she sealed up the card 4 months ago (unlikely!) I just don't understand it.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/08/2011 10:44

Not an excuse but is it possible she was trying to appeal to a black sense of humour rather than being deliberately thick and offensive?

I saw a leaving card for a colleague who had been undermined, criticised and bullied out of her job and inside it had some quip about her leaving just when she was starting to get the hang of the job. I didn't get it because I thought it might be a bit near the knuckle but I told her about it and she roared laughing.

Maybe your sister was attempting to make him smile? I don't know, sounds daft now I'm writing it!

Sorry to hear about your PIL.

pictish · 21/08/2011 10:44

Um....are you sure this was a deliberate ploy to cause hurt?
Seems to me to be thoughtlessness rather than anything else.

I think you are reading too much into it.

Katisha · 21/08/2011 10:44

Thing is with people like this is that no-one ever pulls them up for fear of the fallout.
However you don't really care about the fall out so tell her. Might make her think twice. Might not, but think you should stand up for DH - its not for her to decide whether or not he should take it as a hilarious joke.

pictish · 21/08/2011 10:45

And overreacting too....sorry.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/08/2011 10:46

FIL. I assume your MIL is still with you Blush

Original poster
cherryburton · 21/08/2011 10:47

It's just not funny on any level, I'm all ofr black humour but even I'm appalled.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 21/08/2011 10:48

When did FI die? It's quite pertinent to the fact that she may have bought it before then and simply not associated the image with the unfortunate event.

BluddyMoFo · 21/08/2011 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 21/08/2011 10:51

I agree with katisha that it's not up to your sister to decide your DH would be OK about it, she needs taking down a peg or two if that's the extent of her self centredness.

I think you should take it up with her and leave your parents out of it, she needs to be taking responsiblity and accounting for her own behaviour.

How old is she? Just out of interest.

MumblingRagDoll · 21/08/2011 10:52

Why won't you say whether you think she posted it or bought it before FILS death?

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 21/08/2011 10:53

MumblingRagDoll Sun 21-Aug-11 10:52:23
Why won't you say whether you think she posted it or bought it before FILS death?

She's already said when it was posted and that it's possible it wasn't done on purpose.

pictish · 21/08/2011 10:55

It's an ill thought out greetings card.
Personally, it would not have offended me under the same circumstances, and I lost my own mother six years ago...so I do know how it feels to lose a parent.

Move on.

SuePurblybilt · 21/08/2011 10:55

It seems all you can do is phone her and say calmly that she's really upset your DH and give her the opportunity to make it good (am all about the Rastamouse, me). Otherwise you're just going to be stewing on it and she probably won't know what she's done. Surely it can't be deliberate - I can't believe that anyone who cared enough to send both a birthday and condolence card would be that mean, it makes no sense.

diddl · 21/08/2011 10:57

TBH, it sounds like an utterly revolting card to send to anyone-best avoided unless you are absolutely certain they would find it funny.

I´d have to call her on it.

Katisha · 21/08/2011 10:58

So someone sends an ill-conceived card that makes the recipient upset enough to cry, and yet the advice is to "move on"?
Maybe yes if this was a one-off incident and the sender would be mortified to learn of the reaction, but this certainly doesn't sound the case here.
This girl needs standing up to, IMO.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 21/08/2011 11:03

Something along the same lines happened to me a few years back. I tore the offending item into bits and sent it back without explanation.
We haven't spoken since, and I've moved a few times. No loss.

BluddyMoFo · 21/08/2011 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheria · 21/08/2011 11:04

Tell her how it made you and DH feel - she'll probably be mortified. No need to cause a fuss, just let her know nicely and wait for her to apologise.

If she did it deliberately she doesn't seem to be much in your life so just evict her completely. Life is too short to have your emotions messed with by siblings.

diddl · 21/08/2011 11:07

I´d send it back with a note saying "WTF were you thinking?"

DuelingFanjo · 21/08/2011 11:07

sounds to me like it wasn't done intentionally but you have a history of disliking her and rivalry so perhaps you are taking it a bit personally. so I think yabu to call her a cunt. She should have thought before sending it though.