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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for taking DH's absolute inabilty to choose me a nice present so bloody personally and not faking gratitude

136 replies

halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:37

Dh has just landed after being away for a while. Beautiful clothes for DC's and a travel toiletry bag for me. Having told him about a month ago that i hate his toiletry bag as it's so cumbersome to pack i feel so gutted. I REALLY wasn't expecting anything, so knowing he went out and then got something so wrong really upsets me. You still have to put stuff in plastic bags anyway before you put it in so it renders it all pretty useless and it was quite expensive.

He's upset and i'm upset and i feel like such a bitch because i failed to lie and pretend i like it.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/08/2011 12:41

He went out and got something he thought you'd like after listening to what you said you needed.

YABU, unless you're implying his choice of toiletry bag is a reflection of how he gets other things wrong about you/your relationship, but you've not said anything like that in your OP, so maybe not.

LineRunner · 20/08/2011 12:44

Sorry, whose toiletry bag? I'm not following. You don't like his, but he bought one for you?

FabbyChic · 20/08/2011 12:45

Why do you have to put stuff in plastic bags first? I never have is not a bit anal?

At least he got you something.

Original poster
halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:45

Our relationship is ropey but i said specifically that i hated his bag as it is so difficult to pack and that if he broke it up into bits and put it around his case it would be easier. I just feel he doesn't hear me. So yep you hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:46

Im a bit confused- you are talking about his toiletry bag one minute then say he got you one?

Original poster
halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:47

fabbychic - am so not anal, more of a slutty mum, but i have had so many spills from conditioner, toothpaste and broken jars of cream. Something i learnt the hard way.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 20/08/2011 12:47

I'd say something deeper is wrong here.

He's been away awhile, so presumably you both should be happy to see each other/be together again.

He's made an effort and got it wrong. It could be that he doesn't care enough, or it could be that you are difficult to shop for ( I know I am!).

Don't make this 'mistake' about how crp your marriage is - unless it is crp, and then that is a different issue entirely.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2011 12:47

YABU. You sound really ungrateful tbh. It sounds like he's misunderstood why you hate his bag and wanted to buy you a nice one that you WOULD like. If I were him, I wouldn't bother next time.

Original poster
halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:48

He has a bag that i don't like and he has then aslo gone and bought me one.

OP posts:
twinklytroll · 20/08/2011 12:50

You sound spoiled and unreasonable, if I want something nice I buy it myself.

I apologise if there is more to this, which I am sure there is

ZillionChocolate · 20/08/2011 12:51

This sounds like a overreaction to a mild disappointment.

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 12:51

At least he bought the DC's something...surely that's the main thing?

If he's anything like me, he probably couldn't find anything suitable so just grabbed something at the airport rather than come home empty handed.

I agree it's something deeper than the gift because if my DH had been away, I'd be so happy to see him, I wouldn't even think about a gift.

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:52

Its all a bit of a mountain out of a molehill is it not?

Scaevola · 20/08/2011 12:52

I think what you've done is unfortunate.

Just because you said you didn't like his may quite reasonably been taken to mean exactly that - dislike of one specific one, not a dislike of all possible bags.

He thought of you, he got something for you. Is your reaction going to encourage or discourage warm thoughts about presents? Or is it going to make it a nightmare/minefield stressor?

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:53

Most men are ridiculous at buying gifts and do a last minute grab at duty free...blimey i'd have divorced years ago the amount of toblerones ive been gifted from the duty free

Original poster
halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:53

Do you know what, i know i sound like a knob but just vented. I should be grateful but i'm not. However the stuff for the kids are lovely so that does make me happy.

OP posts:
vigglewiggle · 20/08/2011 12:54

You will get stick here for being ungrateful. But as someone who finds herself in your shoes on a regular basis I can testify that it has nothing to do with the 'stuff' and everything to do with being listened to and being made to feel that some thought and effort has gone into it. And buying something that you have already said you don't like just makes you feel insignificant.

I understand where you are coming from OP, but I fear many may not. Prepare for a rough ride!

Original poster
halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:55

Am also preggers so could be just a tad over emotional! Off out as a family now so peace is restored.

OP posts:
muffinmonster · 20/08/2011 12:55

My DH brought me back a tin of soup (OK, chowder) from a business trip once. I got over it.

BluddyMoFo · 20/08/2011 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 20/08/2011 12:56

Couldn't he get into the habit of buying perfume from the duty free? Looking around for an adult present when abroad sounds like hard work, unless you're in New York and standing next to Bloomingdales!

Children are so easy to buy for and so easily pleased. It's hard to get that wrong, if you know your children well.

Salmotrutta · 20/08/2011 12:56

Oh Dear.
(As a veteran of some years standing with regard to my DHs present buying capabilities it really isn't worth getting too worked up about.)
Does he always get it "wrong"?
You say you weren't expecting anything anyway so I'd regard any gift as a bonus really.
Just be glad he got lovely things for the DCs.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2011 12:56

Are you going to apologise to him? It really doesn't seem like a big enough deal for both of you to be upset over, you know. Just say, 'I'm sorry...I was a knob...I'm glad you're home.' Life's too short to fall out over a bloody toiletries bag! :)

Original poster
halohasslipped · 20/08/2011 12:56

Thanks vigglewiggle hard hat is gratefully received.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 20/08/2011 12:58

My DH came home from work yesterday looking all excited and said "I've got you a prezzie".

I was all excited as he took a big black shiny box out of his bag and presented it to me.

It was a plastic, pint coffee cup with a closing lid Hmm As he excitedly pointed out the company logo and told me all the workers were issued with them....I didn't quite have the heart to hit him with it, so I accepted it gratefully Grin

Fucker!!!