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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think this couple are extracting the urine?

667 replies

PreviouslyonLost · 18/08/2011 15:55

I work mainly part-time, DH works off-shore. Two DC, no family nearby to help out but we manage. Our eldest DC is due to start Primary School and will only be in until noon for several weeks. To accommodate this I have used the majority of my annual leave or ensured that DH is home. Another couple who live locally and whose eldest DC will be starting school at the same time are now dropping heavy hints that we should help them out by collecting and looking after their child (This would be from noon until @5pm/or 3.30pm until @5pm when going in for full-days).

There has been no direct request (yet) but lots of 'it'll all work itself out' and 'we're all in the same boat' type comments Hmm. The DW of the couple has also commented to me that they could 'drop off their DC in the mornings' at another neighbour's house - a neighbour that otherwise they do not associate with or even speak to but who is a friend of mine.

The other couple are both Primary School teachers and have been off for the Summer Holidays (47 days) ...... so .... AIBU to think that the week before school term resumes in NOT the time to start thinking about childcare, far less make assumptions that other people should take up the slack?

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 23/08/2011 22:23

This is better than any TV soap Grin. Marking my place for the next installment...

NorfolkBroad · 23/08/2011 22:36

My god POL! They are NEVER going to get it are they? Sort out your own bloody child care like everyone else does you users! AAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wishing you bon courage for tomorrow!!

Original poster
PreviouslyonLost · 23/08/2011 22:42

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome You've summed up entire post...the other DC is the loser in this.

Happy to have child, just not so keen on disingenuous parents. How do you manage to combine the two without ending up feeling you've just been had? NOT the child's fault. Happy outcome will arrive when ODC play fair and realise that the World does NOT revolve around them. LOTS of similar stories on here, the feckin' nerve of some people. I'm not alone - and our balls are B e a u t i f u l.

ONLY 50 miles tomorrow, a mere trifle of possible ways to die in a twisted tangle of of metal (No joke, I pass a LOT of roadside bouquets...not a road for the nervous driver you understand). DC1 LOVING School, DC2 is a happy carefree bunny, DH is my most beloved, and MN is your conscience talking Smile.

OP posts:
Katisha · 23/08/2011 22:45

Hahah love the last sentence. If only all threads on MN could end like that!

Teachermumof3 · 23/08/2011 23:22

Well done so far, but are are you sure she doesn't think your DH has agreed!? Did he say no?

Only problem with this display of (real) balls is that she is now aware that either DH or I will be around for all the 12 pick-ups, and knows that we have the 3.30's covered too!!!

Surely-they know that you (and the rest of the parents of the Reception intake-except them) already have this covered anyway!?

clappyhands · 23/08/2011 23:23

this is the thread that keeps on giving.....

your DH is a star Grin

HotSummerNights · 24/08/2011 02:35

I'm cheering you on from the sidelines POL. I can't believe the cheek of this couple.

Is the road the A9 per chance? I hate that road with a passion.

Jacksmania · 24/08/2011 04:45

Sounds like our Sea-to-Sky Highway

Sending you lots of safe driving vibes :)

BTW - MNHQ should maybe issue guidelines for Classic threads because I'm obviously not the only one who thinks they're cracked if this thread isn't a Classic Shock.
Fortunately it's not in Chat so it will be around forever and ever :)

And PSML at "a massive pair of cojones suddenly dropped from my pelvic cavity"

TheDailyWail · 24/08/2011 07:53

I'd print a list of local childminders and The next time she mentions about this say "I printed this out for you as I know you need to put something in place for your children on a permanent basis. There's only so long that you can rely on other's good nature to help you out"

Or a little more blatant; stick childminder list on door. And draw a pair of balls on it. Wink

BalloonSlayer · 24/08/2011 08:20

My first post on this thread, tho' have enjoyed it enormously!

Well done POL!

What stands out to me most is that the parents didn't even want to be there for their DC's first day at school, and wanted to offload that precious moment on to someone else! Sad Poor little mite.

I start a new job on the first day of term this year. DD is going into year 5, yes YEAR FIVE and I have persuaded DH to go in late so that she has one of us to take her to school on the first day of term, even though she loves the childminder and would be absolutely fine going in with her. I just think - first day of term - it's nice to have mum or dad there to gee you up just in case you're feeling a bit nervous.

I can't imagine having a four year old DC asking (as they do) "Who's taking me to school on my first day, Mummy?" and having to reply "Oh I'm not sure yet, um, maybe X or perhaps Y."

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 24/08/2011 08:30

I'd print a list of local childminders and The next time she mentions about this say "I printed this out for you as I know you need to put something in place for your children on a permanent basis. There's only so long that you can rely on other's good nature to help you out"

Good idea.

I can't imagine having a four year old DC asking (as they do) "Who's taking me to school on my first day, Mummy?" and having to reply "Oh I'm not sure yet, um, maybe X or perhaps Y."

That's awful! Sad

Jacaqueen · 24/08/2011 08:39

Started reading this over the weekend and have just caught up. Fantastic that you and your DH are standing up to this.

They have had all summer to sort this out. Infact they have had the last 5 years since the child was born. As teachers they should know better than most what childcare is required.

The next thing you have to watch out for is inservice days. Obviously they as teachers will be working. Find out when they are and make sure you have firm plans in place for these days.

HSMM · 24/08/2011 09:01

Well done POL and POL's DH.

As others have said, make sure it's clear the answer was 'no'.

A list of Childminders is a good idea, because you can show you are helping.

This would make a great mini-series on TV :)

I am a CM and one of DD's friends parents tried to get me to pick up her DD as a 'favour' for a 'couple of terms'. I said she could pay, or another child could take the paid space in my car. (Trying to take food out of my baby's mouth .... goes off mumbling).

plupervert · 24/08/2011 10:40

Time to clear the air, or this will go on forever, and you will be on edge for the rest of the year.

Why not ring them up and tell them that DH has told you what she said in the playground, and you just want to confirm that you can't help her out with this. You have busted your guts to get your own childcare sorted, and she had all summer to do the same, and you are very disappointed to see that she hadn't done so. Surely her children deserve more security than that? You don't want to hear any more hints about her childcare, as the hints have been really annoying you.

Now that would take balls.

SinicalSal · 24/08/2011 10:46

What Plupervert said.

get it over and done with and a line drawn under it. The conversation will be on your terms and you'll be less likely to get tangled and guilted into agreeing to something you don't want. And I can't remember who said it upthread but 'I don't want the responsibility' is an excellent reason. Unarguable - with.

butternut234 · 24/08/2011 12:39

Oh no I've reached the end!!!! Need more updates please! I started reading this this morning in my son's naps and have just spent the last hour catching up the rest now he's in bed (Australia here). Can't WAIT for more installments, this is the best thread I've read! Am anxious she may think your DH hasn't said no though... (gosh, even I'm checking my ellipses now although - hate to say it - but I actually think they're really supposed to be. . . and computer autocorrects get it wrong).

Jacaqueen · 24/08/2011 13:27

Just thinking about this some more.

Considering they are teachers I think their behaviour and attitude to their parental responsibility is shocking.

First day of school is a big deal. I can clearly remember with both of my children the morning before. Feelings of excitement and fear, not being able to eat breakfast, putting on new clothes, worrying if anyone would talk to you. And that was just me!

As a parent it is one of those Kodak moments that you wouldn't want to miss unless you absolutely had no choice. (And of course not all parents can make it). If you were not going to be able to be there yourself you would go to extra lengths to ensure you had plans in place to make the day as easy as possible for your child. It breaks my heart to think of that little child, who was probably already feeling nervous, having to be dragged around the neighbourhood whilst the feckless parents found someone to take them to school.

Also most teachers I know get to school well before 8am and never leave before 5pm. I dont think many of them go out of school at lunchtime either.

I really dont like this couple!

gettingeasier · 24/08/2011 13:41

Fab thread and OP I too loved the stealthy hand on door handle moment Smile

Oh and I vote for the "No I dont want to" if they ever get round to asking directly

This is my first reading on AIBU , is it always this good ????

PinkSchmoo · 24/08/2011 14:06

Does anyone else think that the stealthy hand at the door may have been that of a 4 year old in new school uniform, tears in eyes and primed to say "mummy told me you would bring me to school"?

hairfullofsnakes · 24/08/2011 14:09

Excellent suggestion from pluppervert! Do it PoL do itttt!

tablefor3 · 24/08/2011 15:44

PinkSchmoo oohh.... no that would have been something! Shock

Previously (and Mr Previously) - stick with it. I think I can see your balls from here in north London!

(ps - and keep up the story....)

(pps - drive safely)

Pang · 24/08/2011 16:51

I did this for a parent of a friend of my DD. Had the child most days after school ( for 2 years) because mum was working or studying. Thought mum and I had become friends - she stop in for coffee and a chat. But once mum's studies finished and her DD was deemed old enough to go home lone, she no longer needed a babysitter I stopped hearing from her.

Don't be a mug like I was. If you comment yourself to doing something like this do it because you want to otherwise you will resent it.

By the way, I still see the child. I had her so often she became like a second DD. She's a teen now and she still stays over - sometimes for weekends. But I don't speak to her mother.

Pang · 24/08/2011 17:05

Sorry I meant "commit" not comment.

Seabird72 · 24/08/2011 18:39

Read as much of this thread as I could to find out what would happen! The best solution would have been (IMO) to have said in one of those early conversations "would love to help out but..." then you've made your excuse. It's difficult because there will always be at least one person in your life who will try and take advantage of a "friendship" whether it's real or not. There are too many people who will use the "friendship" as an excuse to constantly expect favours to help them out but in reality once you are no longer needed (as Pang found) then you never hear from them again - which is fine on the one hand because it means you won't be asked again but on the other hand it's depressing how easy it is to be used. I try and keep to myself these days now kids are older but have now found a "friend" who is constantly asking me to "check in on her dog" knowing that her dog won't do it's business in the garden so I have to walk it before feeding it and she calls after she's left for work without arranging any sort of care for it - it's irritating because it feels like you're just expected to be around - I'm at home with 3 kids and 3 dogs during school hols and yet instead of thinking I might be out and about with them she thinks I'll be waiting for her call??!! Sadly she's not the only one - another couple expect to go off on regular holidays (and 17 day cruises) and I'm asked to have their dog - yes the dog is no trouble at home but in my home with 3 other dogs and 3 noisy kids it acts differently - I said no to the cruise and felt terrible - it's how it leaves you feeling for saying no and then you feel angry because you shouldn't be made to feel that way - but if you don't say no then you just get dumped on over and overe aagin and word gets round that you're an easy mark - at the end of the day people should just learn that when they have children or take on animals it's their responsibility to take care of them but sadly it's a lesson people don't seem able to learn.

antshouse · 24/08/2011 19:04

Just read thread and am cheering you on.

I can just imagine the eye rolling in the staff room when this pair are asked about their daughter's first day of school and they recount the story of driving around the neighbourhood scouting for someone to take her in!