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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think if you are struggling to feed your children

62 replies

biddysmama · 16/08/2011 12:32

you shouldnt hire a cleaner

a couple of weeks ago my friend was telling me she only has £50 a week to feed her,her dh and 2 children and that shes really struggling..... now she cant keep on top of the housework so shes looking for a cleaner

OP posts:

choclatelickurs · 16/08/2011 12:32

lol

Tee2072 · 16/08/2011 12:33

That's called messed up priorities.

fargate · 16/08/2011 12:39

....................unless, having a cleaner provides your 'friend' with more hours in paid work - if she earns more than she pays her cleaner?

Original poster

biddysmama · 16/08/2011 12:41

she's sahm so shes not in paid work

OP posts:

gaaagh · 16/08/2011 12:41

"unless, having a cleaner provides your 'friend' with more hours in paid work - if she earns more than she pays her cleaner?"

Exactly.

Paying a cleaner £10 an hour if she's on £20 an hour or on a salary and working towards meeting goals for a promotion (with higher pay) can make it a sensible idea.

You cannot always think of the short term.

That's the common failure we see again and again on threads where women post "I'm only earning £40 to work this month because of childcare fees and commuting costs, it's not worth it, is it?" Er.... look at the bigger picture.

gaaagh · 16/08/2011 12:43

A SAHM who can't keep on top of the housework?

2 children - how old?
How big is the house?
Does her DH not pick up after himself?

I fail to see how a SAHP with 2 children "can't keep on top of the housework" unless there are other influencing factors. Is she able bodied, mentally sound, or have caring duties to grandparents too... etc?

squeakytoy · 16/08/2011 12:44

She has plenty of time to do cleaning if she isnt doing much cooking or shopping

Original poster

biddysmama · 16/08/2011 12:45

the children are 1 and 4 shes able bodied etc and no other caring duties, 2 bed house.

OP posts:

fargate · 16/08/2011 12:46

is your 'friend' studying? Maybe.

choclatelickurs · 16/08/2011 12:46

makes me snigger at sahm who cant keep their houses clean, particularly with older kids at school all day

it must take about an hour tops to keep on top of it, a bit more once a week for a good going over

bit pathetic isnt it

DraculasMum · 16/08/2011 13:02

Oer.. She has lost the plot!

InstantAtom · 16/08/2011 13:08

YABU. It's totally her choice and she may have good reasons for needing a cleaner. Not everyone finds it easy to keep on top of things.

It's none of anyone else's business and a good friend will respect other people's choices even if they seem illogical, not sneer and laugh.

TheMonster · 16/08/2011 13:08

A SAHM with a cleaner. Lucky cow.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 16/08/2011 13:11

I am a SAHM to 2 small dc. It is difficult to keep on top of so I do have sympathy. ANd it's up to her how she spends the money. But I do get my big judgeypants on if this takes priority over her food budget. She has a dp for christs sake, why can't he help? I do the same to a woman I know who swanned off to Ibiza for a girly holiday on a whim and is now struggling to cover food for her and her dd. But it's not stopping her getting a tattoo later this month either

redexpat · 16/08/2011 13:14

Perhaps she just doesn't like cleaning? Either way I can't really see it's any of your business. They could have found the money from somewhere else in their budget, you just don't know.

InstantAtom · 16/08/2011 13:31

Some people buy 3 bottles of wine a week, save £20 a week towards a holiday, spend £20 going out each week, or spend £3 a day on other non-essentials such as extra clothes/shoes/makeup/magazines/takeaway coffees.

Others would prefer to spend the money on a cleaner.

Why should one form of treat/luxury be better or worse than other? Why do some people find it acceptable to spend £20 a week on any of those other things, but not on getting the housework done?

redskyatnight · 16/08/2011 13:32

I have a friend like that too - she is seemingly forever moaning about struggling to pay for basics like food, school uniform for the children, electricity bill etc. And then announces the next week that she has booked a holiday or bought tickets for Legoland or something. She has an odd idea of accounting where she seems to keep some money aside for luxuries whilst skimping and saving to pay for essentials.

ragged · 16/08/2011 13:33

They aren't really that skint, OP, you know that. Just bite your tongue unless you can see the kids are truly hungry.

BonnieLassie · 16/08/2011 13:35

There's no excuse for a woman at home all day to have a cleaner. She's just lazy and needs a good kick up the arse.

sunshineandbooks · 16/08/2011 13:38

Other people's finances are always weird unless they share every little detail with you. Prioritising housework over food is definitely a bit odd on face value.

OTOH, a SAHM with two pre-schoolers can quite legitimately claim to have trouble doing all the housework. Presumably she's a SAHM because she wants to be at home with her DC, not plonking them in a play-pen in front of the TV while she does the vacuuming and ironing. There's a reason nursery staff/CMs aren''t expected to do a load of cleaning work while caring for children - it's because if you're doing it right it's a full-tie job in itself and unless you've got textbook easy children who both nap at the same time it's not always possible to get ANY housework done. Give the woman a break.

gaaagh · 16/08/2011 13:39

"There's no excuse for a woman at home all day to have a cleaner."

Or a man for that matter.

FWIW, I think OP is BU.

I asked about her caring duties because I was curious, but basically think:

It's her money. She's the carer responsible for her DCs. Unless she bitches and moans (which invites a comment) it's really her call what to spend her money on.

How many times do we see on threads that women employ a cleaner to keep their sanity as a replacement for a shirking husband?

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 16/08/2011 13:40

Bonnie that's a bit of a generalisation wouldn't you say? And, assuming you are not struggling financially why on earth should you need an excuse?

MissPenteuth · 16/08/2011 13:43

Quite right BonnieLassie, because SAHMs are obviously sitting on the sofa drinking tea all day

I agree with sunshineandbooks, I'm a SAHM to one toddler and I manage - just - to stay on top of the housework. Add another child into the mix and I can see how it would get on top of people. And it can be really stressful trying to juggle it all. It's not just about financial priorities; having a cleaner would free up more of her time to spend with the children. And God knows I'd be so much happier and more relaxed if I didn't have to constantly worry about what houswork needs doing.

Tee2072 · 16/08/2011 13:45

I think if you are struggling to feed your family you definitely don't need a cleaner. Or a clean house if you feel you can't keep on top of the cleaning.

I wish I could afford a cleaner and I only have one child. Of course I also have several health issues that exhaust me. And I work part time.

controlpantsandgladrags · 16/08/2011 13:46

I have some sympathy as I have a 3yo and 18mo myself and it truly is difficult to keep on top of everything. However my house will remain as it is.......I would rather be able to pay my bills and feed my children than have my house cleaned!

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