to think if you are struggling to feed your children

[biddysmama]

you shouldnt hire a cleaner

a couple of weeks ago my friend was telling me she only has £50 a week to feed her,her dh and 2 children and that shes really struggling..... now she cant keep on top of the housework so shes looking for a cleaner

It's a matter of personal choice. I personally have only had a cleaner when I am working at least half the week, and could not justify the expense or the idleness to myself if I were a SAHM. However I know someone (quite well-off) who has had both a cleaner and an au pair, and that was with 2 schoo-age and one pre-school child who did part-time nursery - I am sure it is not all that unusual in wealthier circles.

I am being faced with a reduction in overall household income and need to consider carefully whether I can continue to pay for a cleaner, but I will keep her on as long as I can as good, reliable trustworth cleaners are hard to find and I am sure if we were to lose her we would not be able to get her back.

Everyone has their own set of priorities - I have known a low-income single parent who goes to about two gigs a month, several festivals a year, and has quite a few tattoos. But she doesn't drink or ever get take-away food or eat out, things which other people can spend quite a lot on, for example.

"OTOH, a SAHM with two pre-schoolers can quite legitimately claim to have trouble doing all the housework. Presumably she's a SAHM because she wants to be at home with her DC, not plonking them in a play-pen in front of the TV while she does the vacuuming and ironing. There's a reason nursery staff/CMs aren''t expected to do a load of cleaning work while caring for children - it's because if you're doing it right it's a full-tie job in itself and unless you've got textbook easy children who both nap at the same time it's not always possible to get ANY housework done. Give the woman a break."

This has got to be a joke!
nursery staff etc don't do housework because it is not their job, caring for children is their job. Parents are paying them to do that.

SAHMs do not pay childcare. Therefore they can't expect to be able to spend the same amount of time with the child as someone who is doing for a job. Houses need cleaning and tidying! I can't believe there is a SAHM in the world who doesn't leave her child in a playpen/with the tv/in the garden/playing in their rooms/reading a book or SOMETHING for at least an hour a day to get the housework done. Hell, most of us come home in the evening after work and leave our children to occupy themselves while we cook for them and clean up after them. That's being a mum!

Get a cleaner because you're a SAHM don't like cleaning - fine, good for you, if that's how want to spend your money.
Get a cleaner becuase you're a SAHM who needs to be activiely stimulating your child every minute of every day - as if!

I bet she's just pretending she's broke as others have said.

Oh and I'm a SAHM with a cleaner and a gardener and thats not that u

Oops pressed post too quickly - was just going to say I know plenty of SAHMs who have cleaners and gardeners.

I know I am lucky though.

Hell, most of us come home in the evening after work and leave our children to occupy themselves while we cook for them and clean up after them. That's being a mum!

But you've been at work all day. There is a lot less mess to clean up than if you'd been at home all day with the DC. I know this because I had twins and for the first 2 years I worked mainly from home, whereas now I work full-time. It's easy to keep on top of domestic stuff when you work full time - no one is at home to make the mess in the first place.

And the domestic examples you've given are directly related to caring for the DC manicinsomniac. Even nursery staff and CMs do those sorts of child-centred tasks. But what about all the other myriad of domestic chores?

In a relationship where there are two fo you, I passionately believe that in the interests of fairness the SAHM should primarily care for the DC. If she can get bits and pieces of housework done, great, but it shouldn't be automatically expected of her. Whatever she can't get done in the time period her partner is WOH should be divided between the two parents so that they both have the same amount of free time.

It's actually easier if you're a single parent like me, because while there's only one adult to do it, there's only one adult making the mess/creating washing in the first place.

If someone whinges to me they can barely feed thier family, they would get a face if they got a cleaner in.

If a sham's situation can afford for her to have a cleaner - why the fuck not?! Why the martyrdom?

In response to the OP it sounds like she was either exaggerating her skintness to you or she has someone else paying for the cleaner.

I am a sahm with school age dc and I have a cleaner.

And I have a lovely time thanks.

Snigger, sniff judge away.

I shall sip my wine, read my book, do what the fuck I like. I can learn to live with your disappointment.

Be happy. What a worthy life you lead. Well done. Have a sit down love.

Well said pag

And as a cleaner myself, I'd like nothing better to come home and have had my house cleaned by somebody else.
I mean, if you can afford it, who wouldn't.

you can actually feed a family on 30 a week, and it is completly her business how she uses her family money. it is no one elses business at all.

Some people would go mental without a cleaner. I would favour it over holidays, clothes, going out and just about anything (except maybe food and even then ....)