Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

[Clary]

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening

Not read whole thread (probably a mistake).

A lot of posters have said they have to take their boys into the female changing as they have SN and need to be with them.

I was wondering what happens when the children get older, what cut-off age they would use.

Merry I'm with you tbh. Have chucked ds1 repeatedly in the sea recently and continue to do so until he needs gloves and hoods (which he can't tolerate) on a good year we can go from about April to December.

Swimming is so good for him, relaxes him, is one of the few physical activities he can do, and therefore decreases challenging behaviours.

Sardine - they end up unable to access swimming, which is pretty poor. Unfortunately the access needs of people with severe learning disabilitiesis often poorly understood. In our local pool there are changing cubicles and family rooms but because they're in separate male/female changing rooms they're not accessible.

And for the people that never take their child swimming because they don't want them changing in a disabled loo

Really? I spent my whole childhood changing in toilets (and normal, small sized cubicles too not big disabled ones) - school to ballet - change in the car on the way. ballet - brownies - change in the toilets in the church hall. school to shops - change in the toilets in the shopping centre. hockey to gymnastics - change in the toilets at the leisure centre. They're hardly terrible places!

In fact I STILL get changed in the toilets on a regular basis because I'm a teacher and, when we have games, it's either toilets or in the changing rooms in front of all the children!

But Andrew - the pools with cubicles are usually in male/female areas and therefore unable to be used.

Depending on the natural of their SN, as they get older they may be able to change by themselves.

OP, I think YABU to challenge parents about this. Perhaps they did have genuine reasons to have their older boys with them but didn't wish to have to explain themselves to a stranger? I would rather give people the benefit of the doubt, you can't tell by looking whether they would need help or not.

At our swimming pools you need 1 adult per child until the youngest child is 5 so that makes it impossible for anyone with small children to go swimming and means they can save the money on updating the changing rooms.

YANBU though op. My mum is very obese and had managed to lose nearly 4 stone of the 15 she has to lose to be a normal weight by swimming every day. When the school holidays started, she said she found it very difficult and embarrasing having boys who looked 7/ 8 plus in the changing room and stopped swimming completely after some fattist comments. I do think that if parents take their older children (i.e.8-12) into the wrong sex changing rooms they should clearly not be able to ogle other occupants of the changing rooms, and any inappropriate comments should be dealt with not laughed off.

Our local swimming pools have same sex communal changing rooms. We are trying to fight to keep some of them open as the council wants to close some to save money - so no chance of them spending money to create family cubicles.

I think parents are BVU to take boys into ladies changing rooms when they are older than the rules allow. It doesn't matter whether as a parent you think there is no problem taking your 10 year old DS into the ladies. Rules are made by balancing the wishes and needs of all parties - not just yours.

Of course most people would make an exception for a child with disabilities. I have taken a boy into a ladies changing room - but his disability was very obvious.

TBH if your son doesn't have a severe disability, you need to think about how you deal with this - not just respond by breaking the rules.

But what age would people stop taking their boys in, if they have SN?

I mean, is there a cut off? People are saying 10, 11, fine, assume they have SN. Is there a point at which people agree boys shouldn't be in the female changing rooms irrespective of SN?

We did belong to a health club that said we could use the disabled loo (it was set up as a disabled changing room). The problem with that was that it was often occupied. What do you think a severely autistic non-verbal child does when presented with a locked room they're meant to be in getting changed in? If you don't know count yourself lucky!

It meant that pool became completely inaccessible as well. And it was never great as after changing you'd still have to walk past the showers etc anyway.

Well personally I think my son should be allowed to be a changing room at any age especially as he has zero interest in female bodies. But I don't take him in any more (aged 12).

Our local ones all have cubicles BTW. Also some of them have doors on the showers inside the changing rooms, and a bench for your stuff.

I thought ones without cubicles went out in the dark ages TBH!

OK, so am wondering what on earth I ought to be doing when I take the children I childmind to the pool.
I am paid to care for these children and to LOOK after them. Not them be in another part of a building away from me, unsupervised.
Luckily enough our local pool has cubicles so they can get changed in the ones next to mine and chat through the doors to me. Thank goodness it's not a communal one or else I'd have to put up with the kind of nonsense spouted in this thread.
People seriously need to loosen up about their body image and relax.

If males have SN then they can go in the ladies whatever the age?

What about making the females feel uncomfortable?

I think for that to work we would have to have a culture change and all be a lot more comfortable with nudity, and have mixed changing facilities for all.

Our pool changing room is entirely floor to ceiling cubicles with doors. Solves the problem right there.

"What about making the females feel uncomfortable"?

What about said females getting over themselves?

Lesley my son's disability is severe (he will need 24 hour care for the rest of his life - full time 1:1 when outside a locked area etc etc) he is in receipt of higher rate dla care and mobikity that has been awarded for life. yet his disability isn't at all obvious (I assume given the reaction to him from members of the public on a daily basis). I'm not sure that the disability being obvious=okay is a good division. I know people who are very obviously disabled who are quite capable of changing alone.

'People seriously need to loosen up about their body image and relax.'

Some people are always going to be more 'relaxed' than others.

Also, many times, teens/pre-teens/puberty can be a time where someone is far, far less comfortable with their body than an adult or young child.

That should be respected, not just dismissing them telling them to get over it and just relax.

Squishy, have you actually read any of this thread?

Most grown women couldn't give a damn but developing young women DO.

And my DD hasa bloody right to get changed away from the eyes of 10, 11 and 12 year old boys she may go to school with!

In fact, DD would stop going. It would make her too uncomfortable.

Sardine- my pool has cubicles. I change him in there during the 90 mins Of disabled swimming per week otherwise he's legging it round the place. He's not allowed in there except during the one disabled swimming session a week because it's in the ladies. Incidentally the teenage girls who go to the diving club use the pool at the same time and every week they change at the same time as the men/boys with learning disabilities and physical disabilities apparently without problem.

I actually think it's pretty outrageous to suggest that young women should strip naked, dry intimate parts of their body and basically just suck up the fact that some mothers are so entitled and precious that they will bring equally developing young men into an all female space.

No, fuck off with that. It's bordering on creepy and slightly abusive. And I would say something to you and to the staff if you were in my pool.

If there are cubicles then I don't think there should be much of an issue with where people get changed. If it is a communal changing area with no cubicles then there is an issue. Most places I've been to lately just have open plan unisex changing with lots of cubicles, which is the way it should be.

So let's be clear, SquishyCinnamonSwirls, are you saying I am wrong to object to the presence of older girls (but still children) in the male changing room?

You loosen up if you want, Squishy, I like my privacy.

I agree halcyon. I would be quite capable of getting ds1 changed at out local pool without anyone seeing him. He wouldn't notice them at all anyway, but even if he was intested they'd have to be parading round for him to see given the huge numbers of cubicles at our pool. He's still not allowed in there though :sigh: