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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

632 replies

Clary · 16/08/2011 00:40

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
organicgardener · 17/08/2011 00:26

Isn't 9 and 10 old enough to be going to the Mens/Boys changing rooms alone?

Original poster
Clary · 17/08/2011 00:59

Sorry all, didn't mean to post and run.

Firstly, I sympathise with those whose sons have perhaps ASD or other non-visible SN and cannot get changed alone.

It sounds to me as if some of you could have a 15yo son who needs your help. You can see it's not OK if he is in the women's - not with me (no I am not so stunningly beautiful Grin but with my 10yo DD and her friends, starting to hit puberty some of them. I think there should be separate ch facs for families with a child with SN. But I also think in general this is a red herring to my original complaint (tho clearly not to jimjams and others personally) - my concern was that people seem to think a 10yo NT boy cannot be expected to change in the men's. With his brother btw.

I should perhaps add here that my pool actually does have lockable cubicles as well as an open area; but I like to use the open area (not so cramped and faffy, floor has mats to dryer), and also I and others sometimes strip off in the shower. I presume we none of us mind other women seeing us; but perhaps we might mind if 10yo boys were there?

Do 9 and 10yo boys become pervs?Well, no, in a way, but also yes. If you had heard DS2 and his mate (both 8yo) giggling over the bra scene in Big the other day, you would see what I mean. I have no problem over the giggles over a funny scene; I would have a problem if it was a real-life girl in the pool they were laughing at. I think the point some people make about other kids from a child's school is a very good one.

Some people are suggesting that a 10yo NT boy (or girl indeed) somehow "needs" family changing space (which there isn't at our pool) to get ready for swimming. This I find most bizarre of all TBH. I can see that someone with SN needs that family space; but doe people really think that an NT 10yo can't manage to get changed?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 08:13

It is a shame that those 10yr olds with overbearing mothers don't get on their dignity and say 'sorry mother-I am going into the mens- and just go'.

I can't understand how these women get them to go into the ladies, mine would roll their eyes, and say 'I'm a big boy now'-and they would have been doing it by 8yrs.
They must dread swimming-in case they are seen by someone they know-changing with mummy.[embarrassed]

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 08:13

Sorry should have been Blush

newpup · 17/08/2011 08:57

I have complained several times at our health club about boys way too old to be in the female changing rooms. They are quite capable of changing themselves and if not should be in the disabled changing room. Which is available for families to use at our club.

It is not fair on my 12 year old DD that she is expected to change with boys of age 9 plus. I would not want to do that either. I have resorted to asking the mothers if they realise there is a family/disabled changing room but have been told twice that it is nothing to do with me! Thus I resorted to complaining at reception who then send a member of staff to ask them to leave and use the family changing room.

For goodness sake, my Dds could dress themselves by the age of 5. What do these boys do at school!?

SardineQueen · 17/08/2011 09:48

Morning all!

I wanted to apologise to pagwatch as I think I upset her yesterday. I felt very strongly that what had been suggested by two of the posters (not her) was unfair and I get with a dog like a bone sometimes and can't drop things as long as people are still arguing the other side.

Still probably on balance I should have done that as obviously this is a very emotive issue for lots of people.

SardineQueen · 17/08/2011 09:55

Oh and saintly of course it bothers me that I can only do walking and swimming. It was very difficult when I was a small child having such restricted mobility, and pain, and a lot of operations and all the rest of it. I have grown up with that and am used to not being able to do most stuff, that's just how it is.

I am not sure how you got from my post that I "didn't mind" as I really do and really have done all of my life. I thought my post was pretty clear but that's MN for you I guess.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 10:47

For goodness sake, my Dds could dress themselves by the age of 5. What do these boys do at school!?

They manage perfectly OK. They go swimming on a very tight time schedule, go into the men's changing room and even the most dippy and uncoordinated manage-I dare say they would revert if mum was there!
From now on I am going to complain to the management if parents think they are above the rules. They also shouldn't be taking up the disabled spaces if there is nothing wrong with them-other than the handicap of an over protective mother.

daytoday · 17/08/2011 11:27

Boys in changing room? If the mother has brought the boy in, aged 9/10 then there's a reason, whether you agree or nor. What an intolerant person you are.

I have sons and daughters, and really couldn't give a hoot.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 11:45

Of course there is often no reason-other than an overprotective mother!!
If the notice says 8yrs and they are over-get the management to tackle her. No one minds a SN, but OP isn't talking about them-just mothers who won't cut the apron strings and don't have a DS brave enough to march off to the mens on his own.Why a normal 9/10yr old boy puts up with it is beyond me!

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 11:46

Have you actually read the entire thread daytoday? People do give a hoot-especially girls 12/13/14yrs.

muminthemiddle · 17/08/2011 12:03

After reading this thread I now know why some men grow up to be completely useless.

Has anyone else noticed how nobody has insisted that their 10 year old DAUGHTER needs mummy dear to dry her and dress her?

annbenoli · 17/08/2011 12:07

so its not ok for boys to go into ladies changing rooms supervised by their mums but it is ok for lesbians to ?/ I am not in anyway saying that they shouldn't my point is that this is all ridiculous and presumes that everyone is obsessed with sex whereas infact they just want to get changed safely before and after a swim. By covering bodies up and segregating all the time we are telling children that there is a problem. Get a life, get changed and go for a swim.

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 12:10

It also explains why women have trouble with MIL-DH has never challenged the woman. They need to start young. 8yr is old enough to state I am a male-I will use the male changing room.

annbenoli · 17/08/2011 12:10

oh and when they are at school yes they dress themselves but they are not in a changing room without a responsible adult and the public are not in there with them, that is the difference!

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 12:11

A lesbian is a female Hmm

exoticfruits · 17/08/2011 12:11

Sorry-meant the confused face. They are females-the changing room says female-what is the problem?

muminthemiddle · 17/08/2011 12:17

Blimey I never thought about lesbians trying to get a look at my fanjo. That's all I need, enough to put me off venturing out in public ever again.

maxybrown · 17/08/2011 12:26

so, is it ok for the 10 year old girl to in with her Dad?

maxybrown · 17/08/2011 12:26

sorry, Go in

SardineQueen · 17/08/2011 12:33

No it isn't maxi, if the pool says that is over the cut off age.

I am thinking that some of the more recent posters haven't read the thread? Most of these points have been covered at some length in the course of discussion yesterday. Including the issues surrounding lecherous lesbians and pubescent girls going and changing in communal mens changing areas.

HTH

lachesis · 17/08/2011 12:54

'By covering bodies up and segregating all the time we are telling children that there is a problem. Get a life, get changed and go for a swim.'

It's a cultural and ethnic issue for many. Downright insulting to patronise people who, for one reason or another, are not comfortable with changing in front of people of the opposite sex and paint them all as uptight, sexually-repressed freaks who just need to get over it and go starkers. Hmm

maxybrown · 17/08/2011 13:17

sorry I was on thread at start then it got waabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long for me to keep tbh Blush i don't think it's ok btw, was just throwing it in to those posters that was all

lesley33 · 17/08/2011 13:35

annbenoli - I don't think it is suggesting people are obsessed with sex. In our culture and in many others, women and men do not expose parts of their body to strangers of the opposite sex. This doesn't mean that if a man caught a glimpse of a woman's breasts for example, that they are going to go wild with sexual lust.

But it does mean that most people would feel very embarassed - men and women, to risk exposing themself to a stranger of the opposite sex. Or even worse someone you know vaguely e.g. man who works in a local store.

It is unfair and pretty patronising to just tell people they shouldn't be embarassed about the thought of doing this. I know I wouldn't go swimming if I had to change in a mixed sex changing room and I am sure many women and girls would feel the same.

In terms of lesbians - I am gay and I have talked about this with other female gay friends. Generally the lesbian I have talked to would hate to think other women might think they were eyeing them up. So instead they are very careful not to look at any woman's exposed body.

yuma · 17/08/2011 13:45

I don't think it's a big deal if they are younger than teenagers. If they are old enough to be masturbating it is not appropriate but otherwise who cares.

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