Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

[Clary]

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening

Haven't read the whole thread, but should point out to sardine/carpetlover that an additional solution is women-only swimming sessions - common in many urban areas I think. Now that's not brilliant because it's only a couple of hours a week, and you might argue that it's not a good balance, but it does help a bit.

But the answer, of course, is proper provision of family changing rooms - our local Rec is very good for these thank heavens, because I'm far from sure that DS will be OK alone in the men's when he's 8 (mild ASD).

Um as I don't take my son to non disabled sessions so no shrug from me either. I'm surprised so many think limiting access to 90 minutes a week is acceptable. Lesley the disabled toilets are actually in the female changing rooms anyway - there are no unisex disabled toilets. So aside from the waiting to use it issue my son would still be standing in the ladies anyway (true of the private health club as well who told me to do exactly that).

The disabled swimming club finishes at one. There used to be half an hour between the club finishing and the public session starting. That was changed so the public now come in straight away. Rather than a sign saying 'please be aware that disabled swimming finishes at 1pm so there may be a short period where changing rooms are mixed' we were told we had to clear off out the changing room by 1pm - so reducing already limited pool time. I think that's pretty poor tbh. I'm surprised more don't.

I don't think walking a teenager across a car park or by foot in a dressing gown is really a very good solution. It would not be an acceptable solution for someone not wanting to use a mixed changing room either and had i suggested that there would be uproar.Someone would probably report him for being indecent. If I tried to change him by the car he'd be done for indecent exposure (he's not discreet). Anyway I dread to think what he would do if I tried that one - you get out the pool you take your trunks off - good luck explaining that's no longer the rules. Watch the blood hit the wall on that one.

Milly
It's fine..
thanks for your post. You explain what you mean clearly and actually I agree with you.

As with many things people with different needs end up fighting for provision and want to protect their own as it is always our own need which strikes us as the most pressing.

To be honest the thread has been derailed by endless focus on men with sn depriving women and girls of their opportunity to swim when this is a non issue supported by no one but repeatedly raised as the spectre hanging over any attempt to improve access for people with sn. Total red herring.

Ds2 swan like a fish for the last three weeks and is calm, healthy and eating well for the first time in a year. So the coming months with virtually no swimming feel a bit of a sad prospect today - that's all.

It wasn't even an option. I was expected to be able to shower and dress on my own - which I did. Why boys are not expected to do the same, I don't know!

I expected mine to do so, and to be able to dodge the gibbering hordes of peeeedos and gallons of spilt 9 y/o semen on the male changing room floors.

Kids today are clearly regressing capability-wise.....

You would think they would clear the semen up before it was 9 years old...

Hi chipping! We just go surfing these days- fab laid back people to take ds1 out, change in the car park, ds1 gets his water time, and if anyone gets funny about ds1 doing something odd it's safe enough that I can hang back and just smile at the reaction (three reactions to DS1: anger, confusion and amusement - we like the amused people).

But yes it will be good to be able to take the boys swimming whenever we want. Ds3 is always moaning that he doesn't go enough (he doesn't). The new pool will have public access at all times so I might even be able to sign ds2 and ds3 up for lessons - always been stumped before how I could do that and not have ds1 in the pool (which he would expect).

SardineQueen I think I was the poster who you think said you shouldn't go swimming? My point was not that you shouldn't go swimming, but that efforts should be made for people with disabilities to go swimming.

I am still bemused that so many people think it's find for a 7 year old to merrily wander off to get changed by themselves in a room where the responsible adult can't keep an eye on them and isn't in earshot, but as I said, we'll take the car park.

Nobody has really argued that NT 9 and 10 year olds should use the opposite sex changing room.

I am completely flabbergasted that anybody would look at a family of a disabled child who can't take anything for granted - education, after school clubs, holidays for siblings, access to pretty much anything, and really weigh that up and say "Oh but I couldn't possibly think of a way to get round the changing room problem for myself - they can't come in", but then I supposed we all walk different paths with different experiences.

No merry - not at all - I've been assuming you've been arguing for increased access.

I don't mind the beach car park but I'm sure we'd get complaints if we changed ds1 in the swimming pool car park. He's a but too old now and it's next to a family park. Lord knows what he'd be accused of!

Oh whoops misread sardine as saintly - ignore me!

saintlyjimjams Tue 16-Aug-11 13:22:50

As I have said above I take my son swimming because my husband does not swim well enough in the pool to take him. Likewise my friend's husband likes to take his daughter as he is the swimmer. It is not a feminist issue. It's simply about councils providing equal access.

It's amazing how much more children can achieve independently that with their parents simply because it is expected of them.)

Of course they do-I have taken 6 yr olds and they all manage, they may be a bit damp, but they manage fine. They live up to expectations.
SN are a different case and they should have family changing rooms.

If they are not SN they can manage fine-the poster who said that her 8yr old couldn't manage, her 9 yr old was borderline and she thinks they should be 10yrs before they get themselves changed is talking rubbish, I could take them swimming and get them to do it! At 8yrs boys can go on cub camp-they can manage a week without mother-they may not be very clean but they manage.

Someone else said her 12 yr old had zero interest in female bodies!( Pull the other one )

If you read my links to Iceland do not go there-it isn't open to interpretation-everyone follows the rules-attendants make sure they do.

If I go to one with the 8yr old rule I shall report people who are breaking it-there is no reason why an 8yr old DS,without SN, shouldn't get changed on his own-and I am very surprised that they allow their mothers to take them in the ladies.

Actually that doesn't work muddling as my friend's dd will not go to the disabled session. Her behaviour around physically disabled people is not appropriate. She just cannot go swimming with her family at all anymore (or both parents have to go but that means younger sibling has to go as well which isn't always ideal).

My solution is

1. preferably changing villages as we're getting

2. if not possible times for mixed changing, times for segregated changing. Roughly 50:50

I agree with exotic fruits about Iceland. I have been in various swimming pools/geothermal areas there and I the rules are enforced, not just by attendant, but by other pool users who are very vocal if people do not follow the rules.

The showering rules are important because geothermal facilities are not chlorinated in the way/extent that pools are in the UK.

Good luck with judging a child's age and abilities according to their appearance.

My DS found Iceland a bit of a shock but then they just treated it as the norm-they swim a lot in Iceland. There is no way a mother could be so precious with her DS. They also have to walk into the communal showers naked. They all manage fine-I bet they would find this thread laughable.
I think that swimming pool attendants are too nice to pushy mothers and let them get away with it. A 10yr old couldn't go alone into a ladies changing area so why can he with mother?

"Dd is almost 10 and is on the verge of being able to do so."

Why on earth would a 10 yo nt boy not be able to get changed on his own? Surely at this age he would massively protest to be taken into the female only changing area! I think life skills are seriously lacking here.

Exotic fruits - I said my son had zero interest in bodies (male or female). He is severely autistic with severe learning disabilities. The day he develops an interest it will be a major problem and the last place I'd take him was around them.

Luckily for now he's interested in cars and petrol caps and fire exit signs - he'll spot them from anywhere, but tits? Nope - doesn't vaguely notice. thank god.

whatmeworry, I guess I was thinking more about gyms etc where there would be no lost revenue.

I think the thing about swimming is that it is the only thing that a lot of people can do for a range of reasons. People recovering from surgery, people with joint problems, elderly people, and loads of other categories it's the one thing they can do as it is so easy on the joints.

I just don't think that increasing access for one group at the expense of another group is the way forward. I think that everyone should be able to access the pool and like I say if that means "women only" sessions and at all other times there may be men in the changing rooms that would be OK too as long as there is some time that women and girls who do not feel comfortable getting undressed in front of men can go swimming.

I take said 12 year old disabled son into the ladies with me if the disabled loo is full. We've never had a complaint although we have been told off for using the disabled toilet.

Oh whoops posted when been away for a while and there have been loads of posts. Better read them! What I wrote may not be in context

Well sardine - all we're asking for is a but more than a measly 90 minute session in the city once a week. Not trying to undo years of women's rights, just want to be able to go swimming.

Pagwatch two people on this thread have said that they should be able to take their sons into communal changing rooms whatever age they are.

I have repeatedly said I think this is wrong and neither of the posters who said it have said that is not what they meant or not what they want or whatever.

So as long as people seem to want this I will keep saying that I think it is wrong.

No it wasn;t you who said that merry.

I mean merry it wasn't you who said that for me swimming was optional and I probably wouldn't go anyway.