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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

632 replies

Clary · 16/08/2011 00:40

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:27

As pointed out earlier some pools do not have the space to move away from communal changing areas to cublicles.

Bunbaker · 16/08/2011 13:27

"Why separate sex changing rooms? Is your local pool in Saudi Arabia?"

I don't understand why you even need to ask this question. Where there are communal changing facilities I suspect most women would feel uncomfortable getting changed in front of pubescent boys or a man they have never met before. I certainly wouldn't like it. We aren't all like you.

AvrilHeytch · 16/08/2011 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 13:29

I agree Midnight Express, I really don't see what the problem is with the mixed changing areas which are all cubicles.

midnightexpress · 16/08/2011 13:29

I don't understand why anyone would be put off by having changing rooms with cubicles for everyone sardine? What's the problem?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/08/2011 13:30

I think this is more about girls/women because perhaps more women than men take their children swimming? Therefore the changing room issues are around the women's changing room, rather than the men's, but the net effect is really the same.

Gender and age rules need to be followed otherwise other people will or could get uncomfortable.

It's not about predators either, that's eroneous, it's about sensibilities (or it is for me), I don't want boys over a certain age in the changing room I'm in - and men never.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:30

No-one is put off by cubicles for everyone. I'm not sure where you got that from?

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:31

midnight this is about single sex open plan communal changing areas

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 13:33

Pmsl goblin

I can't be arsed to campaign. My LA are currently saying they do not have the cash to continue with ds1's care plan which affects his safety on a daily basis (and the way they are cutting is also illegal). Tbh I'm more concerned about that and my limits spare time is being spent in that. We'll continue to head to the beach- he gets his kit off in front of everyone else getting their kit off in the car park.

If someone else wants to get things changed thumbs up from me, but I'm a bit too stretched to be much use on that one.

innishvickallaune · 16/08/2011 13:34

Come to our local pool. Communal there for all age groups

midnightexpress · 16/08/2011 13:34

Sardine, you seemed to be responding to jimjams' post about equal access and I think (if I read it right) that she wasn't suggesting that everyone just gets nekkid in a communal open-plan space, but in changing villages with cubicles.

Like this - you can see the changing village at the rhs. All our local pools are like this, and there doesn't seem to be a problem.

midnightexpress · 16/08/2011 13:35

I know what it's about - I'm suggesting how it could be made better Sardine.

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 13:36

Actually I think people have been arguing for better access.

I don't want to change my son in the womens area -why would I ?
I don't see anyone on here suggesting that that is the best option.
So the 'screw the women' point is nonsense.

But as it stands I can swim, my dd can swim but ds2 can't. I have chosen to give up swimming with ds2 out of consideration for everyone except ds2. This thread is actually making me suspect that my attempts to respect other women and girls attracts nothing but contempt and perhaps I should reconsider. Ironic really.

It seems to me that to see this as women being picked on you have to really want to.

And I am not really enjoying the assumption that to want a son with sn to be able to swim you must not care about nt girls - as the mother of an nt girl.

If this is a feminist issue I would rather it were about helping me as a carer as, if ds2 swims he expends energy and is calmer and easier for me to manage.

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 13:37

Where all these places with communal changing areas anyway? I've never seen one, apart from the one schools use?

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 13:39

Grin at goblin.
I can tick loads of that action group.

I really am going now. But I have unloaded my tesco order so at least I can multi task whilst irritated.

AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 13:39

FFS! Can you put aside your opression by the Patriachy in this instance?

Being female isnt a disability...Autism etc is

Allowances can and should be made.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:39

We have cubicles or changing villages around here.

What I am responding to is the idea that males of all ages with SN should be allowed to change in womens single sex communal changing rooms, and that if women and girls don't like it then they need to change their attitude or stay away.

I just don't understand why anyone would argue for that, when to me it would clearly have a very adverse result on the comfort of females at that pool and might put many off going there.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:42

And of course if it were the case that it was mainly men who cared for children and people with SN, the situation would be exactly the same in reverse, and just as much of a problem.

I imagine most men would feel uncomfortable with females of all ages in their communal changing areas as well.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 13:42

'FFS! Can you put aside your opression by the Patriachy in this instance?'

Never!

AvrilHeytch · 16/08/2011 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 13:45

Well thanks Goblin, that makes me doubly opressed!

What I am responding to is the idea that males of all ages with SN should be allowed to change in womens single sex communal changing rooms, and that if women and girls don't like it then they need to change their attitude or stay away

But as someone [I think] has already said, the reality of the issue is its mothers of boys with SN that end up staying away!

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:47

I think the idea of everywhere having cubicles or changing villages for everyone is by far the best.

However at small pools where there are two communal rooms, it is a question of which groups get precedence. Which is where there is room for people with different interests to disagree, which is what is happening here.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:48

Amberleaf it was still suggested though, and I don't understand why anyone would want to see that. Well I do, I just find it a bit surprising.

SpamMarie · 16/08/2011 13:53

I feel very grateful for my pool's changing arrangements. The whole thing is cubicles (singles, family, disabled). Suits me fine!

To whoever it was that said, why don't such parents just have their kid sit on a towel in the car, that's fairly difficult if you rely on public transport, or shock horror walking. I wouldn't expect myself to walk the mile from the pool to my home while soggy and cold, let alone an autistic 9 year old boy.

I still don't like having older boys in the ladies' room and vice versa. But if there are no other provisions for those with developmental or physical problems, then that is a very sad reflection of society's lack of empathy towards those with disabilities.

merrymouse · 16/08/2011 13:55

How to change in a car park/poolside (or if bashful, in an open changing room).

  1. Dry self wearing swim suit.
  2. wrap towel around self, covering breasts.
  3. Take off swim suit straps, keeping breasts covered
  4. put on t-shirt over towel
  5. This is the slightly tricky bit - much easier in a bikini - take off swimsuit bottom half under towel. Alternatively, things will be made easier at this point if you can put on a skirt.
  6. Put on pants and remove towel
  7. Perhaps do a dance around the car park/changing room- after all you are wearing more clothes than you were in the pool!!
  8. Attach bra around waist, under t-shirt. (To be honest I often don't bother with this bit, if I am going straight home, I just put on a roomy sweatshirt for propriety).
  9. Pull bra straps through t-shirt arms.
  10. Put on jeans.
  11. Have a chocolate biscuit
  12. I think some people do something with their hair at this point. To be honest my children have usually run out of good behaviour now and I leave.

I can see that this would be difficult for people who aren't able bodied, but apparently might be useful for some girls as it seems they don't teach this kind of thing in school any more.